Don’t say I’m mean, because that’s the brutal reality: Germany’s contestants in the Eurovision have not been all that impressive in a long while, and even without, hmmmm, the voting habits several smaller European states seem to have adopted, German entries wouldn’t have stood a chance of winning anyway.
For your consideration, here is this year’s German contribution:
Rumour has it Dita von Teese will be performing a striptease during the German stage appearance. Could that striptease, ack, prove itself to be the secret key to earning votes from Eastern Europe?
If that is the case, who can we have drop his (gender balance, please) garb during the Israeli performance?
Israel first will have to qualify for the final in the first semi-final on 12th May. Since Germany (as well as France, the UK, and Spain) is one of the biggest contributors to some European media thingy moneywise, it need not qualify for the finals just like last year’s Eurovision winner Russia.
Whatever the results of the contest might be, die-hard Eurovision Song Contest-fans cannot be kept from celebrating. Since there’ll already be nudity on the screen, I’ll suggest an alcoholic German summer party staple: Schlammbowle (“mud punch”).
For a sufficient amount of Schlammbowle, you’ll need a large enough bowl and a laddle to begin with. My favourite mix of fruit in Schlammbowle consists of pineapple (peeled & diced), peach (peeled and sliced; get them canned if you want to save time and yourself from sticky fingers), and galia melon (slice, remove the peel and dice; scoop little balls out of it if you want more variety in the shapes). Place the fruit into the bowl (it should take up one quarter to one third of the space). Now take some stronger spirit you like and fill into the bowl until the fruit is just about covered. (This fruit mix goes well with lemon-flavoured vodka.) Store the bowl in the fridge to soak. Just before serving, pour in dry white wine, dry white champagne, and juice or orangeade (all chilled). Then add a generous quantity of vanilla ice cream. As the vanilla ice cream melts, it makes the drink look all muddy. An average-sized Bowle-vessel (a standard wedding gift in the 1970s going by how many my mother got) holds about one bottle of wine, two bottles of champagne and a large bottle of orangeade on top of the laced fruit. Caution, the drinks might taste like dessert, but they’re rich in alcohol, and the alcohol in the fruit will most kick in once it’s inside your stomach. So just crash at CK’s place. (Who, I suppose, will now have to host a Eurovision party with Schlammbowle. I can already picture his reaction, so: You’re most welcome, my dear.)
The Euro contest is garbage anyway. Good musicians don´t need such bull to get recognized.
The Israeli “contribution” with Achinoam Nini was utter trash. And the rest of the song contest was a bunch of gay idiots squeaking like pigs. Who needs sucn nonsense. Waste of time and money.
I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for Die Wacht am Rhein. Somebody should submit a contemporary version of that one next time.
As one of the jurors picking the German entry stated, “It was the best song that was submitted. This much can be said about it.”
Ben-David: No one is doing ersatz American anything. That’s such an America-centric concept. If anything, all that “American music” being imitated was from the UK….
The “eurovision song” has been a subject of parody from time immemorial (there’s even a joke in Monty Python about this), which is why it is so much fun. One woefully trashy song after another, preferably sung by someone memorable, either half naked or a freak of some sort. Personally, I would have all the countries just do “Waterloo”, “Genghis Khan” and “Satellite” (Sweden’s entry the year after Abba) over and over again. Oh wait, that’s exactly what they do 🙂
This year’s entry from Germany sounds like rehashed Cicero, no? Another schlager!!!
Froylein: I’d say the latest album by Klez.E is among the best albums I’ve heard in a long long time, Der Saal is a total classic.
Ooooops, sorry, that indeed was a typo. Gelato is just the Italian word for ice cream here (and in Italy); from your comment I take it it’s something more to the fruity side. The year before last I mixed and used half vanilla ice cream and half lemon sorbet; that went pretty well. The vanilla ice cream adds the “mud”; sorbet leaves no distinct trace. 🙂
That Schlammbowle sounded great – until the vanilla ice cream. Why not continue the fruit theme with gelato or sherbet?
…and I think you want a ladle, not a “laddle” – or are you still talking about a male stripper?
The problem is that too many of the European entries are trying to do ersatz American pop instead of something that draws on their own traditions. So you get a pastiche of cliches.
I don’t particularly like the political angle of the Israeli entry – it’s a somewhat transparent ploy – but the song and singers are real, expressing something from their own experience.
Why must we run in this eurotrash slam anyway.
Suppose you won’t be making it to CK’s party then.
I totally hate the Israeli entry. Why must we run in this eurotrash slam anyway. Where are the Teapacks? ‘Salam Salami’ was a damn great song. Ah wait, I think they started with ‘Push the button’ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei4zlCbquoY). Also, a nice song.
The Italians are still good at cooking. 🙂 We’ve got a lot of good musicians here, but as somebody once noted, the most famous German bands abroad (Ramstein and Tokio Hotel) don’t need that kind of publicity and other more famous musicians are afraid of being surpassed by some unknown newbie. Last year, an audition-made-up girlband that was pretty popular years ago tried to boost its comeback that way and failed miserably.
These guys at least are a lot of fun:
Once, the Germans were good at music. Once, the French were good at painting.
I won’t share what kind of things happened due to Schlammbowle back when I was young, but I bet we can get CK to do some live streaming from his flat. 🙂
That Israeli song is an instant winner. I’d put money on it. Arabic and Hebrew singing about making peace?
Ae you suggesting, froylein, that this punch bowl recipe leads to nudity and, uh, nude singing?