}

If Chinese Gymnasts Had Bat Mitzvah’s and Other Post Olympic Ideas

As Shabbat begins, and the sun sets on the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, my thoughts include: If Chinese female gymnasts were forced to become Jewish at the sino-shul ( www.SinoGogue.org ), then we would all know when they turned 13, and thus 16, and there would be no need for IOC investigations into their ages,
and
I want to remember a long haired Jewish guy who helped to re-open China to the West, and I do not mean Henry Kissinger.

Exchanging Gifts
Once upon a time there was a sincere, long haired, Jewish athlete who re-opened the doors of China to the West, and ushered in Nixon’s trip to Peking, and the current Olympics in Beijing. It was Glenn L. Cowan, 19, who in 1971 stepped onto the wrong bus at the table tennis championships in Japan.

Cowan accidentally got on the bus of the Chinese team, a team that was severely instructed not to speak with any American. Zhuang Zedong, however, a champion pingpong player who had been imprisoned during the Cultural Revolution, approached Cowan and gave him a gift made of silk. Cowan, in turn, gave his new Chinese bus host a “Let It Be” peace-sign t-shirt.

When word of the incident reached Chairman Mao Zedong, he decided to use a small ball to promote a big ball. Mao instructed his Communist government to invite the American table tennis team to China. It was 1971, during the Vietnam and Cold Wars. The team came to China, and during the ping pong visit, Nixon and Kissinger used the opportunity to end the U.S. embargo against “Red” Chinese products, which, in turn, led to Nixon’s trip to China in 1972. By 1979, relations between the two countries were “normalized,” and in 1984, China sent a full delegation to the Los Angeles Olympics.

Cowan's guide to ping pong

Cowan's guide to ping pong


The moral of the story? A Jewish person armed with a t-shirt can change the world.

14 Comments

  1. David Trautman

    8/26/2008 at 5:35 am

    The Chinese could never be as intelligent, determined, successful or witty as they’d need to be to count themselves among our ranks.

    Jewish exceptionalism has endured for centuries precisely because our numbers are limited, exclusive and elite. Somehow, I don’t think bringing more than a billion people with ingrained cultural dishonesty and famously underdeveloped frontal cortexes into the fold could be good for the enduring caliber of the Jewish people.

  2. froylein

    8/26/2008 at 9:12 am

    David, your Catholic relatives in Germany will be sad to hear you feel that way about non-Jews.

  3. Ephraim

    8/26/2008 at 3:05 pm

    “Famously underdeveloped frontal cortexes”? You mean as in “stupid”? Must have missed that research.

    We are talking about the guys who invented paper and gunpowder and silk and stuff, right?

    Just checking.

  4. Tom Morrissey

    8/26/2008 at 7:29 pm

    Nice try, David, but Jonathan Swift was actually, you know, funny.

  5. themiddle

    8/27/2008 at 1:22 am

    The amusing thing about these trolls who come here and try to pretend they’re elitist Jews is that they don’t understand that they’re the only ones writing this crap. That’s how we identify you folks.

  6. themiddle

    8/27/2008 at 1:28 am

    Hey Tom, did you see the person who should be running for President speak tonight?

  7. Tom Morrissey

    8/27/2008 at 3:58 am

    Yeah, Middle, and it’s starting to look like she’ll be the one to pick up the pieces on the first Wednesday morning in November…. How can McCain be getting a bounce out of the DNC?

  8. David Trautman

    1/11/2009 at 9:37 am

    It’s actually froylein who’s the troll, making it seem as though the default Jewish response is to blame the Catholics.

    But if it helps to call me a troll for writing what all of us privately think, then so be it.

  9. froylein

    1/11/2009 at 9:43 am

    David, took your frontal cortex quite some time to come up with that response, didn’t it?

  10. David Trautman

    6/15/2009 at 1:38 pm

    I’m sorry froylein, those devious Catholics were holding me captive in Germany, and they only let me out every few months to stretch my legs and check my e-mail.

    In fact, if you’ve ever experienced anti-Semitism, it was the Catholics; internet down? Catholics; weekend ruined by bad weather? Catholics; stuck in traffic leaving a Mets game? Too many filthy Latino Catholics on the road; unable to nuke the Gaza Strip like you’ve always wanted? The Catholics over at the Vatican pressured the U.S. to prevent it; couldn’t sic the U.S. military on Iran before Dubya got out of office? Catholics; bet on a horse that didn’t win? Catholics fooled ya into putting your money on that horse; Paid $10.50 to see a lousy movie? Probably written by Catholics; Angered by the Holocaust denial conferences in Iran? They were dreamed up by the Catholics; upset by the actions of the Saudi royal family? They’re secretly Catholic; rubber broke while getting frisky with the Mrs.? It was manufactured by Catholics; Forced to wait in long lines for your holiday shopping? Too many filthy Catholics buying presents for their pagan holiday; Couldn’t find a parking space? Catholics; Got a Blue Screen of Death Error on your PC? I heard Bill Gates is Catholic; Felt betrayed when you realized George Steinbrenner is not a member of the tribe? Damn Catholic.

    Those devious, filthy little ’tils have their hands in everything don’t they? It almost sounds like…oh wait. Mind if I borrow your copy of the Protocols of the Elders of Milan? I gave mine to a Catholic and he burned it. It’s simply impossible to have a healthy debate about the ways Catholics are ruining our society without some loudmouth like Bill Donohue showing up and ruining the fun.

  11. froylein

    6/15/2009 at 1:54 pm

    David Trautmann, apart from that it has taken you months to come up with a reply, it appears you better had invested that time in taking reading comprehension classes.

  12. themiddle

    6/15/2009 at 2:35 pm

    Oh come on, I enjoyed Trautman’s comment. It was witty and to the point. Let’s all laugh and get along.

    Quick, before the Catholics come and get us.

  13. froylein

    6/15/2009 at 2:52 pm

    It was anything but to the point. I refuse to get along with someone who on here has referred to non-Jewish women as “Gentile filth”.

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