Since time immemorial, we, the Jewish people, have suffered persecution at the hands of anti-Semites. But in today’s day and age, we have become comfortable–complacent, even–in our circumstances. Still, isn’t it about time we managed to finally answer the age-old question: Who would save more Jews? Ben Affleck, or Matt Damon?
It could just be tonight’s viewing of Team America: World Police (“Matt Damon!” plus, that “I Miss You” song…), but I’m fighting a WTF here.
But wait! There’s more. It doesn’t end with Matt and Ben:
Send in your Celebrity Savior pairings and we will test their philo-semitic tendencies before the American Public. If you have a pairing that you have ever wondered “which one would be more likely to “Save Silverman”?” just email it in and our assistant will post it. Email firstname.lastname@example.org