Working for Al Qaeda

Think your Job Sucks?

Well, it probably does suck, but don’t you derive some comfort from the knowledge that others have it worst than you? Like when you read an article about how awful Walmart’s employment practices are. You think to yourself “Gosh darn! Those people at Walmart have it so bad!” Then you promise yourself not to shop there ever again – at least until the next time they have socks or some made in China shit you absolutely need on sale. You are of course horrified by how badly employees are treated and how little they are paid, but really you’re glad it’s not you.

In that vein, there’s news out about Al Qaeda’s employee compensation practices. These egg heads from the Rand Corporation got their hands on some captured Al Qaeda spreadsheets or something and released a study detailing some interesting facts about their financial situation. For instance, in 2005 and 2006, Al Qaeda in Iraq’s Anbar Province subsidiary was generating about $373,000 in monthly revenue. This was generated via blackmail, extortion and fencing stolen stuff. Excess revenue went to Al Qaeda Iraq’s central HQ. The Rand guys also figured out that each terror attack cost an average of $2,732 and each militant was paid $491 per year, more if they had a family.

The average household in Anbar earned $6,177 per anum while the average Al Qaeda household earned only $1,331. However, Al Qaeda employees got certain benefits – like medical coverage for instance. Also, while Al Qaeda employees had a 5000% greater yearly risk of violent death than their non-Al Qaeda neighbors, said death is when the really awesome benefits kick in – namely those 72 eternal virgins with automatic, self healing hymens! Scoff all you like, but what kind of benefits does your job offer, eh? Sign me up Osama!

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  1. Ben David

    12/24/2010 at 6:55 am

    Palestinian family sends mentally ill son to settlement in hope IDF shoots him
    Boy caught near central West Bank settlement of Beit El, said family forced him at gunpoint to go to settlement in hopes he would be killed.
    – – – – – – – – – –

    … and they caught family members nearby.

    Incredible, but reported by left-leaning Ha’aretz – Israel’s version of The Guardian.


  2. observer

    1/3/2011 at 8:17 am

    i cant believe you people are stupid enough to believe the “virgin” myth

    contrary to popular belief the holy quran doesnt promise 72 virgins, instead you get a garden with a silver river nearby, also your family and your wife if your are a guy

    the 72 virgin thing is in the hadiths, and if we are cherry picking quotes from non pure sources, the talmud is a far more nastier book compared to the hadiths

    wanna talk about the status of goyim in the talmud?

    according to the talmud, dog shit can be used as a medicine for epilepsy

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