Mobius, Michael and Krucoff make a death-defying, ear-popping journey from Masada to the West Bank to Tverya to Majdal Shams.

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Krucoff and I lay claim to the Golan Heights.

In an unprecedented extension of both the Jewlicious/Jewschool sulha and the blatant Jewlicious/Jewschool Krucoff-whoring (just kidding, we love the guy on his own merits, not just for his big, hot media connections), sinister Jewschool overlord Mobius, Gawker mascot boy Krucoff, and lil’ ol’ me rented a car and embarked on a thrilling two day educational tour of the Holy Land, ranging from Masada, the pleasantly balmy last-stand outpost of anti-Roman-imperialist Zealots during the First Jewish Revolt, to the snowy peaks of Majdal Shams in the Golan Heights, the largest Druze town in Israel and a hotbed of pro-Syrian activity, and incidentally in possession of Israel’s coolest town name (Tower of the Sun, for those of you who either don’t speak any Arabic or have trouble identifying cognates).


Krucoff and Mo preparing to overthrow the sinister forces of Western imperalism from their stronghold in the Judean Desert.

We started our journey with a tour of Masada, where we educated young Krucoff on the proud warrior history of our people, and made an endless series of increasingly unfunny jokes along the lines of, “And if you look down there, you can see the remnants of the ancient Roman Masada Sound and Light Show.” We would have stayed longer and further cemented the boy’s budding Jewish nationalism, but Krucoff got a call from his lady friend, currently on some sort of bike trip in Israel, and we trotted off to tacky Dead Sea resort town Ein Boqeq to meet the girl who inspired a Lower East Side sheygetz to travel 6000 miles from the nearest good bagel in order to further his Jewish education.

After the requisite two hours of Jewish Geography, we piled back into the car and embarked on a long drive up the Jordan Valley through the West Bank to Tverya, or for you gentiles “Tiberias.” I would highly recommend the Jordan Valley drive. It was so stunning that Mo didn’t even give us a spiel about the inherent inequity of Israeli-only roads running through theoretically Palestinian territory within rifle spitting distance of the Jordanian border and happy sunny cities like Jericho (heh, just kidding. Sort of).

After a meeting with Jewschoolite shamirpower, leading a Birthright trip docked at a Galilean kibbutz, and restful night in Tverya, we headed for a tour of the Galil and Golan, regions noted for the remarkable beauty of their landscapes when not pouring down rain and foggy, which it was. We stopped to take a brief tour of the Mount of Beatitudes, location of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, somewhat surly Brides of Christ and a rather nice gift shop, whose immaculately manicured seaside location further proved that the Catholic Church friggin’ owns all the good real estate in Israel. We continued to the Golan, an ancient volcanic plateau littered with crumbling Syrian bunkers, active minefields and somewhat bitter Druze. It also has Israel’s only cute Swiss-esque ski lodge and is notable for being really, really friggin’ cold.


Krucoff and I shiver in the Golan. Note snow-capped peaks. And would somebody please buy me shoes?

And then, as all good things must end, we started our journey homeward, which was mostly unremarkable save for driving into a bunch of sort of jittery soldiers in the West Bank which prompted Krucoff to give his mother (on the phone at the time) a heart attack by cheerfully announcing, “Mom, I have to go, we have guns pointed at us.”

And with that in mind, we at Jewlicious and Jewschool would like to bid Mr. Krucoff a fond farewell. He has returned to New York not only a man, but, one would hope, a little wiser and a little more leery of crazy people on the Internet who want to plaster his picture all over their websites. Krucoff! Come back and visit!

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michael

15 Comments

  • Wow…I’m so homesick for the Golan Heights right now that I’ll probably buy you a pair of hiking boots on my way over to Israel if you tell me your size. What? I need sleep. 🙂

  • See Michael, I do read your posts!
    Shmanyway, looks like you boychicks had a faboo time running around this crazy country. Fun stuff.

    And don’t worry Michael Lightning, I think we still have some cashews…come and get ’em while you can!

  • I hope this is the end. Enough of this guy!

    Thanks, everyone. Sorry for the lame (lack of) goodbye. I try my best to slither in and out of dodge without disturbing border guards.

  • Krucoff and Mo preparing to overthrow the sinister forces of Western imperalism from their stronghold in the Judean Desert.

    lol By electing Jon Stewart in 2008? 😉

    Oh, and Esther: you are heeee-larious. Loved the pun. But don’t let me cashew trying to make another one…

  • I’m here almost eighteen years since the day I
    was born and I hadnt seen everything…
    I can see that you know the north and the center {almost} of Israel all you have left is the south I mean Eilat the landscapes are awoseme mainly mountain Zafahot{ הר צפחות}…
    I been there last week and Im already want to go back…

  • What exactly is his clame to fame? he never says a peep, his web site it is something even I could do, if I only had a laptop, lol.

    But you have done good. U should make this a monthly event, for all those who never had, today is the day type of gig.

    Don’t forget it was my ideas….

  • Michael and his hommies sure do know how to have a good time; so unlike my girl who was in Tel Aviv for two weeks and spent all her time shopping, and “hanging out” – and then she unabashedly droned on about her non-fun time for weeks on end.
    Ps: Surely you can afford a pair of shoes, or not. I’ll send you a pair – i’ll simply atomise it and send it online :-).

  • You feature a picture of Son of Sam on your nice little web site?

    Maybe it would be better if you go back to shutting up, Kurious Kup.

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