if i were a betting man i’d say that this is the girl that i’m going to marry. the initial euphoria of telling each other that we’re in love is beginning to settle into reality as she begins contending with issues that complicate the purity of our love. so what if i don’t match a million out of a million things she would have defined as her perfect mate?
none of us are perfect and when connecting with someone else the imperfection of both is magnified and the relationship itself can never be perfect. we will never find the perfect person for us to build the perfect relationship with. however, i am extremely flexible with her dedication to the religion and wanting to be more religious. but she has to be ok with the fact that i won’t be the one suggesting we do more religious things.
it has to be on her initiative, but i’ll seldom be against it or try to convince her to not do something. at this point I’m confident that we’ll be able to overcome all issues. at this point I am also starting to feel much more at peace with myself, the relationship, etc. and i’ve developed a good base of confidence from which to deal with the upcoming issues. neither one of us wants another silly fling. we are both looking to settle down. so even though its weird to talk about certain things after only knowing each other for two weeks this is the reality. i’m confident she’ll still remember she loves me and not let any issues that arise be deal breakers.
does love conquer all? how do we decide what to compromise on and what to be stubborn about when faced with someone we love and the inevitable fact that they aren’t precisely whom we would have built is designing our perfect match?
an annoyance i’d like to share is that YES, we have been intimate with each other (no sex, but plenty of other stuff) and i’m afraid and annoyed that she’ll feel guilty (almost as if I’m describing a bunch of Catholics, know what I mean?) about the things we’ve done and ping-pong back and forth between wanting to be intimate with me and then feeling bad and not touch me. this could be very annoying. she wants to do stuff with me, and has and will continue to, but then she feels bad and pulls back.
there are definite limits – no sex, very little if any sleeping over, no weekend trips together to Eilat, etc. as a difficult bonus for me to cope with, she’d like to observe all religious practices surrounding a woman’s time of the month (just so you know, observant married couples aren’t allowed to touch each other for about 20 days out of the month). of course we aren’t allowed to do what we have already done before marriage. so the line of what is and isn’t acceptable for us to do is being completely defined by her, along no logical lines (logic doesn’t apply to these issues).
i can accept everything but at the end of the day i am still frustrated by the seeming irrationality and my lack of control over the situation. am i just supposed to be her lap-dog, kissing her when she’s horny and completely pulling back when she feels guilty?