Publicists for Sarah Silverman 37 and Jimmy Kimmel 39 have announced the couple’s breakup. Talk show host Kimmel and Comedian Silverman were dating for 5 years.
So what am I supposed to say here? That I’m glad that there’s one less Non-Jew/Jewess couple in the world? Is Michael Steinhardt jumping for joy? Are his people getting in touch with her people to set her up with an appropriate Jewish boy (is Steinhardt speech writer Eli Valley currently single?)? Am I supposed to make reference to their “Fucking Matt Damon/Ben Affleck” video duel and note that now no one is making sweet love to anyone? Should I note that I always thought hottie Silverman was too good for rolly polly Kimmel? That Silverman probably thought that 5 years of pity sex was enough?
No. This is undoubtedly a difficult thing for both of them. Hollywood is not known for its long-term relationships and 5-years is a long time in any context. They are both undoubtedly sad and I hope they feel better soon.
Who am I kidding. Fuck you Jimmy Kimmel, you dumb ass. You blew it. As for you Sarahleh, welcome back to the tribe! Dumping Kimmel makes so much sense – it’s as if the universe is now properly aligned again, as if some wrong has now been righted, like that feeling you get when a pesky piece of food has finally been dislodged from your tooth. Mazal Tov!