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Hamas and Sperm


The synagogue in the former Jewish Gazan town Netzarim now slated by Hamas to become a museum of death Palestinian “victory”

So as Israel closes off the Gaza border and turns the four former territory crossings into one way international border crossings, we begin to see the new Gaza shaping up.

First on the plate for the Palestinians as they establish their new domain is the urgent business of creating jobs for their masses enlarging the weapons arsenal. The Israelis estimate that between 1000-2000 Kalashnikovs, countless ammo and some RPGs have been brought across the Egypt-Gaza border since Israel’s departure. Of course, the Egyptians were supposed to prevent any crossborder activity, not to mention any smuggling of weapons, but, well, uh, hmm, they, uh, forgot.

Next, the Palestinians are very big on improving living conditions and per capita income purveyors of Egyptian women. That’s right, some Palestinians crossed the Hamas created Hole in the Wall ™ to enter Egyptian soil to smuggle weapons, others did it to smell the fresh desert air, and others did it to acquire a wife. It appears they’re cheaper over the fence on the Egyptian side.

We learn a number of things from this important activity. First, we learn that despite the supposedly depressed economic condition of Gaza and its Palestinians, they are considered very well off by Egyptian standards. Second, we learn that sometimes women can be like the family second car. You know, that’s the one you get to run the less important errands. You pay less for it and you expect less from it, but sometimes it surprises you and gives you better sex than the Palestinian wife becomes your favorite vehicle.Third, we learn that dowries still matter in this part of the world, and what seem like handsome dowries to the Egyptians, appear to be really cheap excellent values in the eyes of Gazan Palestinians. Fourth, and this is the kicker, like those gentile women who have come to appreciate and seek Jewish men, Egyptian women have come to seek out Palestinian men. As one bride pointed out,

she [has] always been dreaming of marrying a Palestinian. “Palestinian men are better than Egyptian men,” the 27-year-old said. “They know how to look after their wives and provide for them a decent living.”

Next, the Palestinians decided that despite years of demanding an international security force between their PA controlled areas and Israel, they believe it is completely unnecessary to have an international force manning the border between Egypt and Gaza. Minister of the Department of Hypocrisy PA National Security Advisor Jibril Rajoub, has informed reporters that the Palestinians oppose an international force at the border and everything will run smoothly very soon. Inshallah.

Finally, to really show that they can govern themselves, the Palestininians would like to show they are cultured and have decided to build the equivalent of the Louvre, Israel Museum and the Met. The ideal building to house their new national museum, needless to say, is a destroyed synagogue formerly used by Jews, and the Palestinians know exactly what kind of cultural artifacts best represent them. That’s right, we’re talking Matisse suicide bombing belts, Picasso molotov cocktail bottles, Henry Moore large rocks, and Rodin missiles and rockets.

Sigh.

Now as part of their celebrations over their liberation from the Israelis, Hamas has been trying to assert itself in a number of ways. They are certainly not backing down from future wars. On the contrary, they are publicly crowing about victory and future attacks and victories. They are holding significant parades where they show their lovely green baseball caps and numerous weapons.

We will not rest and will not abandon the path of Jihad and martyrdom as long as one inch of our land remained in the hands of the Jews,” said Raed Saed, a senior Hamas leader in Gaza City, using the Arabic term for holy war.

“We are celebrating our victory in Gaza and now we are headed toward Jerusalem, Nablus, Akko, Haifa, the Galilee and all of Palestine,” he said.

“Sharon, you should know that we will win – the only language spoken will be the language of weapons. We are young people who aspire to die for Allah and for the weapons we are carrying.”

Some young people seek to study, build a life, have families, and some seek to die for Allah. What can you do. Here’s a picture of a parade and a fighter:

See the hordes behind the brave terrorist? They got me thinking…

But before I tell you what I was thinking, allow me to tell you what Hamas leaders are thinking.

“We will win in Jerusalem and in Palestine, the whole of Palestine,” Mahmoud al-Zahar (current leader of Hamas) declared.

“We know our people is expecting us to continue the liberation journey, until the flag of Islam is raised over Jerusalem,” he said.

“This is the weapon we used to crush the heads of the Zionist enemies. This weapon is at the service of the people and homeland…we won’t use it against anyone, but it must be in our hands because Jerusalem awaits us,” he said.

“The Zionist enemy knows no other language aside from the language of fire directed on him by the Izz al-Din al-Qassam Brigades,” he said. “We’ll continue to develop our arms industry.”

Ah yes, another economic engine of growth for the Palestinians, their “arms industry.”

But take a look at the crowd of Hamasniks listening to Al-Zahar.

See that throng, that mass of humanity, all surging forward toward its destiny? Here’s what I was thinking…

Wait, before I tell you what I was thinking, let me show you a relevant work of art. It’s called “Ejaculatio 27” (you have to figure there were 26 before that one) by an artist named R.G. Fuhrer (I kid you not).

Do you see the resemblance?

That’s right, millions of little squirmy things throng forward toward a particular shining Jerusalem female egg. They propel themselves forward, struggle against their peers for a milimeter here and a milimeter there…

and (stay with me now)…

…end up hitting a fence and Israeli military prophylactic that makes their journey futile and fruitless. Kinda like in that funny Durex condom commercial.

Yes, today they celebrate a hollow victory. But tomorrow they realize that they’ve been tricked. That’s gonna be one tough border crossing. And getting to Jerusalem? It’s kinda tough to get there when you’re going in the wrong direction. Enjoy your new museum, Hamas, not to mention the Egyptian brides.

40 Comments

  1. JOBBER

    9/21/2005 at 8:38 am

    Well this is not a surprise. It will be up to Israel to act brutally or not. Israel always holds back on its anger. As soon as Hamas sends rockets to Sderot, what will Israel do?

    My advice would be to do something like Katrina on them. It is sad, bec. they probably won’t. Eventually Israel will withdraw from every inch of the west bank, then they will want Ramat Eshkol and those post 1967 Jerusalem areas, like Ramot. Until Israel shows them utter brutality, they will not cease.

    Wish there was some other way, but there is no viable alternative.

  2. Jameel Rashid

    9/21/2005 at 10:17 am

    A heck of alot more than a few thousand Ak47s.

    See this link.

  3. esther

    9/21/2005 at 11:01 am

    Middle, I think you’re thinking about this too much. But I do find the side-by-side comparison at least visually compelling…

    That Hamas museum sounds like the military surplus/disaster preparedness store I visited last week on Hollywood Boulevard. I’d never been that close to military-grade weaponry before. Shudder.
    Also, as for: “Palestinian men are better than Egyptian men,” the 27-year-old said. “They know how to look after their wives and provide for them a decent living.” …good to know.

  4. encino yeled

    9/21/2005 at 11:50 am

    That cartoon is just, fucking hilarious, and nasssssty.

    The resemblance of the crowd to sperm is uncanny.

    And this all looks very, very bad.

  5. Joe Scmo

    9/21/2005 at 4:35 pm

    Guys are you all for real?!

    Didn’t we tell you this would happen?- Me and my Rabbi
    Rabbi Meir Kahane?

    Hey TM why are you surprised- you were all for handing our land Gaza to the enemy.

    Repeat and say:

    “I TM was wrong and am blind and I want to to pennance for my stupidity.”

  6. grandmuffti

    9/21/2005 at 5:51 pm

    That was awesome, TM. Nice Jewlicious post.

  7. michael

    9/21/2005 at 6:01 pm

    Interestingly, one of Rabbi Kahane’s lesser-known writings includes the phrase, “And, since I’m on a prediction roll here, I hereby predict that I will someday have a slavish follower who parrots my every word ad nauseum while at the same time being totally uninteresting on an Internet forum. Also, he won’t be able to spell.”

    Eerie! Kahane tzadak!

  8. themiddle

    9/21/2005 at 6:25 pm

    Schmo, you little parrot, Kahane never said anything about Egyptian brides and you know it!

  9. Ephraim

    9/21/2005 at 6:44 pm

    It’s funny that Paleo men are still apparently able to provide a better living for their wives than Egyptians.

    The only conclusion that can be drawn is that Zionist oppression is better for the Arabs than letting them govern themselves.

  10. michael

    9/21/2005 at 6:49 pm

    Oooh, good point.

  11. Ephraim

    9/21/2005 at 7:10 pm

    Check this out:

    Amazing and relevant link

  12. Joe Schmo

    9/21/2005 at 7:34 pm

    Hmmm TM you got a point about the Egyptian brides…

  13. Joe Schmo

    9/21/2005 at 7:37 pm

    Michael, I suppose I can’t blame you. I’d also be frusterated if those I hate for thier views are constantly proven right.

    I really do sympathize with you.

  14. themiddle

    9/21/2005 at 7:48 pm

    Schmo, what makes you think you are proven right? Nothing in all of these reports is a surprise to anybody. Everybody understood what would happen and what is next on the agenda.

    What everybody also understands is that your “solutions” are not desirable or viable.

  15. michael

    9/21/2005 at 7:50 pm

    Joe, I don’t hate you for your views. I don’t even hate you. I just think your constantly-restated, uncreative opinions are about as interesting as watching paint peel.

    Kahanists are sort of like Nostradamists. No matter what happens, KAHANE PREDICTED THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

    I mean, really, isn’t about time we moved past “Rabbi” Kahane, who was a lame Jewish knockoff of Malcolm X anyway? The whole being an incendiary-but-marginal demagogue with unrealistic politics and a tendency to get capped is SO 1965.

  16. ck

    9/21/2005 at 8:14 pm

    Oy. Good Ol’ Rabbi Kahane. I knew the dude. He came to our house once. Some of the things he said were spot on. His critiques of the diaspora organized Jewish community continues to be relevant to this day. His attitude to violent anti-semites continues to resonate. But Israel did something to him. In meetings at his office, adjacent to the Museum of the Potential Holocaust, he struck me as being, well, totally off his friggin rocker. I mourn his death and that of his son, but his way cannot serve as a blueprint for anything Israel-related. In that respect, Kahane had nothing to teach us. Sorry, but that’s the truth.

  17. themiddle

    9/21/2005 at 8:19 pm

    HELLO SLOVAKIA!

    AND WELCOME BACK COLOMBIA & AUSTRALIA!

  18. Ephraim

    9/21/2005 at 8:32 pm

    Seriously, Middle, did you expect all of this? I don’t recall you saying that you expected that Gaza would turn into the armed camp that it has become or that the Egyptians would simply use their agreements with Israel as toilet paper in plain public view. Some of us did, but I don’t recall you being one of them.

    Weren’t you one of the “let’s give this a chance, maybe something good will happen” people?

    Israel is going to have to re-invade Gaza in the not too distant future, or, at the very least, return to the targeted assasination policy with a vengeance. Gaza is not exactly a target-poor environment, y’know, and these guys aren’t even bothering to wear masks anymore. They’re like ripe fruit on a tree, waiting to be picked.

    There will be no peace in Gaza, or anywhere else, until Hamas, Jihad Islami, and all the rest of them are militarily defeated.

    I do not approve of transfer, but only a fool would think that there is anything but a military solution when it comes to groups like Hamas and Hizballah.

  19. The Urban Pimp

    9/22/2005 at 2:15 am

    The cartoon rocks. But it needs music.

  20. Grace

    9/22/2005 at 5:10 am

    My hope is that when Israel DOES invade, they kick total ass, and take over for good, so that there is NO QUESTION about who owns it! Nuke them all, wait for the fallout to clear, and then retake the land that was, is, and always will be ours. We can’t just sit on our collective tuchuses (tuchim?) and wait for the Massiach to come bail us out.

  21. Jameel Rashid

    9/22/2005 at 8:33 am

    Ever notice the eerie phallic symbolism of Islamic Minarets?

  22. grandmuffti

    9/22/2005 at 9:10 am

    Muffti thinks ‘Grace’ may be a bit of a misnomer…

  23. themiddle

    9/22/2005 at 1:44 pm

    Jameel, what’s your point?

  24. themiddle

    9/22/2005 at 2:59 pm

    Actually Ephraim, I am not one of the people who predicted that “something good will happen if we give peace a chance.”

    Giving peace a chance is amorphous bullshit that has nothing to do with finding pragmatic solutions for Israel. Contrary to your suggestion, I don’t believe that the majority of Israelis who supported the Disengagement are flighty do-gooders who are willing to risk everything because some John Lennon lyrics are running through their head.

    I supported the disengagement because I don’t want to rule over another people. Because the demographics of Gaza make absolutely no sense. Because Gaza has some nice beaches but is primarily a shithole with few redeeming and desirable assets. Also, Gaza holds no resonance culturally, religiously or historically for me.

    However, I also saw significant advantages to Israel stemming from the disengagement. First, the IDF can remove about 5 battalions out of 10 they had deployed there. Second, the IDF doesn’t have to have the crazy mission of protecting a few thousand settlers from within a sea of enemies, when instead it can protect Israel without worrying about Israeli civilian casualties. Third, the IDF can always go back in there, and without the achilles heel of an exposed civilian population, achieve military objectives. Heck, they can now lob some missiles in there if the Palestinians start in with their rockets.

    Fourth, this forces the Palestinians to deal with a situation where the ball is in their corner. Who do you think those Kalashnikovs will fire upon? Other Palestinians, that’s who. You know why? Because there are no Israeli targets in Gaza and it’s going to be very difficult for the Palestinians to reach Israeli targets.

    Fifth, this puts the Palestinians into a difficult corner because they now have to prove themselves to the world. It’s going to be very difficult for them to get anybody to press for further Israeli concessions unless they show some ability to govern and control their own people.

    Sixth, the battle is moving to where it should be – the West Bank. 242 is fulfilled when the other side recognizes Israel and allows it to live in peace, while Israel gets to keep fair borders. I realize you don’t want to know or hear from this, but the fence will demarcate a border between Israel and the Palestinians. Yes, most of the West Bank will be in Palestinian hands, but you will suddenly have an Israel that has:
    – a solid internal consensus among almost all parties and Israelis regarding Israel and its boundaries;
    – a motivated army that isn’t sown with discord over the politics of occupation;
    – a secure Jerusalem (even if access is granted to Palestinians) and some parts of Judea and Samaria, if not a large part of either province;
    – redeployment of significant forces that are currently being used in the territory;
    – international consensus and support for the Israelis and their borders;
    – the Palestinians finding themselves trying to actually govern because there is no more recourse;
    – and, very possibly, a split Palestinian entity that has an East and a West, but divided and unable to function as a unit. If they do function as a unit, it will always be under the recognition that Israel has the ability to destroy the link between the two areas.

    Under your plan, Ephraim, there would simply be maintenance of the status quo. That’s all well and good if you don’t care about social, moral, physical, military and economic costs to Israel, but I do. I believe you do as well.

  25. Joe Schmo

    9/22/2005 at 3:21 pm

    ck,

    I’m not sure what you are saying.

    In my opinion and in the opinions of a large portion of Israel and Jews worldwide what he said is very relevant.

    If the arabs aren’t removed we will suffer even more.

    I and many like me are not allowed to speak or vote for what we feel is right. We therefore view israel as totalitarian.

    Its OK ck if you don’t agree even if I think you are wrong. What is not OK is Israel and others who disenfranchise me and others.

    Understand that clearly.

    And ck… you are sephardic you know what Israel did to the sephardic Jews from not only Yemen but even morocco. The leaders acted like people we hear on your blog who in the name of ‘democracy” or “modernity” tore Jews away from their religion. Who took children from parents and told them not to follow their parents – saying “Here in Israel there is no G-d; your parents are old-fashioned.” Yes they tore them away by force.

    Do you think there were violent rapist moroccans in Morocco as there are in Israel? Who do think caused that if not for those who stomp on other’s rights becasue they themselves are so arrogant that they think that for ‘society’s’ good they can stomp on other’s today the way they stomped on the poor sephardic parents who immigrated to Israel.

    There is a reason Rabbi Kahane was supported by so many sephardim. He understood what israel did and still does. He emphasized with them.

    Its time for YOU to emphasize with the poor sephardim in Israel who are even now considered second class citizens.

    Rabbi Kahane’s words are relevant extremelly relevant. I understand that- its time for you to understand too.

  26. Joe Schmo

    9/22/2005 at 3:24 pm

    Ephraim, TM has a point.
    You said: “I do not approve of transfer”

    and TM said “Under your plan, Ephraim, there would simply be maintenance of the status quo.”

    If you are against transfer he has a point.

  27. Ephraim

    9/22/2005 at 3:50 pm

    Was the status quo any worse than what is about to happen, Schmo?

    My reason for not supporting the withdrawal from Gaza is because I believed it would make the security situation worse than it is, which it most clearly has done. Unless this was undertaken with the express intention of making Gaza a magnet for terrorists so it would be easier to kill them all off in one fell swoop when the inevitable battle is once again joined, the only plausible explanation for the withdrawal was that is was a knuckling under to outside pressure. It is that knuckling under to which I object, and the pathetic notion that the goyim will somehow pat Israel on the head and be nice to it in future. Not gonna happen.

    I believe that there will be another war in the not-too-distant future and that Israel will either have to reoccupy Gaza or make it such a hell on earth that the Paleos will sue for peace.

    The main reason I am against transfer is because I believe it is impractical. I have no particular moral compunctions about it provided it was done humanely. Because of their actions the Arabs have forefeited any claim on the compassion of the Jews. In a perfect world such a thing would not be necessary, of course, but we do not live in such a world.

    It is indeed unfair that the goyim will not allow Israel to treat its enemies the way the goyim have traditionally treated their enemies, by which I mean to crush them mercilessly when they start wars until they beg for peace (which Israel could very easily do), but such is the world in which we live.

  28. Ephraim

    9/22/2005 at 4:21 pm

    TM, you make a lot of assumptions that I think are simply not going to happen, primarily those assumptions regarding the approbation of the goyim. I do not believe that the world will approve of what Israel has done and be nice to it in future; everything they are saying is “Good start, now when are you going to go back to the ’67 borders?” Everything points to continued pressure to do just that, a united Jerusalem and the fence be damned. Can you give me one single reason why you think (not hope) that the world will approve of Israel keeping Jerusalem and parts of Judea and Samaria? Not one single responsible person, other than Bush (and it is impossible to tell where he and Condi-sleeza stand on any given day) has indicated that they will accept anything other than total Israeli withdrawal. You know how they interpret 242 just as well as I do. It does not matter what 242 actually says.

    The world may lose patience with the Paleos for a short period of time, but it never sticks. Already they are announcing all this money they are going to be giving them, and they have done nothing whatsoever to fulfill their part of the bargain. In that context, I see no particular moral problem with militarily controlling a bunch of people who want to kill you. That is not called oppression, it is called self-defense.

    OK, so now you are saying that the fence is going to delineate a border. I seem to remember you saying that it wasn’t going to be one. I knew all along that it was going to be one, so what you say does not surprise me.

    I agree, reluctantly, that it may very well be that Israel must retrench. However, and this is where you and I differ, I think that this retrenchement will not lead to peace, but to another war. Therefore, Israel’s retreat must be a strategic one, undertaken with a view to military matters and NOTHING else. Not morality, not goyish public opinion, not anything. There is going to be another war, and Israel must be ready for it. If this means retrenching and regrouping behind rational frontiers so that supply lines can be shortened, an over-extended military can rest up and redeploy and so that the all-important public opinion and morale can be marshalled, so be it. But everyone must understand that another war is inevitable. If there isn’t one, it will indeed be a nes from Hashem.

    If and when such a war is forced upon israel by the Arabs and their fellow travellers, it may very well lead to the exptirpation of most of the Arabs who live between the Jordan and the Mediterranean, just like Schmo is hoping for.

  29. themiddle

    9/22/2005 at 4:57 pm

    Actually Ephraim, you seem to be confusing me with somebody else. If you look through archives (I don’t have the patience) you will see I’ve always thought this fence will become the de-facto border. For this and other reasons, I welcome the fence.

    If you think the retrenchment will lead to war, the only difference between us is that I don’t think the retrenchment will or won’t lead to a war. A war is inevitable because the Arabs will attack again in the future.

    I think Israel is in a better position to fight that war today than two months ago with all of those tiny settlements in Gaza.

    As for 242 and the international community, facts on the ground will determine the final outcome. If the Palestinians end up with 93% of the West Bank and 100% of Gaza (current delineation of the fence and Gazan border), it’s going to be pretty tough for the Europeans or others to complain. If Israel doesn’t know how to make this case – that the Palestinians are ending up with 93% and 100% respectively – then they will miss an opportunity. However, I believe that the world will accept this type of division.

    As for Jerusalem, the world may disagree, but ultimately have to settle for the fact that the Palestinians are governing themselves and there is no Israeli military among them. At that point, the focus on this issue and conflict will diminish dramatically.

    Finally, while you are concerned about the international assistance, I say, “let it come.” Just as the Palestinians have squandered the money over the past decade, and just as they destroyed the greenhouses generously purchased for them by American Jews, they will probably waste the resources given to them now. It will simply serve as yet another lesson to sponsor nations, and they either will or won’t learn a lesson. Who cares? After all, it’s just a little Arab territory called Gaza.

  30. josh

    9/22/2005 at 5:34 pm

    Can we compare how many posts/messages about katrina and it’s refugees and how many posts about the Jewish refugees of the former Gush Katif and North Samaria have been written on Jewlicious?

  31. themiddle

    9/22/2005 at 5:39 pm

    “Refugees?” You mean the former inhabitants from Gush Katif are refugees?

    Hey, I know, let’s put on an orange star and pretend this is like the Holocaust!

  32. michael

    9/22/2005 at 5:44 pm

    Can we discuss how Josh equates 9000 people who had months of preparation that they refused to utilize in favor of pretending the inevitable wouldn’t happen, and are getting new houses and a nice chunk of cash anyway, with more than a million people, including more Jews than lived in Gaza, who had everything they had ripped out from under them with only a couple days of warning?

    So who deserves more posts?

  33. JOBBER

    9/23/2005 at 1:25 pm

    Well well, looks like they are reading this site over at the kirya, and listening to Jobber’s advice, only I said 5 car bombs at a pop, make it 10.

    news.yahoo.com...

  34. themiddle

    9/23/2005 at 1:57 pm

    Why do you think Israel did this, Jobber?

    It’s not as if these guys don’t carry guns and bombs in their parades.

  35. Ephraim

    9/23/2005 at 3:08 pm

    Paleostinian “work accidcent”, obviously. I would hope that if the Israelis had targeted the “rally” they would have gotten more of them.

  36. JOBBER

    9/23/2005 at 3:21 pm

    True, maybe it was wishful thinking on my part.
    It would be nice, if Israel would make this signal to them, that we have changed, We will be just as brutal as you, we will maybe not put our hands on your dead filthy bodies and parade the blood on our hands for all the world to see, but we will be just as brutal in terms of tit for tat, in fact, we will be thousand times more brutal, because that is all u understand, and b. we are talking about our survival.

  37. themiddle

    9/24/2005 at 2:30 am

    Yup, work accident. From the NY Times:

    By GREG MYRE
    Published: September 24, 2005
    JERUSALEM, Sept. 23 – A pickup truck carrying rockets exploded on Friday at a large Hamas rally as the group paraded its weapons through a densely packed refugee camp in the Gaza Strip. At least 15 people were killed and dozens were wounded, Palestinian medical officials said.

    The powerful blast sent a plume of white smoke into the sky and unleashed pandemonium in the sprawling Jabaliya refugee camp, a Hamas stronghold just north of Gaza City. Body parts were scattered on the ground as ambulances rushed to the scene, and people in the crowd wailed in grief. The casualties included a number of children.

    The blast appeared to be accidental, and the Palestinian Interior Ministry issued a statement that called on Hamas to “shoulder its responsibility” for the explosion.

    However, Hamas said the rockets were dummies and did not contain explosives. The group alleged that an Israeli airstrike was responsible and said that it would retaliate. “We cannot remain silent when the blood of our martyrs is spilled,” said Nizar Rayan, a Hamas leader. “Our response will be in action, not words.”

    The Israeli military, which routinely acknowledges strikes carried out by its aircraft, said it was not involved.

  38. esther

    9/24/2005 at 8:00 pm

    Oy. And who keeps approving all that spam? Jebus.

  39. themiddle

    9/24/2005 at 9:01 pm

    The sperm, er, spam, keeps getting through on its own. Having said that, I’m deleting those where I have editing powers but cannot delete those that go into ck’s posts.

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