Heeb sweeps the Onion (with a little help from me)

Heeb Rules Kubb and crushes the Onion

Every Tuesday during the summer in Central Park, various teams made up of the city’s media elite compete in various sports challenges. As the house organ of the people that actually do control the media, Heeb Magazine is sort of forced to participate in these athletic shenanigans. Of course, faced with competition from burly goyim and women who played Lacrosse in College, Heeb has had a perfectly winless record. That is until last week, when they faced a team of what must have been totally inebriated Irishmen who could barely stand, Heeb had its first taste of victory in a game of capture the flag.

ck and Kelsey Celebrate VICTORY #2!!Addicted to the adrenaline rush of victory, Heeb Business manager and Kvetcher David Kelsey recruited me as a sort of ringer for their next match up against the funny folks at the Onion. I say sort of because I think I got a photo credit there once – it was a pic of me reading Heeb over Arafat’s grave.

Anyhow, sure enough we swept the Onioners 2-0 in a best of three game of Kubb, a Swedish lawn game where the object is to knock over wooden blocks by throwing wooden sticks at them. No, I’m not kidding. Google it if you don’t believe me. In any case, next week they play some other game against the hotties at L’Oreal. If you want to go cheer – go the Heeb Web site and use the contact info to ask when and where the next game is. The L’Oreal women wear short shorts and knee high socks. Just so you know…

Thanks to Lori for the pics and moral support, thanks to Heeb for letting me play and giving me the opportunity to help my shtetlach diaspora Jews achieve some success in an area of physical prowess. For a change.

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Founder of Jewlicious? Publisher? Man I hate titles. I coined the name Jewlicious and I slave over the site. I live in Jerusalem and I need to get some breakfast.
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  1. Ephraim

    8/6/2008 at 4:01 pm

    Is that Kelsey with you in that pic, ck?

    I wonder why he looks just like I imagined he would.

  2. ck

    8/6/2008 at 4:05 pm

    That is in fact David Kelsey. He’s a great guy. Of course I have to stay that because he is also my current host in NYC….

  3. froylein

    8/6/2008 at 4:33 pm

    Ephraim, if anyone has ever got close to my pre-made expectations concerning appearance, behaviour, and even voice, it was David Kelsey. I’d like to add that he’s an absolutely sweet person.

  4. larry

    8/6/2008 at 6:51 pm

    I especially ilke the non-tan of Kelsey. It is a perfect stereotype of pasty white Heeb Magazine employees facing down the perfectly tanned L’Oreal-ites and the coppertoned carmelized Onions

  5. DK

    8/7/2008 at 5:31 pm

    Well, the Team Saucony people are definitely a good natured bunch.

    Heeb tried to slide out without paying their tab again, but as always, we find the humor in this.


  6. Leah

    8/11/2008 at 5:27 pm

    Congrats all around. Just think of the headlines the Onion could get out of this…

  7. Pingback: You have to be careful that the kikes at Heeb don’t Jew you — The Kvetcher

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