Especially when they buy the beer.
This is difficult for me to admit, but being a member of a star blogteam like Jewlicious doesn’t come with the perks I thought it would. Oh, sure, I have a string of potential crash pads from Jersey to Jerusalem and sometimes ck buys my loyalty with wholesale American Apparel clothes , but frankly, I wasn’t expecting crash pads and clothes so much as I was expecting palatial dwellings heavy with the aroma of frankincense and tasteful oud music. And dancing girls. Copious, nubile dancing girls.
Unfortunately, in what would turn out to be a pattern, ck totally let me down. But as it turns out, sometimes the best parts of being included in the Jewlicious Entity come not from our despotic leader, but from our commentors.
Allow me to explain. If you’ll recall, I arrived in Israel about three weeks ago sans luggage, place to live, clothes and a significant chunk of my admittedly already tenuous sanity. Night had fallen, it was Shabbat, and I was walking from Mt. Scopus to Rechavia to grovel and plead for shelter from my esteemed co-blogger Laya (okay, I didn’t have to grovel and plead, she actually offered). My route took me through Meah She’arim, the Charedi neighborhood noted primarily for preserving the language and customs of the shtetl, abusing improperly-attired women who pass through, stoning the police for minor slights, and being the location of the infamous the-Middle’s-wife-spitting-incident. As I walked through hoping nobody would throw a specially-prepared non-muktzeh rock at the obvious shaygetz, I heard somebody call out “Michael!” Fairly confident that I probably didn’t have any admirers in a neighborhood where houses don’t have TV, much less Internet access to certain boobalicious Jewish blogs, I kept walking. But then my name was called out again, and I saw two figures in black suits and black hats heading towards me.
Just as I was about to claim that any non-complimentary posts about the Jerusalem Badatz in Jewlicious’ past had in fact been written by the GrandMuffti and that any
shiksas skeletons in my closet were all part of a grand misunderstanding, one of the black-suited figures stuck out his hand and said, “Michael! Hi! Ybocher.”
Yes, this apparation who had appeared out of the blackness of a Meah She’arim was none other than friend of Jewlicious and frequent commentor ybocher (and his Gibraltarian friend Nissim). ybocher is sort of the Jewish equivalent of the Last of the Mohicans, a Jew born and raised in Poland, a country, due to certain, ahem, historical unpleasantnesses, with a Jewish population roughly commensurate with that of North Dakota. Ybocher now splits his time between his native land, New York, California and Jerusalem, where he studies at Ohr Someach (but hey, nobody’s perfect). After I recovered from the surprise of being recognized on the street in a Charedi neighborhood from a blog, ybocher and Nissim escorted me along some of the rest of my way.
During the course of the next couple weeks, ybocher was gracious enough to not only convince me come out of my hiding place indoors, but buy all the drinks too. I can offer you Jewlicious readers one solid piece of advice: if you happen to find yourself, for whatever reason, drinking with a Pole, do not attempt to compete. I repeat, do not attempt to compete. Otherwise, in a matter of an hour or two, you will find yourself sobbing in a corner unable to form complete sentences, while the Pole, who has drunk twice as much as you, calmly discusses matters of international finance over a game of chess as if he has ingested nothing harder than Celestial Seasonings.
But anyway, on behalf of myself and Jewlicious, I want to thank ybocher, now back in Poland on his way to New York, for his hospitality, even if I got a hangover. And I also want to razz him on his countrymen electing a former child actor.
Then again, we elected Reagan.
So many thanks to my friend ybocher, and I hereby propose a drinking contest between him and ck upon their next meeting. Poland vs. Morocco…the eternal battle continues. I can’t wait.
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I m all reluctant to comment as i was already recently qualified as “he used to comment on Jewlicious” . But ok let me just tell you few things michael.
1) I dont give a flying shakshuka about politics – be it in the US, Poland or Marocco. All I know about politics today is from the posts in Jewlicious and most of them I skip after few lines because they are too long for a Polak like me. Besides tm’s shabbes ones – i like them they seem to be compact enough for me. Anyway we still beat your Reagan’s presidency as we have in the same time the president’s twin brother the other actor in the family being the head of the parliaments biggest party. So Michael come back to me after Arnie moves into the WH or Dana International becomes the Israel’s chief justice.
2) Michael, we ve met you on Shivtey Yisroel on the side of the street that already doesnt belong to Meah She’arim. So either me and Nissim (you can still call whenever you need) are not so charedi or technically you ve never put your feet on a charedi soil? But yes Badatz has expressed their concern your posts. Suprisingly enough Osem had no problem with your reports. Apparently the Osem CEO was heard refering to your post with following words – zeh? zeh cool!
3)When we ve met I was already ex Ohr Somayach Yerushalayim student and one of the reasons for me to got there was as I wanted to trace the footsteps of famed jsirpico. BTW, WHERE IS HE????
3) Last but not least! Miichael you have never seen me drunk! If you recall we have met after the 5 beers limit rule was imposed. I did plan to have the last one with you in the little restobar and now after ck endoresed that place via electornic means I am really sorry that i let you off the hook so easily. But I am impressed that you remember my Finanicial Markets Analisiys. But I do not play chess.
*note to all reader with the Eastern European ethnicity – it really was not drinking – it was more like a afternoon tease.
With all this said, I appretiate you apreciation. Or to say it in Polish – hey man! I had a great time too… but the next time drinks are on you.
As to the drinking contest. Because my true love and respect for ck I am not even comment that.
As mentiioned above I am native Polish speaker/writer so please no spelling nazim here.
and Laya thank you for answering all my phonecalls. i know I can too much sometimes.
Having had the pleasure of drinking many beers with ybocher, i must add my voice to the call. Do not try to out drink a Pole.
Outdrinking ybocher is like fighting with superman: you just need to know his weakness.
I hate Ronald Reagan.
Well, every nation must be good at something. I guess having a reputation of being world experts at drinking is not as bad as some of the other stereotypes associated with Poland.
“As I walked through hoping nobody would throw a specially-prepared non-muktzeh rock at the obvious shaygetz…”
Michael’s not Jewish? Since when?
I finally found a wine to die for. A Chillean wine Red, not tooo expensive. Beats the pants out of beers. I will post the name if I can remember to do so.
Shabbat Shalom y’all,
Ya, Sfardim Vs. Ashkenazim Drinking constest??? Please, in the bag.
Michael is Jewish. Michael is so damned Jewish.
I meant shaygetz by Meah She’arim standards, i.e. a non-strictly-observant-Jew.