Gimme That Christian Side Hug!

When Christians promote tznius…

The end results may still be completely ridiculous. Witness the following video that promotes the “Christian Side Hug” an attempt to offer physical warmth and compassion while also avoiding an inadvertent crotch graze:

Now you may not know this, but according to these guys, “Jesus never hugged nobody like that!” and so an alternative to the traditional hug was necessary. Hence the wigger gangsta posturing, sounds of gunfire and sirens, complete with dropped bullet casings and one of the most ridiculous videos I have ever seen – the only video in fact that ever inspired me to exclaim “What the fucking fuck was that???” It made me think of George Orwell’s 1984 and the Junior Anti-Sex League where kids would snitch on their parents. And what am I supposed to make of that opening refrain “I’m a rough rider, filled up with Christ’s love.” I mean depending on the definition you choose, a “rough rider” could mean “a condom covered with spikes enhancing sexual experience for the female, sometimes pain” or “A person who excels in sex” or someone who enjoys rough anal sex. I mean damn, if you’re going to co-opt urban culture to such an extreme, please at least use the appropriate terminology. And I do love the wholesome dancing girls playing the role of hoodie wearin’ hos. Awesome. I guess the worst part of all this, is when you fuck up on such a colossal scale, you make all religious people look completely retarded. I don’t know about the Christian Side Hug, but I do know a couple of Christian wiggers to whom I’d love to administer a Jewish Side Kick to the ass.

I wonder if they’ll turn the other cheek?

Well they did say they were Rough Riders!

Hat tip to Erez at Shemspeed

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  1. Cat

    11/25/2009 at 2:12 pm

    That is the most ridiculous video I’ve seen in ages, and you’re really hit the major points WHY it is SO ridiculous. Well done!

  2. Fooled by the Federation

    11/25/2009 at 11:22 pm

    I think it must be a parody — did you see his other uploads?

  3. Rabbi Yonah

    11/25/2009 at 11:24 pm

    Yo CK — This is a joke!

  4. mongo

    11/26/2009 at 1:26 am

    Sadly no Rabbi. I don’t think they’re a joke. Looks like this is part of a thing called the Encounter Generation Conference, taking place for three days from Feb. 25-27 in Vacaville, California – see egconference.o... – same venue and at the bottom of the page you’ll see three rapper guys, the same guys standing thug-like behind the Christian side hug rappers. Three days, religious motivational youth ministers preaching, music… can you say Christianlicious boys and girls? They even charge almost the same!

    On a side note:

    I’m a rough rider (a condom covered with spikes enhancing sexual experience),
    filled up with Christ’s love…

    A condom filled up with Christ’s love? Uh, gross?? I will never be able to look at a crucifix quite the same way again.

  5. Rob

    11/26/2009 at 2:57 am

    CK you seem to have alot of knowledge of sexual inuendo. Wonder why that is, i’m not going to speculate for fear that I may be wrong. Much unlike what you did to a video satire. Straight up – DO NOT JUDGE, it aint your job!

    • themiddle

      11/26/2009 at 4:13 am

      No, no, Rob, please do speculate!

  6. ck

    11/26/2009 at 5:23 am

    Rob, rough rider, as noted, has been defined as one who excels in sex and/or enjoys rough sex. For more details on that you need merely ask your m… oh never mind. I was just kidding anyway. As for the knowledge of sexual innuendo it’s just a cheap writers’ trick to get the rubes excited – witness themiddle’s response above.


  7. themiddle

    11/26/2009 at 6:16 am

    That’s the thanks I get for sticking up for you?

    • ck

      11/26/2009 at 7:14 am

      I’m just kidding TM! I kid, it’s what we do!

  8. Miriam Schwab

    11/26/2009 at 6:34 am

    That’s really disturbing for so many reasons.

  9. themiddle

    11/26/2009 at 8:23 am

    So was I.

    Both times. 😉

  10. ck

    11/26/2009 at 8:29 am

    Come here themiddle and let me give you my own personal brand of Christian side hug…

  11. themiddle

    11/26/2009 at 8:40 am

    I’d rather you answered my email. Leave the hugging to Rob and his friends.

  12. Yael

    11/26/2009 at 8:55 am

    Holy Crap! Jesus H. Murphy! Holy Mary mother of god!!! I’m speechless!

  13. jen

    11/26/2009 at 12:11 pm

    my mind has been blown.
    it’s funnier than the video about big bibles: youtube.com/wa...
    ladies, ladies, do you wanna save people from hades?
    but then, it’s even funnier because they’re serious.
    i’ll have to ask my sister in law if she’s a rough rider.

    • ck

      11/26/2009 at 12:30 pm

      Thanks Jen. Aren’t there any… you know, African American Christian rappers?? Do they all have to be so darned… white? Ask your sister in law please…

  14. patrick j

    11/26/2009 at 12:38 pm

    Honestly, this was a parody. This church has an active and hip youth group who likes to “push the envelope”. They have done many parodies but this one got the most attention. Anyone who thinks this is serious is naive.

  15. ck

    11/27/2009 at 4:00 am

    patrick j: Well it’s just plain irresponsible to put out a video like this without any context or indication that it was a joke. It leads to all kinds of misunderstandings. Like the Spanish Inquisition and Replacement Theology.

  16. dc

    11/28/2009 at 3:33 pm

    Absolutely absurd! Horribly amazing video.

    To note: watch yourself with the “wigger” use — it’s not cool to appropriate/ smush up the n-word to get any sort of point across. For those of us who grew up in the 80s it was a normal vocab word, but no one looks at its use very kindly anymore. Just trying to save you from a future ass-whoopin’. 🙂

  17. Mike

    11/28/2009 at 7:25 pm

    Wow…. I can’t get over how some have come to the conclusion that one of the major problems that NEEDS to be addressed. is the Hug.. oh I’m sorry the FRONT hug. I don’t know about you but WHO GETS A HARD ON by a hug. Come on now….. if you are the one getting turned on by innocent hugs…. YOU my friend are the problem. Next it’s going to be walking around blind folder or not looking people in the eyes due to temptation… all i can say is stupid, stupid and more stupid.

  18. Mike

    11/28/2009 at 7:33 pm

    And I also agree…. there should have been some more research done on terminology and such. (rough riders etc) Also what is up with the cop sirens in the background throughout the video. if you so christian what are the cops doing in the background? I’m so confused in so many ways watching this video. I HOPE this is a parody! I really do… LOL

  19. Isabel

    11/29/2009 at 1:52 am

    This is ridiculous…ahaha. Its pretty common for Christians to make fun of themselves at conferences like this. There are several times you hear everyone laughing.

    • froylein

      11/29/2009 at 4:49 am

      Oh my, kids, don’t be so serious. You cannot beat me at that anyway, so here goes:

      Are there Christian denominations hostile to sexuality and perceived possibly sexual behavior? Yes, there are. Puritans in the Old World would not hang up curtains in front of their windows so everybody could see they weren’t doing anything improper. The “True Love Waits”-movement has its roots in American Puritanism.
      Are there Jewish branches of affiliation with a similar outlook on interaction between sexes? Yes, there are. Ironically enough, they established those hard lines under the Puritan American influence.
      Are there males that get sexually aroused from hugs? Not going into details here, but yes, there are.
      Is all of Christianity hostile to sexuality and intimacy? No, it isn’t. Not by a far cry. The brotherly kiss was not a Communist invention. Christians would do this when the liturgy asked them to give each other a symbol / gesture of peace reconciliation (Tom, what’s the exact phrase in English?) long before it became customary to have seperate sex seating in church (now not customary anymore except for in more traditional congregations). Nowadays, the common practice is to shake hands and wish the other person that peace shall be with them.

      I was amused by that video, satire or whatnot just as I get amused by what my ultra-Orthodox friends listen to. It’s not always easy to tell what’s satire or what’s so absurd that it’s real-life satire.

  20. Allah

    11/29/2009 at 11:38 pm

    Eh, Israel shall fail, you need plastic surgery for your huge nose hahaha. Pigs.

  21. Tom Morrissey

    11/30/2009 at 10:53 am

    It’s ‘sign of peace’, froylein– which used to involve touching until our local cardinal banned that for fear of H1N1.

  22. xisnotx

    11/30/2009 at 11:48 am

    Rap video was a spoof, writer/performer says

  23. AM

    12/7/2009 at 7:23 pm

    It was a joke.. Thinkin you got owned CK

  24. JP

    12/7/2009 at 7:43 pm

    may they were referring to Roughrider as a Canadian Football Team..
    See nothing to do with sex..

  25. ck

    12/8/2009 at 2:42 am

    It was a joke? Like virgin birth, the inquisition, Vatican 2 and Papal infallibility?

    Oh those Christians! They get me EVERY time!

    • froylein

      12/8/2009 at 1:12 pm

      Or the parting of the Red Sea! Oh wait…

  26. R.C.

    12/11/2009 at 11:58 am

    Folks, you’ve been had. Check out the statement by the songwriter…uh, rap-writer. Or even the lyrics.

    It’s a joke; it’s poking fun. (Not least at folks who’d be so out-of-touch with how Christians actually think, so absorbed by the mainstream caricatures of Christians, as to think it was serious.)

    Hence all the “rough rider” references and other forms of tweaking.

    Personally, I thought the dead giveaway that this was none-too-serious was that the Darth Vader Imperial March music was being played slo-mo in the background. A serious statement of systematic theology this ain’t.

  27. Jugulum

    12/11/2009 at 12:50 pm

    I’m a Christian… I laughed as soon as I saw the title of the video. I assumed it would be the self-deprecating satire it turned out to be.

    It’s not supposed to be high art; it’s a skit. It’s awesomely bad. Or just bad. Or awesome. I can’t decide.

    At any rate, as a point of clarification: The side hug isn’t about avoiding accidental crotch grazing. It’s about something else. Imagine a front hug with a full-figured woman, where she doesn’t lean forward at all. The average teen boy is going to like it. (Or feel incredibly awkward, if it’s a female relative.)

    The side-hug is the next step past intentionally leaning into a hug.

  28. Debbie

    3/26/2010 at 6:33 pm

    I think that this video is inappropriate at best, it starts out saying let’s party, which is not what any church group should be saying. The things they say and the way the act is laughable and doesn’t seem to be WWJD (what would Jesus do). However, I find your discription of a rough rider some what lacking. My high school mascot was rough riders. Also, The “Rough Riders” was the name bestowed on the 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry. For more information see en.wikipedia.o...

    • froylein

      3/26/2010 at 6:53 pm

      If that is what you believe, then you must have missed a few parts of the gospels. For instance, Jesus partook in the joyous celebration of a wedding according to Jewish custom (on the third day, i.e. Tuesday) in Cana. He enjoyed alcoholic beverages there. As a Jew, he was religiously mandated to join in at festivities of private and communal nature. Had he failed to do this, it would have been noteworthy.

      Also, you’ll have a hard time bringing a no-party Christianity in line with the agape celebrations of early Christian communities.

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