studlyChannel your inner Charney

I came in today to find that we had been Gawkered. For those of you who do not know, Gawker is one of those unbearably cool blogs, wading hip deep in a delicious morass of pop culture, gossip and irony, while managing to both denigrate and celebrate the cult of celebrity. Not surprisingly, Gawker is very, very popular and today, Gawker saw fit to link to us. I posted a story in August about Dov Charney, President of American Apparel, the company that makes those unbearably cute crop top girlie-ts, etc. My post quoted from an article in Jane Magazine written by the witty and erudite Claudine Ko. This article went beyond the formulaic profile of a hipster business dude. Of course, Charney’s creative vision and innovative labour practices were amply discussed. But most everybody reading the article focused mostly on Charney’s thing for uh… masturbation – with staff, in front of Ko… This made for an unconventional but nonetheless interesting story.

Since then, we’ve been inundated with people googling for info about Dov. In fact that’s our number one source of search engine traffic. The Internet in general has been awash with message board discussions relating to Charney’s predilection for public pud pulling. Charney and American Apparel have gotten oodles of press of course, including today’s piece in the New York Times, which, as Gawker noted, made no mention of Charney’s onanistic endeavors. Perhaps the money people behind American Apparel wanted Charney to tone down the whole whacking off thing, fearful that it might detrimentally affect their bottom line.

However, it seems as if quite the opposite is true. Women, the bulk of American Apparel’s customer base, seem to love Charney. Despite everything we’ve been told about sensitivity and feelings and cuddling, bad boys are indeed BIG!

So let’s say you’re a well meaning and sensitive guy interested in finding some nice woman to spend time with. Would you reveal your penchant for porn? Would you openly discuss your love of masturbation? Talk about how great it is to receive oral sex from co-workers? Conventional wisdom would say “no to all the above.” However, reality dictates that the answer to those questions is not so straightforward. How else does one explain the enduring popularity with the fair sex of bab boys in general and Dov Charney specifically?

I mean lets look at Claudine Ko, the woman who wrote the underlying Jane magazine article about Charney. She caught a lot of flack for the way she ended the story – after enduring some pretty sleazy displays, she said this about having to spend lots of time in close proximity to Charney: “Then as I step into the depths of the backseat, I realize I don’t want this trip to end just yet.” Now I’ve spoken to Claudine a number of times. She’s a nice, well spoken, otherwise totally normal woman. She’s had to deal with all kinds of sleazy allegations regarding the time she spent with Charney that question her journalistic integrity, as it were. And yet …

I asked Claudine about bad boys in general and she quickly replied “I love them.” When asked about Charney she said “Despite everything (allegations, speculation etc.) whenever I see a picture of Dov I can’t help but smile and think fondly of him. That reporting experience was fun, engaging, stimulating and interesting. Dov Charney is a mad man and I like that.”

There it is gentlemen. I hope that explains everything. And by gentlemen I mean the two guys I spoke to today who were both having personal issues with their women. The details are private and unimportant but suffice it to say that they are both generally good guys.They treat women well and let them know exactly how they feel. They don’t play games and they don’t beat around the bush. And yet, both got unceremoniously shot down and the only explanation I can offer them is that they were honest. And nice. And sincere. They both felt great admiration for the women in question and neither hid the way he felt.

Stupid boys.

Women say they want all that shit but clearly they crave obfuscation. They crave the unknown. They crave mystery and insecurity. They want the bad boy. The nice guy does nothing for them. NOTHING. Wanna snag that bashert? Wanna tap that eyshes chayil? Be a prick. Don’t be so forthcoming. Resist the temptation to sing her praises. Seduce her best friend. Heck, masturbate in public! Just whatever you do, do not be direct about your admiration for her. Let her guess and wonder. Foster a sense of mystery; essentially what I am saying is be dishonest, and base, and inattentive. Channel your inner Charney and let him run loose.

And ladies? The same advice applies to you. Men are just as messed up as you are!

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About the author

ck

Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

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