No Scientologists for meUnless you’ve been holed up in a Tibetan monastery or something you probably know by now that Tom Cruise is engaged to his beard newest girlfriend Katie Holmes. What you may not know is that Cruise was out cruisin for a bride and one of his prospectives was Jewess Scarlett Johansson (Girl With The Pearl Earring, Lost In Translation).

According to Radar Magazine:

Weeks before he began wooing his brainwashed bride-to-be, Cruise made repeated phone calls to the 19-year-old starlet—who was then set to co-star with him in Mission Impossible III—imploring her to meet him at the Scientology Celebrity Center in L.A. But when the actress finally agreed, the supposedly professional get-together took an oddly spiritual turn. “[Cruise] took me into this room, which was stifling hot, and was showing me all kinds of info about joining the church,” Johansson told our source. “The whole time he didn’t even offer me a cookie!” Instead, he offered her dinner—and a glimpse into the Twilight Zone.

After two hours of proselytizing, our source says Cruise opened a door to reveal a second room full of upper-level Scientologists who had been waiting to dine with the pair, at which point the cool-headed ingenue politely excused herself. Soon after the meeting, Johansson dropped out of Mission Impossible III, reportedly due to scheduling conflicts.

Note to Cruise: When wooing a Jewess, always have a cookie nearby. That or 100-year old Grand Marnier. Sheesh.

Undeterred, Cruise reportedly tried his luck with 24-year-old Jessica Alba, 22-year-old Kate Bosworth, and 18-year-old Lindsay Lohan, before making his moves on the 26-year-old Holmes. Cryptic rumours reported by the New York Daily News, imply that Katie was won over by the promise of eternal love Cruise’s rugged manliness a 5-year, $5 million contract with a no sex clause – which shouldn’t be a problem for Cruise who is reportedly, uh, a very happy man. Very. Happy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Follow me

About the author


Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

Loading comments...