Dr. Janice Bennett is a clinical therapist, relationship coach, love coach on Jewish dating site JMatch.com and good friend of Jewlicious. I once proposed that she ought to cast a critical and professional eye upon some of the Jewish bloggers who blog about relationship issues. This is the second posting in this realm. I figured it would be fun and enlightening. What the hey, it’s all in good fun and we get to be exposed to expert advice. Did I already mention that Janice often writes for Cosmo? Anyhow, without further ado…
Blogging, especially about one’s romantic endeavors, got a big boost the other day when the New York Times printed the first-person account of Heather Hunter and her virtual, and then actual, romance with another blogger, the Musician. Heather blogged her romance with Musician as it was “therapeutic, relatively safe and vastly preferable to, say, slashing [his] tires.”
While I found Heather’s romantic travails interesting, and quite well-written, I myself have been engrossed in the blog of “Annabel_Lee,” a young Jewish woman living in L.A. (just as another blogger whose blog I analyzed), who bemoans her single status and is actively looking to become un-single.
In reading her blog, Annabel_Lee describes an active social life where she has many opportunities to meet single men — e.g., at friends’ parties, shabbat dinners and shul events. She has a profile on JDate and posts about her “JDates” on her blog. For example, she described “JDate No. 523” as someone she decided to meet in person after a few emails and phone calls and “gave him a chance” by meeting him in person, even though he was not as religiously committed as she. And B#1 lived in a city far enough away that he could use the distance to collude with his commitment phobia. Sadly, I suspect Annabel_Lee didn’t see either of these dead-ends coming.
Unfortunately, Annabel_Lee is going about looking for Mr. Right without a “dating road map.” As a dating and relationship coach, I create dating road maps with singles so that their vision of the ideal relationship and life they want is clearly articulated. This dating road map is, in essence, your “ideal mate.” The road map’s “destination” however, is your â€œsuitable mate.â€ Finding a suitable mate is accomplished by consciously dating to learn enough about who you’re dating to determine which qualities and attributes of your ideal mate are mandatory, and which ones are negotiable. Sessions with a coach could help Annabel_Lee to create and follow an individualized action plan to determine who to look for, where to search, overcome the dating obstacles she encounters, and to make healthy relationship decisions. All with the road map as her guide.
Perhaps Annabel_Lee did create something of a road map on her JDate profile, but I haven’t seen it, nor her picture. Instead, she muses,
I’ve wondered, often, if the man I will marry is someone I already know. Maybe he’s someone I met and forgot, and I wonder if we’ll ever figure out that we met before. Maybe he’s the guy who cut me off on the freeway, or maybe he’s the guy I prevented from making a left turn when I cruised through the yellow light. Maybe he’s the guy who walked into a party just moments after I left. Or maybe he’s out there reading this blog, thinking of me (the real me) and not realizing that I am the person behind the persona of ‘annabel lee’.
Although she has the support of other bloggers, Annabel_Lee is floundering in her search to find Mr. Right. Maybe if she keeps blogging about her relationships, she’ll get profiled in the New York Times too.