}

No Crocs on Yom Kippur!

or ever…

crocsSo says Rabbi Eliyashiv, a litvack rebbe, in response to a question by a yeshiva student. The Rabbi ruled that

…it is best not to wear Crocs shoes on Yom Kippur even though they are not made out of leather and, therefore, would seemingly be permissible for the holiday. His reasoning behind the ruling is that they are too comfortable, and thus don’t provide the level of suffering one should feel on the holiday.

As if being stuck in a hot, crowded room with a bunch of people who haven’t brushed their teeth or bathed isn’t suffering enough? What next? Will Jews have to crawl to the synagogue on their knees and utter a “Hail Mary” after every step they take? Oh wait. No. That’s the Catholics. But whatever, close enough!

But I’m no rube. I wasn’t born yesterday. I can read the writing on the wall. The name of the game is more and more chumras (stringencies) and baby? Business is booming! As the Chief Rabbi of my own made up denomination of Judaism, the Temple of the Ephemeral Jews, I’d like to one up Rabbi Eliyashiv. I declare that no only are Crocs unacceptable on Yom Kippur, but from this day forth Crocs are unacceptable ALWAYS. They are a blight on God’s creation and an offense to mine eyes. Whosoever shall wear Crocs shall be immediately smitten by a swift kick to the buttocks delivered by mine boots. So it shall be written, so it shall be done. This rule does not apply to kitchen staff who, while at work, are on their feet all day and constantly shmushing around in grease. It also doesn’t apply to Jahne, pictured on the right posing with a giant Croc in Hell Aviv, because, well, because Jahne can do no wrong.

Anyhow, have a meaningful fast and if I have done any of you wrong this year, well… you probably deserved it. But I am nothing if not magnanimous, so I forgive you all. Except for you. And you. Both you stupid fuckers are beyond redemption.

Oh. One last thing. Just in case Rabbi Eliyashiv has any litvack mojo super powers, let me make it clear that he did not ban Crocs. He said they were permissible but that it would be better not to wear them. I don’t think that counts as a chumra. OK. Peace out brothers and sisters!

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Founder of Jewlicious? Publisher? Man I hate titles. I coined the name Jewlicious and I slave over the site. I live in Jerusalem and I need to get some breakfast.
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3 Comments

  1. Becca

    9/27/2009 at 12:44 pm

    Actually, it’s for the sake of the other daveners, so that they don’t have to additionally suffer by seeing people wearing those hideous things.

    I appreciate this psak.

  2. jkaplb

    9/29/2009 at 11:42 am

    So now what to do with the old (though seemingly new) Crocs? I thought that their use on YK was ideal. Yes, they are comfortable, but they are so inexpensive that everybody in shul can afford them. I think that rather than ban them, they should required wearing for all. In fact, every Jew in North America who pays for a HH ticket or temple membership should have a pair included for free. Think of the benefits:

    They are egalitarian. They are quiet. They are easily put on (no laces means our elderly members or those with arthritis can manage!) They are chea…I mean…inexpensive. They are child-labor free. They are ideal for use at the Kotel–place them on your hand and hold them up to act as shields against rocks being tossed from above! Worn in the Philippines or Atlanta, Crocs would not be damaged by floodwaters. And finally, have you seen how much a pair of old school Converse cost these days?

  3. crocs

    6/11/2010 at 7:37 am

    For these reasons… we love our Crocs shoes and sandals, because we find them useful, fun, and just downright easy to have in our lives.

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