No Scientologists for meUnless you’ve been holed up in a Tibetan monastery or something you probably know by now that Tom Cruise is engaged to his beard newest girlfriend Katie Holmes. What you may not know is that Cruise was out cruisin for a bride and one of his prospectives was Jewess Scarlett Johansson (Girl With The Pearl Earring, Lost In Translation).

According to Radar Magazine:

Weeks before he began wooing his brainwashed bride-to-be, Cruise made repeated phone calls to the 19-year-old starlet—who was then set to co-star with him in Mission Impossible III—imploring her to meet him at the Scientology Celebrity Center in L.A. But when the actress finally agreed, the supposedly professional get-together took an oddly spiritual turn. “[Cruise] took me into this room, which was stifling hot, and was showing me all kinds of info about joining the church,” Johansson told our source. “The whole time he didn’t even offer me a cookie!” Instead, he offered her dinner—and a glimpse into the Twilight Zone.

After two hours of proselytizing, our source says Cruise opened a door to reveal a second room full of upper-level Scientologists who had been waiting to dine with the pair, at which point the cool-headed ingenue politely excused herself. Soon after the meeting, Johansson dropped out of Mission Impossible III, reportedly due to scheduling conflicts.

Note to Cruise: When wooing a Jewess, always have a cookie nearby. That or 100-year old Grand Marnier. Sheesh.

Undeterred, Cruise reportedly tried his luck with 24-year-old Jessica Alba, 22-year-old Kate Bosworth, and 18-year-old Lindsay Lohan, before making his moves on the 26-year-old Holmes. Cryptic rumours reported by the New York Daily News, imply that Katie was won over by the promise of eternal love Cruise’s rugged manliness a 5-year, $5 million contract with a no sex clause – which shouldn’t be a problem for Cruise who is reportedly, uh, a very happy man. Very. Happy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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About the author

ck

Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

40 Comments

  • Hey, ixnay on the onay orkway ermitpay there, chief, but did you read about my Fun West Bank Experience?

    Seriously, about a job, my, ahem, associate here in Kfar Saba is looking into some kibbutzim. Matt’s departing today to Kibbutz Ketura in the lovely, cool, watery and green Arava Desert. Sucker.

  • Me was well impressed by Lost In Translation….dat bes a well important film innit’? Iss well late.

  • Is Scarlett a 100% Jew? I would never guess by looking at her…… You can answer to me in Hebrew, if you like ;-).

  • yah i can see that too. Kikes no matter Jew or Jewess would always leave their obnoxious footmarks behind. he’s a fukin nigger cultivator. now he’s after fukin Run Hubbard’s perverted sodomite.
    fuk this kikish nigger.

  • Fred shows himself to be either a low-I Q moronic child with an underdeveloped psyche, or a troglodyte with a twisted brain. Note to Fred: Keep your ignorance to yourself, idiot!

  • Speaking of insertions, let the record show that, in an interview, Scarlett informed the world that she was “raised as an atheist” (regardless of what the parental heritage may be) and when someone on her first movie (Horse Whisperer) asked her “what she was” with reference to he religion, she responded:
    “Ten years old.”
    Scarlett’s conduct, as reported above, is one of the very few times where I am glad to see secularism or materialism
    or even atheism triumph over
    the idiocies of a science fiction writer.
    It is also painful, to me anyway, to watch a young woman like Holmes do violence to her consciene by having a relationship with a man like Cruise who did violence to his consciene many years ago when he first succumbed to the scientology cr-p
    (in difference to some of you).
    Jackie Mason’s right: Hollywood (and by extension NY) is just full of morons.

  • I don’t see any problems with this. I was once a Jew but am now see the light in Scientology. Shalom all.

  • Avraham: You’re still a Jew.

    Bob: Her Dad’s not Jewish but her Mom is. That’s how. Judaism is traditionally passed on via matrilineal descent.

  • Judaism is not a race(although most of follow the religion are semitic-looking like arabs), but a religion and if you don´t follow the religon you are not a jew. I am not sure if she follows Judaism.I doubt it, if so, then she isn´t a jew.

  • Halfsoul: you are very wrong, when you are legally jewish via mom, u will be jew the entire life, even if u convert to another religion… So its nothing to do with what you are saying.

  • kikes are all the samebut the dangerstarted when zionism hijacked judaism and turned em all into piecesof mossad terrorists and shitof the earth ….greetings from nasrallah fan

  • Nice website but page is a little dated. I always wondered why Jewish people maintain German names as their surnames instead of all taking Hebrew names, especially if their mother was jewish. Could it be that Jewish women in Germany married the German goyim men to get their surnames? And what’s wrong with changing to a Hebraic surname? Netanyahu, for instance, or Cohen and Levy.
    Johansson is not Hebrew. Scarlett should change it to sound more Hebrew Jewish to show her pride in being Jewish. Kirk Douglas is a Russian Jew. . .but WTH is he doing with a name like Douglas? Ashamed of his real name? So many Jews with goyim last names doesn’t make sense unless they’re hiding the fact they’re Jews.

    • Very stupid assumption. People didn’t always have last names. The Jews were forced to get last names. As German citizens, they had to have German last names. When they migrated to the US, many changed their names to sound more American, so they wouldn’t be discriminated against and could get a job more easily.

  • Regardless of your religion,Bible talked of Jesus’s 1st coming w/100%accuracy and second appearance w/100% accuracy. ?ev.12:1 is happening sept.23, 2017. Fish, birds, animals dying by thousands, 1/3 of ocean poisoned: Fukushima dumping 300+ tons of poison daily… get off your stupid racism and look up! Jesus is coming back!

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