Muffti wrote up a post on this, but then for some reason that Muffti can only blame hashem for, it got lost. So here’s an abridged version.
Muffti was going to take Xmas eve easy but Manwhore Jonathon wanted to go to the city so Muffti and MWJ jumped in the car and drove to EVs. Proud Self Loather showed up with his wife and her friend. Slivovice (plum czech brandy) was graciously provided by EV as well as a few Czech beers (he also had some other Czech substances around, but we’ll blog about that some other time.) Anyhow, beers were pounded and here’s a pre-party photo of PSL, EV (a.k.a. Geoff Rush), and yours truly, the Muffti:
(Shut up. It’s a bad photo). EV is a gracious host and a generally cool guy so Muffti was happy to chill at his apartment for a while and, to put it in the phrase of the sorority girls and frat boys in the Jersey area, pre-game.
Anyhow, we went to the heeb party where we were greeted with a line, mostly full of dudes. Despite this, we trudged in and paid the 20$ cover (as EV found out, the advertised ’18$ with exact change’ was a farce). MWJ and Muffti hit the bar for tequila shots and beers, and as a result Muffti hereby appologizes to his landlord for his expected inability to pay January’s rent. In any case, EV caught a hold of none other than David Kelsey and introduced the Muff to the kvetcher. DK looked Muffti up and down and said ‘you’re a bit of a pretty boy for a philosopher’. Muffti isn’t quite sure that’s a compliment, but…DK turns out to be a great guy and a good time was had by all.
How was the party part of the party? Muffti won’t sugar-coat it; it was ok but not great. The phrase ‘this is just like a matzo ball’ was thrown around; but Muffti can’t confirm that statement because he’s never been to a matzo ball before. Surely it’s an insult, however, because the Heeb party was advertized as being for people who think that ‘matzo ball blows’. Anyhow, it wasn’t all that bad, but not quite as happening as Muffti would have liked. Then again, it was Xmas eve so Muffti can’t complain too much. Heeb was basically competing with the aformentioned Matzo Ball, movies and strip clubs. Anyhow, there were cute bartenders and some cage dancing. Weirdest of all was upstairs, Muffti saw the orthodox rapper entertainment (whose name he forgets but he’s pretty sure it’s not that reggae guy, Matityahu or whatever) sitting down while a very attractive eastern european girl was dancing seductively for him, albeit about 6 feet away. When Muffti asked if she was giving a no-contact lapdance, she told mMuffti ‘go speak to him! [pointing at the Ortho rapper] He’s not jealous’. Muffti wasn’t totally sure what she meant but he wasn’t able to glean much more. Here’s a snippet:
Muffti: Where are you from?
Attractive Dancer (AD): Europe.
Muffti: Yes, obviously, but where in Europe?
AD: Europe.
Muffti: So whose the rapper dude you are dancing for?
AD: You should talk to him!
Muffti: No, thanks.
AD: No really, you shoudl he’s not jealous!
Muffti was (he thinks understandably) confused: why would talking to rapper dude make HIM jealous?!! It went on like that for a bit until Muffti realized he really might have to talk to the rapper. But he opted for more tequila shots instead. In any case, it was a good night, MWJ met a grrl and Muffti got to put some faces to some of the commentors and posters from our mortal enemies newly renewed friends, Jewschool.
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2secondary
hit me back with comment’
EV: you do resemble GR; as much as anyone who isn’t his identical twin can.
Muffti: It wasn’t a complement. Translation – You appear to be shallow. Try body language the next time music is too loud for chatting.
ps – EV, try growing a beard, it reduced my number of visible chins in half. Ooh, GIRLFRIEND!
At least this photo doesn’t make my ass look fat, like the jeans I’m wearing.
(Happy now?!)
Why Esther rocks: Because she clearly sees that the issue is EV being too tall, and not the rest of us being, um, vertically challenged.
For all my lady-fans out there, this is a horrible photo of me, I look like a freakin’ muppet, and I have no idea who Muffti is referring to when he writes “Proud Self Loather showed up with his wife…”
Okay, it’s true that I’m married. But my wife and I have an “agreement.”
Okay, we have no agreement.
Did no one read the part where it said ‘shut up, bad picture’?
Not that I’m taking pleasure in the misery of others, but honestly, it’s kind of interesting for me (who constantly hates pictures of herself) to listen to men discuss their dissatisfaction with their own photographic representations. And I mean, “interesting” strictly from a social scientist’s perspective.
While we’re at it, PSL, lemme say that the reason I always look like I have three chins in photos is that, at eight feet tall, I tower over all photographers. Hence, they take worm’s eye view shots. Always. Ergo, triple chin.
Muffti,
🙄
Is your mama reading this?
Muffti gave it the college try, but the music was a bit too loud for Muffti’s sweet words to make their way to the ears of the ladies. For example:
Muffti: Hey, what’s your name, baby?
Opposite Sex member: WHAT?
Muffti: How are you doing?
OSM: WHAT?
Muffti (to bartender): tequila, please.
Muffti just doesn’t know how to talk to the Jewish girls.
Yes, Esther — further evidence, if any was needed, that I don’t resemble Mr. Rush.
As for other “substances,” Muff, I think you’re referring to this. It’s good shit, is it not? “Created by a second grade school teacher” – always a sign of salubrity.
themiddle, the Jewish people are always in trouble. It’s our crisis mode that keeps us as sane as we are. Biggest crisis I see here is that EV is clearly too tall.
Muffti,
What about, um, the opposite sex? Did you meet anybody? Was there anybody to meet? Are the Jewish people in trouble? Etc.