Ready for Shavuot? Now You Will Be

It’s just hours (ok, days) till Shavuot begins.  Are you ready to stay up all night learning while shoveling a 50 foot wide cheesecake down your throat?  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you’ll want to read the Idiot’s Guide to Shavuot.

Here’s a short sample:

Agriculturally, Shavuot commemorates the time when the first fruits were brought to the Temple after a grueling three-day uphill journey in the desert heat. Unfortunately, Fresh Direct had yet to open their Jerusalem branch.

It is noteworthy that the holiday is called the time of the giving of the Torah, rather than the time of the receiving of the Torah. The Jewish sages point out that we are constantly in the process of receiving the Torah, that we receive it anew each day. This presents an excellent excuse to extricate oneself from any situation:

Wife: “Honey, Rivka invited us to go to see “The Notebook” rereleased in 3D this evening.”

Husband: “Sorry, I have to receive the Torah tonight.”

Wife: “Hmm…that’s what Rivka’s husband said too.”

Here’s the whole thing.  See you on the other side!  (By the way, there’s a massive all-night Shavuot party at CK’s place and you’re all invited.  What, he didn’t tell you?  Just come over, tell him I said it was ok…)

Chag sameach!

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