Or “ck’s most disappointing day. Ever.”
So Dov Charney, CEO of American Apparel gave me a call the other day. We were shooting the shit and it turns out that he was heading to Montreal to do some hiring for his stores and to visit his parents and his Grandmother. So I asked him if it was ok if I tagged along and do the whole Dov Charney experience first hand, rather than experience it vicariously through various commenters on Jewlicious.
I was so hyped up! Based on what I’ve read I was expecting, I don’t know… sluts swinging from chandeliers, a line up of hot young women waiting to
service interview with the CEO, drugs, porn, exploitation, boobies (Jewish and otherwise), basically Sodom of the North. And then I was going to document it all and blow open this whole Charney thing! I was further tantalized when Dov mentioned that the saucy Sona was going to be there as well, “helping out.”
What actually happened was decidedly different.
I got to Cours Mont Royale, an underground mall in downtown Montreal where Dov and his staff were busily interviewing about 40 people that showed up. The assembled looked to be between 18 and 25. They looked fresh faced and eager, not a porn model in sight. Those waiting to be interviewed were served a variety of snack items, like uh… Pepperidge Farms Goldfish, Pringles, bottled water, Fruitopia and uh… Lollipops. I took some pics, loitered around, asked some questions and kept waiting for the, you know, real festivities to begin. In the meantime, Sona and Dov were conducting interviews…
Afterwards, they invited me up to their home/office to hang out. I was thinking, “Allright! Now let the games begin!”
The assembled staff then started going through Polaroids of people who had been interviewed, discussing their various merits. The Polaroids were tame and totally not salacious. I was so bored. Afterwards Sona started compiling employee hours and doing the Payroll using software from somewhere similar to Zenefits. I know. What an idea. The only friggin Coke in site was of the Cola variety and Dov just kept taking calls from various people talking about t-shirts. It was all BTO, taking care of business. No boobies, no exploitation, no drugs, no nothing. Yawn-O-Ramma.
I looked out the window (what else do you do when you’re bored?) directly into the former head office of Seagrams, straight into the office where founder Sam Bronfman built a gigantic liquor empire from a small bootlegging operation. I thought it was kind of ironic, you know the whole Jewish Montreal hustler thing, but I figured Sam would approve. I mean, whatever you think of Charney, at least he hasn’t gone into business with a French water company, losing $3.6 billion in the process. Yup, Sam would definitely approve.