Hot on the news that tznius is now in, one of our regular readers, a nice Chabad dude who works nearby, sent us a sort of love letter that he’d like to dedicate to a comely local librarian that he’s taken a fancy to.
Yup, that’s what I said. An attractive local librarian. That tznius thing is powerful yo!
Anyhow, here’s ST’s uh… love letter. Enjoy, he’s kinda funny.
An Open Letter to a Lovely Librarian
Dear Librarian, You are super hot. Because of you I visit the library on a regular basis. I realize that the existence of a sexy librarian is akin to the discovery of an obese cheerleader. This makes your pulchritude even more precious. The library excursion is all about rummaging through musty books. And you have become the gold at the end of the rainbow of tomes.
I confess that historically, my library conduct has been a far cry from exemplary. As a child, I owed so many books to the village library, that the townsfolk would come to my house to borrow books. But this was in the past. One glimpse of you and my library recklessness has been reformed. Furthermore, if you should decide to fall in love with me, I will become a volunteer bounty hunter for the library.
My feelings for you run deep. So deep that the depths of the oceans are feeling intimidated. Before I laid my eyes on you, I professed fondness for two unrelated things. Namely, the female and the book. Then you arrived and combined my ardent affections into a single chapter.
Never have I felt this way towards a librarian. You have become the soul and spirit of my literary microcosm. Please take me seriously, for I seek truth. On occasion I will also seek out a good deal on designer jeans. Consider the fact that the only genre of books that I read is non-fiction.
I hope that I do not come across as an eccentric. Most people define me as a normal person. I like watching the television programs and I harbor a dislike for the commercials. Especially the advertisements that flaunt luxury vehicles (for I am destitute) and beer (for I detest its musky flavor and prefer vodka).
I feel that it is necessary for us to have an honest relationship. I therefore wish to confess a misdeed. The library card that I use is not mine. It belongs to my cousin. I had no choice. He had a card and I did not. Please forgive me. My moral judgment was impaired by my desire to see you and by my pining to be well read. I am sorry for misleading you and for deceiving the institution that you work for.
If you were a book, I’d struggle with the task of indexing you, as the options would be endless! Your eyes radiate mystery. Your facial expression conveys drama. Your chiseled features would be best suited amongst the shelves of architecture. And your feminine figure that defies agnosticism would be displayed behind the glass of the art displays.
My beloved heartthrob, please do not be alarmed by my forthcoming inquiry. Once as I exited the library, I spotted you driving off with another man. Was that your boyfriend who picked you up after your shift???
If yes, can you forget him and remember me? If romantic amnesia is not an alternative, can you at least set me up with your sister? If you don’t have a sister, can you convince your parents to adopt a (leggy) super model and then hook her up with me?
And if that intriguing male was not your boyfriend, who then was it? Were you being kidnapped? Was there a ransom note? Do your parents intend on delivering the unmarked bills? If the transaction goes smoothly and your release is secured, can we go out for coffee after your nerves settle down?
Yours for all Eternity,
ST
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So we all know designer jeans don’t come cheap. Premium denim brands like Seven for All Mankind, Evisu, Armani, Versace Jeans, Dolce & Gabbana, Antik Denim, Earnest Sewn, RMC and many others sell from anywhere between $200 and $800 and there are plenty of us out there willing to cough-up the cash for that premium denim thrill….
….but how far would you go? Would you pay over $1,000 for a pair of exclusive designer jeans — maybe? Well if you are willing to pay that kind of money you’re not alone and you’ll not need to worry about your options because there’s a growing list of designer brands entering the “Transcendent†Premium Denim market. The Transcendent premium denim market includes any designer jeans over and above the $1,000 mark. The most famous Transcendent premium denim includes the Evisu “Millennium†Golds which sold for a whopping £1,200 (approximately $2,000) in the year 2000 — these designer jeans where signed by the Evisu founder Hidehiko Yamane and where limited to 100 pairs each with 22kt gold buttons and 22kt gold thread. Hold on, the Evisu Millenniums are nowhere near the most expensive Transcendent premium denim designer jeans. The Gucci “Genius Jeans†a basic pair of Gucci designer jeans had been distressed, ripped and covered with African beads were priced at $3,134 in 1998. It doesn’t stop there — Escada couture produce jeans that sell for up to $10,000; Escada designer jeans adorned with 14 karat gold or silver rivets and diamond buttons. And we mustn’t forget the amazing A.P.O. custom-made Designer Jeans which sell for up to $4,000 and are embellished with diamonds, gold and platinum, not to mention specially woven Indian denim which costs $40 a yard!
The Transcendent premium denim jeans listed above pale into insignificance compared to the most expensive jeans ever acquired. In 2001 Levi Strauss & Co reputed paid an incredible $46,532 for a pair of Levis were found in a Nevada mining town and date back to the 1880s.
Transcendent premium denim designer jean market looks destined to grow as more and more consumers demand unparallel luxury and originality. Just how high this niche market will go only time will tell.
Um, librarians are sexy!