Only Simchas!So it’s the month of Adar, and soon it will be Purim, arguably one of the funnest holidays on the Jewish calendar, what with all the drinking and hammantaschen and all. But we don’t have to wait for Purim to have fun. There’s a saying in Hebrew, mi sheh nichnas Adar, marbim beh simchah – basically, with the start of Adar, we should have plenty of joy, or something. In light of that, I found this funny post, well, I think its funny, by one sultan knish, on Hashkafah.com. For those of you who understand the many layers of humor involved here, enjoy. For the rest of you who are like “What? Who are those people?” I would suggest finding a Rabbi somewhere to explain … *sigh*

Would Yeshivish People Date Anyone In The Torah?

There’s Avraham Avinu – he seems to be frum but really he’s a BT and his father made idols, not our kind… next

Yitzchak Avinu – well his grandfather made idols, there was all that nastiness with Lot and his half brother is an arab.

Yaakov Avinu – His great-grandfather made idols, his brother went off the derech, his mother comes from a very treyfe family and he wasn’t shomer negiah with Rachel Imeinu before they were married and he spent a lot of time with his uncle who’s mammesh a rasha.

Yosef HaTzaddik – his mother had an idol once and she died early, plus he’s a slave and his brothers don’t like him, must be something in that and with all the issues with Avraham Avinu and Yitzchak and Yaakov Avinu… better not to

Moshe Rabbeinu – Oy, what a maaseh!!! his parents separated, then they got back together, his parents abandoned him, put him in a basket, he was raised by goyim… not our kind for sure. he may be close to Hashem but his background is so problematic we wouldn’t want him in our family!

Caleb’s descendants – we don’t want to marry into that family enough said

David HaMelech – Descended from a Geyoret, not our kind of people. Sure a few generations have gone by but all things being equal shouldn’t we look for someone with a more ‘jewish’ background

Shlomo HaMelech – See above, also his mother’s marriage was very dubious, he is rich though but the yichus and family background is very tricky.

This and more at Hashkafah.com!

Follow me

About the author

ck

Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

30 Comments

  • OK, really what I meant is that maybe it is wrong for the orthodox to be so discriminating. Clearly our forefathers weren’t so uptight in matters of love, so why should we be?

  • That’s the humor part. It’s funny, ironic (not funny, ha-ha) that these men, who are at the epicenter of Jewish, wouldn’t be good enough mates for a lot of Jewish parents.

    Or, in the immortal words of Karen Walker “It’s funny ’cause it’s true.”

  • I can’t believe that I have to post that I meant that I would reject him as a son in law.

    What are you thinking about, ck?

  • Muffti wants to point out: this wasn’t funny. So he still doesn’t think frum people are very funny.

  • It is probably possible to be both frum and funny. But, I have to agree with the Muffti here. This post leaves the same bad taste in my mouth as the jew-dropping that was going on a few days back. Like, haha, we’re so retarded but at least we can laugh about it. Hahahaha. But, hey maybe the sour taste in my mouth is actually all the crap coffee I’ve been drinking…

  • in regards to tiff, the point of the post wasn’t to bash jews or frum jews but as a satirical take on some people being willing to judge a person by their family and a little down to earth reminder that this wasn’t biblically so

  • as the person who posted this on h.com I’d like to point out that h.com is a bbs not a group blog and when material from there is taken, the individual who posted it should be acknowledged rather than the site

  • OK sultan knish dude. I did refer directly back to the specific post on the bbs but if you insist, I’ll let the Jewlicious world know that this was posted by one sultan knish. No offense was intended …

  • Yeah.

    The rav of my shul plays up on this when he mentions Tziporah, Moshe’s wife, who wasn’t just not Jewish but whose father was a priest.

    Great, now I’m not ever going to get a shidduch because I can’t write a sentence without sucky structure.

  • Dina, take it from me…having a command of English and mastering sentence structure doesn’t make it any easier to find a shidduch. If anything, it’s harder.

    So best of luck to ya!

  • I know that this answer won’t satisfy T_M. But it just is. Or, it feels true.

    That’s based on anecdotal Upper West Side experience, though, so who knows for sure.

  • So you’re saying the men there are more like, uh, grunting apes? 😆

    Who’s doing all the editing and writing for those venerable publications you’ve got in your end of the universe?

  • Some elements in the Yeshivish world don’t like their wimmin uppitty. Intelligence is a sign of possible uppityness. Sometimes those dudes seem like religious frat boys. Mamish gevalt!

    heee heee

  • So really, I was kidding when I said that comment. But Esther–I know what you’re talking about.

    And ck, it’s not that guys don’t go for uppitty girls and intelligence makes them uppitty…it stems from the mediocrity expected from these guys through out their years in school so that when they meet a girl who’s been taught to think critically, challenge theories thrown at them, and sometimes even run tzedaka projects, they’re thrown off. That is, way off. Because meeting “peers” who are like that challenge them and make them recognize the averageness they’ve trained themselves to settle for. Big problem with our society.

    And TM, allow me to include a disclaimer for you because I know you’ll point this out: Not every guy is this stupid and not every girl is this interesting.

    But I still think boys are stinky.

    (Grammar count:
    sentences beginning with but: 2
    sentences beginning with because: only 1
    sentences beginning with and: 2
    vague pronouns used: 7
    sentence fragments: 3
    oh God, I’m stopping here.)

Leave a Comment