I’m Queen Esther. I took the place of Ahashverosh’s wife Vashti who apparently wasn’t obedient enough.
King A-money had a competition to find a new wifey. All the finest ladies participated. I was up for the challenge (& pretty!) and won; The Persian King fell in love and married me. At that point, once he was addicted to my milkshake, I told him the truth… That I’m a JEW! By then he was too emotionally invested to kill me along with the rest of the Jews as he originally planned. So he agreed not to kill us all. You’re welcome. Special shout out to my uncle Mordechai!
Would I do it all over again to save the Jewish peeps? Heck yes I would.
Now we eat cookies that look like the ears of the King; it’s one way we like to celebrate- how Mike Tyson of us.
Ps it’s a mitzvah to get drunk tonight. Oh and don’t forget to give money to those less fortunate, eat a feast with family, and send Mishloach Manot!
Happy Purim, y’all.