Ed. note: Originally posted by themiddle at 2:46 am EST. See end of article for explanation.
Apparently Jerusalem police have arrested ck and some associates. Their crime? They inscribed the word ‘allah’ on the Eastern wall of the Temple Mount.
“This vandalism, coupled with Israel’s lack of archaeological supervision at Judaism’s holiest site is simply lawlessness of the first order on the part of the Government,†said Temple Mount expert and Hebrew University archaeologist Dr. Eilat Mazar.
Asked to explain the horrid vandalism, ck mumbled something about the power structure in Israel discriminating against Sephardic Jews. He then complained aloud that the police interfered and did not allow him to complete the inscription. He intended to write ‘challah’ in the hopes of earning some extra cash to keep alive his hobby site, Jewlicious, which has been hemorrhaging cash recently since the addition of a new poster who goes by the moniker “The Middle.†When asked about this, ck became slightly flushed and yelled, “Middle my ass! He’s a rabid secularist leftist half-breed with Hungarian roots!†Then, noticing a camera upon him, ck quickly lifted his t-shirt to reveal a clean shaven chest and abdomen with the web address shmatas.com marked on it in bright red.
Ck appears to be the owner of the website Shmatas.com and a popular seller for him is the ‘Challah is Great’ t-shirt.
It seems the arrest is not all bad news for ck. Shirt sales at shmatas.com have increased dramatically over the past several hours. Also, PR specialists in Israel are already calling the not-so-young man in the hopes of securing his services for their firms. One police officer noted that an anxious woman also called in, asking if ck was married or unmarried. Her daughter, it seems, a charming and lovely 34 year old virgin (so the mother reports), is seeking a life partner with whom she could kiss and cuddle. Ck was overheard asking an officer whether the virgin was Sephardic, babelicious, and could make chakchouka like his mom, Brakha.
In an odd twist, the Kaballah Center in the U.S. has agreed to pay ck’s bail. “Why not,†said a representative of the Center, “All he needs to do is add kay-ay-bee and we can get some terrific publicity.†Ck is said to be mulling it over, but is afraid The Middle might call him an Orthodox prostitute and post a picture of him in a bra.
Ed. Note: So when we first saw this we laughed. TM had taken the piss outta ck again with a funny twist on an otherwise serious story. Now I’m usually pretty chill about stuff like that, but I decided to take the piss out of themiddle and respond as if I was indignant. We predicted that he would respond with outrage or something, which he did. I then added the comment “Ha ha! Gotcha back! You’re so predictable! with an appropriate smiley face to show it was cool. But by then themiddle, for some odd reason, deleted the post. Luckily I kept a copy of the post and the comments. Don’t wanna deprive anyone of a good laugh! Heh heh heh …
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ah thanks TM! whoo….
Oy, Muffti has to be loyal to CK? Do you know the kinda trouble that man gets in?
Heebster, very nice site!
referencing the 34 year old cuddlebug virgin was the best part.
BTW Esther, where were you last night?
Yes, I know what you mean, Esther. It’s an awesome experience to feel the love between them, as we have had the pleasure of witnessing. We can all learn something about loyalty from them.
CK and Muffti have a very special way of talking to each other that none of us can hope to ever understand. Let’s just all sit back and feel the big Jewlicious love.
When are you ever pissed at me Janice? I have noooo idea what you’re talking about ….
Lately there seems to be a lot of people who aren’t “getting” the sarcasm or irony in the posts. Myself included. I know that sometimes when I’m pissed at someone (ck as a good example), I can call him on the phone and actually talk it over. All of you guys are masters of “virtual testing,” or “virtual sarcasm,” which actually makes your blog so entertaining. Or just plain annoying.
you guys are histerical! I love this site!! Im awaiting the day you guys take over the world
Muffti is touched and amused. You were really worrying about offending CK. Dude. CK is pretty thick skinned. For example, once Muffti called him a ‘$%&* @#$%ing $@#^-for-brains #@)&#@#$%%^%^#$%#%@#%ed little $%#@ sucking &!!@$^%’ and he barely batted an eye.
Muffti should mention, though, he once called CK a ‘mofo’ and he got a little upset. And if you say he looks fat in his jeans, he’ll cry like a little &%^$# and not talk to you for half an hour.
I didn’t get upset with his antics. I was surprised, thought he was genuinely offended, and didn’t want to get into another 40 post discussion about personal attacks. So I removed the post. I saved it, just in case it was something that didn’t offend him. But, instead of discussing it with me, he reposted it. So, I’m glad that he’s not offended and I’m glad the post is back up. At no point however, was I upset – merely concerned that I had upset him.
Do y’all see what the Muffti has to put up with? Do you see what drove him to atheism? Between Laya’s existential crises, TMs mood changes, Alli’s anxiety (sorry to draw you in) and CKs, well, CKness*, it’s no wonder the Grand Muffti loves reason and biting sarcasm.
Just kidding! Muffti loves all his Jewlicious co-conspirators. TM, that was reallly funny but why d’ya get so upset with CK antics? They are funny too! And CK, some day when you DO get arrested in the Holy Land, you’ll finally appreciate the benefits of friendship with a Grand Muffti.
*(not to mention Shtremiel’s self granted authority on all sex matters.)
Jewlicious: Where Purim Never Ends. (That’s my credo, also…) One of the reasons I joined you, really. That plus the coexistence of different opinions, the gentle teasing, smarntess and silliness, a high level of discussion side-by-side with tongue-in-cheek, equal-opportunity irreverence, and above all, a love of all things Jewlicious.
Saffiyah, to echo CK, any of us are happy to answer questions. As for the divinity of challah, I’ll allow that it does depend on the brand–but they’re all pretty damn good, and the reason so many Jews have problems sticking to the Atkins diet.
😉
Whos that in the hedjab?
Saffiyah: The last thing I wanna do is insult you. I’ve posted on your blog several times and I’ve always been chill – no reason to be otherwise. Challah is the bread we eat on the sabbath and all the t-shirt says really is that Challah is great. Granted, it is a play on words, but Allah is our G*d too. And believe me, when my Mom is exasperated with me, looks up to the heavens and beseeches “Ya Allah!” she does so in the hopes of inspiring divine intervention, and not as some clever, ironic commentary.
Also if you have any questions with respect to terminology, just ask. We’ll be glad to answer.
Oh, you guys!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
This was great. Soooooo great!
You two are hilarious, even when you’re not trying.
I visit your blog regularly, and I’m fascinated with the discussions hat take place here though I often don’t understand the terminology! Only problem is, every time I get here, my eyes light upon the t-shirts to the right. I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s just a joke, but somehow I still find myself thinking it’s a bit insulting. And forgive me it you feel it’s not my place to mention this.
*yawn*
Tell it to cousins Shimon and Avi.
What pissing match? The story was funny! I liked it! I was just being light hearted and funny too! Seriously!!
Nope, I don’t feel like another pissing match today. Maybe tomorrow, but not today.
Aw come on dude. It’s Adar! We’re laughing with you!
Not impressed.
Here are the deleted comments. Sorry I can’t reinsert them into the database, but when I am laughing this hard, it’s best I leave the database alone. Mishehnichnas Adar! Heh …
1.
Jerusalem police would never arrest ck. Cousin Shimon and cousin Avi would never allow that to happen. I don’t need anyone to make me shakshouka because I make it myself. As for the completely unneccessary and mean-spirited reference to Shomer Negiah Girl, it adds nothing to the story and besides truth be told, I or anyone else ought to be honored to even be considered worthy, which I clearly am not.
As far as traffic on our site, it’s been steadily increasing. In the last 3 months page views and visitors have more than doubled and March is already the busiest month ever.
Shmatas.com has yet to generate a profit of any kind.
But other than that, great post! Nice spin on the vandalism of one of our most sacred and holy sites.
Comment by ck — 3/30/2005 @ 3:29 am
2.
Anyone have pictures? No one, not even A7 can seem to get someone at the kotel to send an MMS with the engraving to the net?
Comment by josh — 3/30/2005 @ 3:46 am
3.
See why I can’t stand modern-day journalism?
In the jpost story there isn’t even a description of the size of the letters, if it is a deep engraving or superficial ’scratching’?
Can’t jpost run someone over to the old city and actually get facts rather than ‘eyewitness’ reports?
Comment by josh — 3/30/2005 @ 4:02 am
4.
Sheesh ck, I admit it, that was entirely made up. Please treat the post as such.
As for the reference to NJG, it is not mean-spirited at all. It is humorous and probably fairly accurate. Would you like to meet her? Oh, and since you insist on taking this seriously, instead of simply having fun with it, I’ll point out that her choices do not make her superior to you or anybody else. She is not a saint and she is not a martyr. Her choice is simply that, a choice. There are plenty of very good and generous people who are no less good than she, but have allowed members of the opposite sex to touch and even sleep with them prior to marriage.
Sheesh!
Comment by T_M — 3/30/2005 @ 4:07 am
5.
Ha ha! Gotcha back!
You’re so predictable!
😉
Comment by ck — 3/30/2005 @ 4:10 am