The call came early this week to our Upper West Side headquarters, where our operatives were screening Jewish films, reading Jewish books, trying to pick some films for Schmoozedance 2009, and trying to figure out who McCain’s choice would be for VP.
“Meet me in the parking garage in Brooklyn down the street from Yeshiva of Flatbush,” the caller said.
“You mean the place Isaac Mizrahi studied at?,” I replied.
“Yes,” said the caller, “that’s the place. And come alone”
I had seen the film “Ushpuzim” there in their segregated seating auditorium a few years ago, so I knew how to get there.
“Does this mean it’s going to be Senator Joe Lieberman?, I asked
“No,” he said gruffly, “Don’t confuse me with such narishkeit.”
I ventured out to the wilds of Brooklyn, alone, and met this bearded man, in the shadows of a parking garage, which was having a weekend parking special for the upcoming Labor Day holiday. Make a note of that.
Here is what he told me.
“McCain is choosing a woman. She is a governor of a far-flung U.S. state. She hasn’t been in office long. She has a BA in Journalism.”
And that was it.
He disappeared. And all that was left was the faint smell of hummus, Abu Ghosh style.
I got on my cell phone and called my office on a secure line. I relayed the information, and we peed in our pants with glee. He would obviously select a Jewish woman as VP, to appease the disaffected and disinfected Clinton supporters. We had our scoop for Jewlicious. Hurray! Who else could it be, other than the Jewish governor of Hawaii, Linda Cutter Lingle. Lingle was a Governor, a journalism major, and in a far flung state of the union.
Can’t you envision it? Shabbat in the VP Mansion. Pineapples as garnishes. Macadamia nuts in her office.
OY! WE GOT IT WRONG. SORRY JEWLICIOUS READERS
It wasn’t Hawaii. It wasn’t tropical flowers and surfing. It is oil drilling and moose burgers. Oh well. That is the last time I venture to Brooklyn and make a snap judgment on good information. Or at least I hope it is.