Quite possibly the stupidest blog post EVER written
The postponement of Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher’s nuptials generated a ton of responses ever since the story was first broken by The Daily Mail. One response however, stands out as about one of the dumbest things I have ever read on the Web. And I read a lot of dumb shit. Witness this response by Evil Beet who penned this moronic missive for Film.com. Titled Isla Fisher Would Rather Be a Star Than a Jew, Evil Beet, who is apparently a Jewess wrote:
Ugh. I had to go to Hebrew school (in addition to regular school!) for YEARS when I was a kid so that I could become a full-fledged Jew and then spend the majority of my adulthood attempting to explain to my mother that, yes, Judaism is nice and all, but Jewish men are skinny, short and/or nerdy and I don’t want to go out with them, Mom, even if you are going to pay for the JDate subscription, and yes, Mom, I know there are lots of nice Jewish boys in Los Angeles and maybe if I went to temple more often I’d meet some of them but, see, let me reiterate, Mom, that I don’t really want to date a Jewish guy. Sigh. I kind of represent the reason that old Jews are sad about my generation of Jews. Mainly, we want to date anyone other than our fellow Jews. All that Hebrew-learning, wasted. If I could just hand it over to you, Isla, I would.
Anyone know any tall, hot, ripped, funny, smart and awesome Jewish guys living in Seattle
Jewish men are skinny, short and/or nerdy? WTF?? I know I don’t want to date black women because they smell funny and their butts are too big. I don’t want to date Asian women because they can’t drive and they are passive in bed. I don’t want to date Russian women because as soon as you marry them they get fat and spend all your money on spa vacations with their Mother. I don’t want to date Latinas because they’re loud and if you get into an argument with them they will cut you in your sleep. I could go on and on, but the fact is that if I did know a tall, hot, ripped, funny, smart and awesome Jewish guy living in Seattle. I’d tell him to stay the fuck away from Evil Beet because clearly, she is a moron.
I’m 6’1″, loaded with degrees and am known to be funny from time to time. As such, I feel qualified to pass this message on to Evil Beet, on behalf of all my “skinny, short and/or nerdy” Jewish brothers: Evil Beet? I have this to say to you. Why won’t you take my calls?? I promise on the next date I’ll pay for everything this time and I will keep my calculator at home. Also, I’ll try hard not to regale you with my amazingly long list of allergies and ailments as well as an item by item description of my Star Wars mint-condition figurines collection. We’ll do something fun too – not a JDate Party, maybe a non-Woody Allen Film or something. So, you know, call me! OK? Seriously. Call me. Any time. Operators are standing by.
UPDATE: OK so maybe Evil Beet isn’t a total tool. Witness this sensitive post on the evils of drug addiction which ends with a plea for a prayer for her friend. And this post on the High School Musical 3 Trailer is admittedly pretty funny too.