Shocking report shows Palestinian leader died of broken heart because Achmed Qurei didn’t call.

Okay, okay, the real report wasn’t that interesting. In fact, the esteemed doctors of the Paris hospital in which Arafat spent his last days, soiling his blue jammies while faithful wife Suha stayed at his side hoping he would wake up and tell her how to access the hidden bank accounts, managed to clear up absolutely none of the rumors that flew around after Yassir went to the big Muqata in the sky.

The doctors concluded that Arafat was done in by a massive brain hemorrhage, which could have been induced by:

b) an infection
c) poisoning
d) Bono

The Arab media has jumped on option (c), reluctant to entertain the possibility that the beloved poster child of Palestinian Resistance, in addition to a fierce devotion to the national rights of his people blah blah blah, had a bit of a fondness for the doe-eyed, supple young boys of Palestine. Of course, no known poison was discovered in Arafat’s system, but as you and I know, being privy to the International Jewish Conspiracy and all, we Jews can make poisons that confound the best gentile doctors, and despite our small numbers, are a race of evil brainy supermen who with the snap of a finger can bring the world to its knees – or at least reading the Arab press would make one believe that. This is of course untrue. We are a race of evil brainy supermen, but so far the furthest we’ve come to destroying the world is inventing Hollywood and Barbara Streisand, and the sun continues to rise in the east regardless.

The always-entertaining, on the other hand, shied away from evil Zionist death plots and hypothesized that Yassir had picked up a little case of the acquired immuno-deficiency syndrome. No doubt from the toilet seat. Definitely not from the doe-eyed, supple young boys of Palestine.

But, in a testament to the power of coexistence, Yassir’s personal doctor Ashraf al-Kurdi claims that his patient had both AIDS and poisoning.

Arafat’s personal doctor, Ashraf al-Kurdi, who did not treat Arafat in his final weeks, said that he knows French doctors found the AIDS virus in Arafat’s blood, Ha’aretz reported. The virus given to Arafat by Israel was used to disguise poisoning, he said, according to the newspaper.

Oh, that sinister Zionist entity! Not only did they poison the Dear Leader with the invisible Zionist death poison, they gave him AIDS to cover their tracks!

Kurdi went on to accuse Israel of being behind modern country music, the ozone hole, the cancellation of Futurama and the inexplicable box office success of March of the Penguins. He then collapsed to the floor dead as a Zionist death ray from the direction of the Knesset beamed the AIDS virus into his brain. And then razed Jenin.

Meanwhile, Yassir is still dead.

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  • Michael, you’re the baddest! Kurdi neglected to mention that Israel is responsible for ubiquity and success of Jessica Simpson, Soap operas, George Bush, the governator, rising oil prices, global warming …. That’s a country in a axis of evil all of its own! George Bush, have you heard that!

  • As I previously stated, the penguins in the movie represented the Jewish people, and the whole thing was really a illustration of recent Jewish history. From the exile to the holocaust to single women trying to attack each other to mate with the lesser number of males, to successful working women and the non-committment of men for more than one season. March was totally inspirational. Arafat was played by the Seal.

  • I really hope that one day we find out (or not) that Israel did poison Arafat.

    I think it’s a travesty that we let him live so long and die naturally.

  • wonderful website, and the pic. with the girl wearing the i love hashem shirt is a friggin hot!

  • you guys are sick and obviously have no respect for human life. that’s not to say Arafat did either, he was quite the evil bastard, but you should expect better of yourselves. i used to.

  • who cares about him dead or alive… The same threat still exists, personally I’m with Josh, I would have liked to have seen him swing from the Gallows for his crimes. If ISrael is going to give him some disease they should have at least given him something with more biblical conotations.

  • Wait Ofri, are you saying that we should respect Arafat? This was a man who was responsible for the deaths of countless people, non-Jews and Jews, all over the world. This was the man who ensured the Palestinians would live in squalor, not get a state in 2000, watch as his cronies sucked up all the money that was being given by the international community, and have to remain in refugee camps while his wife danced around Paris with his daughter on a budget worthy of an heiress. This man brought harm and destruction to Jordan, Lebanon, the territories and to Israel. I don’t see why anybody should mourn this murderer and his murderous perpetual scraggly faced cheshire grin

  • Okay, Ofri, you’re right, I should really try to dredge up some respect and sympathy for Arafat and treat him with more tact. I mean, after all, wasn’t he just misunderstood? Isn’t there a kinder, gentler Yassir that we’re not meeting?

    (cue musical number)

  • Oh, please let it be Israel that took him out.
    It would restore some of the respect I have lost for Sharon.

  • read what i said. i don’t respect Arafat at all. i despise him. but i don’t rejoice in death. nice to know one can always count on knee jerk reactions instead of possibly trying to see where the other person is coming from. way to go.

  • I dunno, Ofri, it seems to me that extrapolating from this post and discussion that we are sick and have no respect for human life might be the knee-jerk reaction. But that’s just me, and you know how I’m sick and have no respect for human life.

    Good riddance of that murderer.

    Shabbat shalom.

  • I never fail to detect homophobia and intolerance from the jewlicious posters

  • I think you must be reading a different Jewlicious. As far as homophobia, I believe we’ve all come out in favor of gay rights on more than one post. Homophobia is not something you can accuse me of. Try again.

    And as far as intolerance, well, if making fun of Yassir “Murderous Arch-Terrorist” Arafat is intolerance, just call me David Duke. Because he doesn’t deserve any better.

    Maybe you’re just projecting your own intolerance, Giorno. Or maybe you’re just dumb.

  • you’re absolutely right, the middle. reading over my post, it was a knee-jerk reaction, and i regret calling you sick. in no way do i mourn the loss of Arafat, though I do wish he had been brought to justice as someone else said. however, i still object to your rhetoric. it’s not funny to me to wish someone had been poisoned or violently murdered or what have you. and it wouldn’t make me proud as an Israeli if my government had killed him. i just think it’s in poor taste, and no endless rattling off of Arafat’s crimes against us is going to change that.

  • We disagree. He deserved a violent death more than almost any person who was alive in the past couple of decades. Just as I support targeted killings of terrorists – although I don’t support doing it with missiles that are more likely to harm others around the target – he deserved what he received.

    The humor that you find so offensive seems to be directed less at his death and far more at the way in which he died. Obviously, this remains a mystery although some people know the truth and aren’t telling. The absence of an AIDS test in the report is very telling and considering that Israel is being blamed for his death, I see little wrong in poking fun at the situation.

    And I don’t think you have to worry that it was Israel. I have a sneaky suspicion that if anybody had him poisoned, it was somebody close to him who benefited or supported someone who benefited for the murderous pig’s death.

    Someone like, say, Abbas or Qurei.

  • well the consensus among Israelis seems to be that he was poisoned. and while i agree that i don’t think it was israel who poisoned him, if it had been it would be no different than the target killings of terrorists. which, to echo what you said, as long as there’s no collateral damage, i pretty much support. it seems in the end the differences lie in our respective senses of humor. alack.

  • While not necessarily a sign of one’s homophobia, attributing a possible AIDS diagnosis with one’s fondness for boys is at the very least insensitive and insulting to the gay community.

  • Bigbaldhead you’re the one who drew that connection. nobody else did. Stop trying to conjure up a storm, because it’s the facts, not the opinions, that stand for themselves.

    And btw, I saw Arafat in Vegas last weekend, playing craps with Tupac, who was singing “I Wonder if Heaven Got a Ghetto (Cuz that’s where I’d be)”

    But who cares how he died? Fact is the dude is dead.

  • Alittle off topic here, but I think I’m developing a case of homophobia. I just got off JDate and concluded the 9 out of 10 men on the site were there looking for other men. I need a gay male friend to teach me how to use my gaydar better, and maybe give me some fashion tips. Any takers? (No not you, Jewish Mother/Boteach).

  • Hannibal Lechter said it best ,to paraphrase ” a fair and just society would have put me out of my misery long ago”…. It’s really that simple. A reasonable society would terminate a threat of that magnitude long ago. plain and simple. No soceity can function for long, allowing such a destructive presense to languish, in international buracratic limbo.

  • Bigbaldhead was not the only one who drew the offensive connection that an AIDs diagnosis means a “fondness for boys.” That was my very point when i said that i never fail to detect homophobia from the posters.

  • Actually, bigbaldhead, the assertion that Yassir’s fondness for boys gave him HIV was not made originally by me, but actually (and this’ll really blow your mind) by that same gay community who you predict is so insulted. The article hypothesized that Yassir’s homosexual tendencies may have led to AIDs.

    Ahh, only on Jewlicious can someone be accused of being both too pro-gay and anti-gay. Two Jews…two people not paying attention.

  • Hey giorno, maybe you should take up a better hobby than attempting to detect homophobia from Jewlicious posters, because you suck at it. How about gardening? Have you tried gardening?

  • Look, the man was a bloody fag, get over it. The entire world’s diplomatic community has known about it for years. The Romanian secret service made audio tapes of him boning young boys who accompanied him as part of his entourage on a trip there in the ’70s and word got out. Mr A, may his name be erased, died of AIDS. A handshake deal between the PA and Israel sealed an agreement whereby Israel agreed to keep it under wraps and the PA agreed to not blame Israel. So you can believe it, or you can believe anything you want. It really doesn’t matter. Fact is, he’s dead and done with and we didn’t have to kill him. While AIDS may or may not be divine punishment from Hashem, in this particular case it just may have been — not for his deviant predatory homosexual behavior but for a lifetime of conspiracy against His people.

  • Michael,

    I am sorry. It may be that I jumped a little too quickly into the fray on this one; I should have followed the links before responding (especially having read enough of your work to know your attitudes toward the gay community). Let that be a lesson to me. That said, I’m still not fond of the implication, no matter what the original source.

    encino yeled,

    I was in no way “trying to conjure up a storm”. I believed that what I read made an implication, one that I found offensive, and I felt compelled to respond. That’s not trying to conjure up a storm that’s taking responsibility for one’s beliefs. Yes, I should have taken more time to follow the links and better understand what I was responding to…as I said above, let that be a lesson to me.

    thank you

  • I’m not so well informed as to the politically correct thing to say here, but what is wrong with saying that if one has a proclivity to have illegal sex with underage boys, that they could possibly have HIV? ANYBODY could possibly have HIV, so why step on eggshells or take offense when talking about the disease in conjuction with men that have sex with boys? What was the storm?

  • Shalom/Salam

    Since you guys have speacial links to Israel and ect….Iam from Somalia,and so and so….. I hear rumors that the new Somali government, trying to have diplomatic tie with Isreal or relationship…I have no problem with that….But, the arab states will start bullshitting about this….I mean arab states, i know somalia is in the arab league…Believe me there becoming arch enimies day by day…Due to there jealousy about our discovered oil wells in somalia region or just hatred towards our race…Do you support this idea? or just Israelis have objections against muslim countries.If your thinking somalia have special relations with arab states, actually they dont have any…They ban somalians entering arab countries….So anywayzz its too much, somalian just ignore them…If there was strong government and nation without civil war…I dont think somalia would make tie with arab states…unless its economic ties…Whatever!! Let me hear your comments!!

    Peace 🙂

  • Ahh, good, a change of subject. Welcome, somali man.

    I think the vast majority of Israelis and Jews would support diplomatic ties with Somalia and with other African nations as well. Before the Arab states began to strongarm African nations into cutting ties with Israel, Israel was very much involved in helping many African countries with economic and agricultural development, and as such was well regarded in Africa.

    Most Israelis have no objections toward Muslim countries per se…just the ones committed to their destruction. But as we’ve seen with Egypt, Jordan and now Pakistan, Israel engages with any country willing to break from the general Muslim world freeze on Israeli relations.

    And anyway, given Arabs’ ongoing treatment of black Sudanese, and their refusal to let black Somali Muslims enter their countries, as you’ve noted, clearly demonstrates that it’s about time for African nations to think about shifting alliances.

  • Somalia is not like just black Africans….There alot of races mix togather…In example my nationality is somali….But my Great-great granda immigrated from yamen due to the condition….Anywayzz his ethnicy is yemenite jew, also my mother is too…So somalian called us jews, hebrew somalis….Not alot of them there after civil war….Anywayzz not alot i can say….now, its about bringing somalia back….From destruction, my family had alot buseness in somalia…And lost it….!!

    take care mike

  • It would have been pretty hard to keep this a secret, that Yassir was into young boys that way.
    From what I recall, when we visited West bank towns circa 1970’s there were openly gay men walking hand in hand back then. It is possible this is more accepted in their society not sure.

  • i doubt it. as i understand it homosexuality is not really accepted in any Arab Israeli communities. i’ve never really known any West Bank Arabs, but i was the student of Israeli Arabs and even the progressive ones are susceptible to the enormous social pressures. Most non religious Arabs, for example, observe Ramadan in public at least, many of them out of fear.