Jewschool is down!

where's the hat dude?Stoopid complicated server thingy keeps faithful away from beloved blog

Blame it on Plesk, blame it on extraterrestrials, whatever… but beloved blog Jewschool as well as all associated blogs (i.e. Rushkoff and ariella’s funky thang etc. etc.) have been down since Sunday. Hipster Jews, trendy lefties, self haters and Jew geeks all over the world have been denied their regular fix. So, as a public service to our friends, we’ve decided to put up some Jewschool-esque posts to help fix your jones. This is us pretending to be Jewschool, got it? OK, here we go…

Beloved Intellectual Avnery schools us on Judaism
King David and King Solomon never existed! The first temple was teeny! Judaism is a construct of the Babylonian exile! The land of Israel is an idea, not an actual piece of land! Zionism was invented by Christians! Zionism has turned Judaism in to a tribal cult! Zionists will bring about the ruin of Judaism! Free Palestine – Yay! Think about that this Yom Kippur.

Tel Aviv? Hey, it’s just like New York to Madonna
Madonna gave a speech Sunday night in Tel Aviv, just chatting about stuff. She then made a comment, described by the Seattle Post Intelligencer as “jaw-droopingly stupid,” she said:

I was a bit hesitant to come here. … I realize now that it is no more dangerous to be here than it is to be in New York.

The Seattle pi replied:

Come again?!?!

Does she have any idea what it takes to keep Tel Aviv “safe”? And would she feel the same about New York if she knew that every teen in the country had to be drafted in order to keep it that way?

Screw you dipshit. Does that change the fact that Tel Aviv is still as safe if not decidedly safer than New York? Do you have any idea what it takes to keep New York safe? What a tool. Just stick to coffee and Tom Robbins novels asshole. Leave geopolitics to the pop stars, ok?

UPDATE: Sept. 23 – John Stewart tonight poked fun at Madonna for her comment and stated “We have got to get the f*ck out of New York!” Shut up John Stewart! Tel Aviv really is safe. Sheesh.

marry brittny? why not?Ironic New T-Shirt for Jewish Hipsters
Whatwouldntjesusdo.com asks the question – in his masochistic drive to save souls from the clutches of eternal damnation, what wouldn’t Jesus do?? Pictured here, Jesus marries Brittny. See also Jesus has a threesome, Jesus comes out, Jesus votes Bush… basically, anything to save your souls. What wouldn’t that crazy mo’ fo’ do?? Werd. No. This t-shirt has nothing to do with the passion of the Christ.

woowooKitty Kelly Gives it to Bush, but good!
Drugs, sex, hos, murder, corruption, all that and more can be found in Kitty Kelly’s evisceration of the Bush clan in her new book The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty. But most importantly, it reveals how the Bush clan doesn’t really give a rat’s ass about Israel – Israeli interests are mere ruse used to justify wars aimed at acquiring oil reserves. What? Clubby wasps do not genuinely love Israel and Jews? I’m shocked. Shocked! So who you gonna vote for now, yo?

Jewish Settlers are very very bad
They want to like kill Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon! But wait a minute. Sharon’s a fascist asshole. Dude. I am like so confused right now? Let’s go get a chai tea man.

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Publisher at Jewlicious
Founder of Jewlicious? Publisher? Man I hate titles. I coined the name Jewlicious and I slave over the site. I live in Jerusalem and I need to get some breakfast.
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  1. Solomyr

    9/21/2004 at 2:20 am

    Thanks for the heads up about my city’s pain in the ass paper. The skinny of my LTE:

    “What does it take to keep New York Safe? 6 army bases, including the 202 year-old military academy at West Point; 3 Navy yards, one Coast Guard port and one Air Force base. These are only the active duty bases, and only in NY state. “

  2. kmh

    9/21/2004 at 2:22 am

    those tshirts are hysterical.
    which ones did you buy?
    i got the kerry, britney, and ipod one.


  3. ck

    9/21/2004 at 2:23 am

    kenny. you are sooo gay. But those shirts are sooo cool!

  4. Dave

    9/21/2004 at 2:32 am

    Spot on with the Jewschool parody!

  5. mobius

    9/21/2004 at 7:15 am

    actually, because my server’s down, so is canonist & the yada blog. sigh.

  6. mobius

    9/21/2004 at 7:16 am

    oh btw ha. ha. ha. ya bastard.

  7. ck

    9/21/2004 at 7:24 am

    … the offer still stands

  8. Janice

    9/21/2004 at 12:19 pm

    I live in NYC, and can tell you security has gone undercover, but up above. Confused? Let me explain — the NYPD rents space on the Fuji (as in film) blimp, saying that their surveillance cameras can pick up “a pimple on someone’s face.” This is all to protect New Yorkers from, uh, other New Yorkers? No. Tourists!

  9. Sam

    9/21/2004 at 2:52 pm

    Maybe the schmucks from Jmerica are behind it?

  10. Josh

    9/21/2004 at 4:48 pm

    Oh no! you’re supporting something making fun of Jesus. Prepare for your well deserved flogging 🙂 (or at least I got one at Jewschool after saying the Jesus vs Bush parody in MAD was funny).

  11. velvel

    9/21/2004 at 8:03 pm

    fucking hysterical.

    Good luck, Mo. I hope you get your shit back up soon.

  12. Jim R

    9/22/2004 at 7:24 am

    Jesus is listening, and he’s getting pisst and taking names…..uh, email addresses.

  13. ck

    9/22/2004 at 8:16 am

    Jesus would need admin privileges on Jewlicious in order to have access to email and IP addresses. To date, Jesus does not have such privileges on this site.

  14. mobius

    9/23/2004 at 7:17 pm

    either that or a court order from g-d ck… here’s an article about jewschool’s very own john brown telling the secret service where to stick it.

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