King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah still can’t get a date.

We here at Jewlicious have liked from day one the boys and girls of the Punks of Zion, a motley assortment of collegiate New York Jews alternating their time between taking over the world and such sundry topics as racism, the potential name of the new subway line and baked goods. I’ve chilled with them, they’re cool kids.

Ruling over the Punks of Zion with an iron fist is Brownsvillegirl, an enigmatic Orthodox Jewess with a fondness for pastry and a profound lust for increasingly hoary ’70s-vintage blues-rock musician Gregg Allman.

And, in addition, someone is in love with her. In fact, not just someone. Brownsvillegirl is the object of desire for none other than the realized hope of 6000 years: the Messiah.

Yes, after 2000 years of suffering, the seed of David has burst into flower and redemption is nigh upon us. And his name? MOSHIAK. But before we can bask in the glorious light of an age of eternal peace, two major obstacles stand in our way:

1) The Messiah has not yet succeeded in wooing his future bride.
2) The Messiah is quite obviously entirely deranged.

In an attempt to bring his light unto the nations, the Messiah/”Moshiak” has established a website, a vessel for the transmission of what he optimistically titles a “Philosophy.” To wit:

You don’t choose to live unless you understand the meaning of life because it is only by way of such knowledge that you realize the importance of life. To understand the value of your life, it is necessary that you understand the meaning of your life. Well, your life is important to you. Indeed, your life is very important to you, which is why you seek knowledge of the meaning of life. The Philosophy is complete self-knowledge, so you don’t know exactly how important your life is until you know the Philosophy. Insofar as you are ignorant of the Philosophy, you undervalue your life and, therefore, you are somewhat self-destructive. That is why it is possible for people to smoke or to commit suicide: they don’t know themselves enough to value themselves enough not to make such self-destructive decisions. Though you may not be a smoker—and though you obviously haven’t committed suicide—there is no question that if you don’t know the Philosophy, you are somewhat self-destructive.

And that’s just one paragraph from the preamble. The entire Philosophy, soon to be followed by The Manifesto, can be read here. Oddly enough, for someone claiming to be the Jewish Messiah, Moshiak seems ignorant of all Jewish texts, as his Philosophy does not reference them (but does borrow a page from the book of noted cranky old Jewess Ayn Rand). And paradoxically, considering his claims that without the Philosophy one is self-destructive, it was only after reading it that I was forced to stave off an overwhelming desire to stick my head in the oven. The Philosophy is distilled as such:

I) Existence exists.
II) Existence must exist.
III) Something must exist for existence to exist.
IV) Something must be a single entity.
V) The single entity is geometry.

Maybe our resident actual philosopher Grandmuffti can parse that. Me, I’m a little disappointed. If all universal world peace entails is geometry, then the highlight of my life was second period, tenth grade and, if that’s true, I might as well just go jump off a bridge.

But when the anointed of David is not ruminating over the universal mysteries, he’s chasing the honeys. After Brownsvillegirl expressed some confusion on her blog as to why the Messiah was sending her e-mails, the Glorious Standard Bearer of the Redemption of Zion professed his feelings:

I hope I’ve inspired you to read my website. The only reason that I’ve spent so much time with you is because if there is any chance that I think you’re intelligent and beautiful, and you’d probably make a good wife and mother. I love women who cook, and who want to have children. I love it. Besides that, you are attractive and intelligent 20 year old with her own blog with all of that knowledge of Torah? I love that, too. It doesn’t matter to me that you live on the other side of the country. When it comes to meeting the person with whom you spend the rest of your life, they could be on the other side of the planet as long as they wind up sleeping in the same bed.

The Messiah is apparently of the John Hinckley school of romance.

To make an already very long story short, Brownesvillegirl spurned the Messiah’s advances, the other Punks mocked The Philosophy, and things got ugly. The Messiah left in a huff, and left an e-mail testament:

Now you really had better get rid of my postings. I have said things that really would anger gentiles. I have basically said that the Jews are better than the gentiles. That could cause mass envy and resentment. When people type “Moshiak” in the Yahoo! search engine, your website is the first to come up. This goes to show you that I am not interested in using your website to advertise my book; I am infinitely more interested in the safety of the Jews. Do you want to start another Holocaust? Then get rid of my postings. I don’t care what you write after that. You can write “99 reasons why I hate Moshiak” for all I care; just get rid of my postings. After that, you should learn the Philosophy.

Thanks a lot, Brownsvillegirl. Way to take one for the team. You made the Messiah cry, and now we’re never gonna get redeemed. When they march me into the gas chamber of Auschwitz: Redux, I’m totally going to blame you.

About the author

michael

185 Comments

  • I) Existence exists.
    II) Existence must exist.
    III) Something must exist for existence to exist.
    IV) Something must be a single entity.
    V) The single entity is geometry.

    Muffti is scratching his head. There seems to be some confusion between properties and objects that instantiate properties. Beyond that, Muffti advises quitting reading this bullshit drivel immeadiately.

  • I know Jewschool and Jewlicious aren’t supposed to be competing, but I have to say it’s interesting that just days after Jewschool went head-to-head with Messianists, Jewlicious decides to pick on…the Messiah.

    I also can’t help saying: Brownsvillegirl is beautiful. The first picture that was up (before it was replaced), was even more becoming.

  • He forgot Article VI) Soup.
    Makes me glad I didn’t respond to Moshiak’s email from a few weeks ago. Or this post could have been about me. Yes, Brownsville Girl, thank you…keep on holding out for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right for Ushering in a Messianic Era.

  • Yeah, she requested that I change it to the current one. For an amusing reason which will remain unstated.

  • First I would like to say that you can’t understand those axioms unless you read (and understand) the words around them. Second, I would like to say that Brownseville Girl is one of the shallowest Jewish girl that I have ever encountered in my life. As stated in the blog, I wouldn’t be caught dead with a girl as shallow as Dina. I’m more of a JDate kind of guy, where Jewish women of greater intelligence and wisdom can be found. Third, thanks for the publicity, because at this point that’s all that I care about. As stated in Dina’s blog, there is nothing that you can say to a mediocre mind to get them to believe that you are the Moshiach. The mediocre mind waits for society to say that my book is okay before they give it the serious attention that it deserves. Dina and her friends are mediocre, which is not to mention the people behind Jewlicious, so there is nothing that I can say to encourage you to read my book properly. You merely skimmed it, and skimming is not the same as reading … especially if you’re stupid. Oh, and Dina didn’t “pick on me,” she just made a royal ass of herself. What a girl like Dina needs is a ketchup freak or a Jewish boy who was dropped as a baby: not someone who deserves to be called “Moshiach.”

    Moshiak

  • Okay. I just realized that this whole Moshiak thing is a huge joke, because I have never seen a real, live, breathing person outside of a mental institution say anything positive about JDate.

    Kol ha-kavod.

  • Another talent of moshiaks is his matchmaking ability. He’s been stalking jewfood for barely a week and he already knows that: “What a girl like Dina needs is a ketchup freak or a Jewish boy who was dropped as a baby.” I think those talents should be put to good use. since we all know now that moshiak will never leave, I suggest we all leave a little jdate-type “all about me” and “what I’m looking for in a girl/guy” at the end of every comment and while Moshiak defends himslef against us mediocre Jews, he can create a whole matchmaking network for jews of mediocrity. for every successful shidduch we can buy one of his books or somehtign along those lines. now that’s thinking positively!

  • Okay, you’re not mediocre. You’re excellent. Excellence is upon thee. And there you go with the good old “he’s just trying to make money” argument. And here I go again with “WHAT PART OF THE PHILOSOPHY IS FOR FREE DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND”? With a mind as excellent as yours, I am sure that you can answer that question. So tell me, Miryam: what part of “the Philosophy is for free” don’t you understand?

    Moshiak

  • Moshiak, Miryam is a genius. Unfortunately for you, she’s taken. But still, I think you should listen to her–her wisdom applies to all.

    And I am, in fact, looking for a ketchup freak. 🙂

  • Ok, Muffti read some of the other words and they didn’t illuminate the 5 axoims very much. In particular, there is some massive equivocation going on: the universe is a thing (or collection of things) while existence seems to be a property so Muffti can’t see how it isn’t mere conceptual confusion to identify. So in particular, Muffti doesn’t understnad what it is to say that existence exists, other than that existence is self-instantiating. But if that is true, why is there a requirement that some other independant entity exist in order that existence exists? Furthermore, Why there should have to be locations, thought of as points, is a mystery…there are lots of pointless topologies all of which seem perfectly possible (and which there is some rather highly theoretical arguments to think might be true.)

  • i think i am regreting posting my number. First, he totally didn’t call… MEN! Second, now it is linked to yet another blog.

    if i convert, will avital marry me?

  • i am sorry to everyone. I just had a brain tumor removed and i am back to normal. Man, what the hell was i thinking. Dina, i still want to marry you though? how ’bout it? with your looks and brains and my… ummm…. ummm, Y chormosome, we can have many babies.

    btw, how did this post describe dina without mentioning her obsession with babies?!?

    insanely yours,
    moshiak

  • i am sorry to everyone. I just had a brain tumor removed and i am back to normal. Man, what the hell was i thinking. Dina, i still want to marry you though? how ’bout it? with your looks and brains and my… ummm…. ummm, Y chormosome, we can have many babies.

    btw, how did this post describe dina without mentioning her obsession with babies?!?

    insanely yours,
    moshiak

  • “Grandmuffti,” if you have questions about the Philosophy, you are supposed to email me. Didn’t you read the front page of the website.

    Miryam is a genius? God help the English language.

    Dina, I think you and ketchup freak would make a good couple. Seriously. Ketchup freak is a pretty smart guy. In fact, he was the second-smartst guy who posted on your website. (And no, the first smartest guy was not Miryam.)

    Moshiak

  • you jews,

    does anyone want to marry the moshiak? i have a lot to offer a woman! first, i have a hit website. Second, ummmmmmmmmm, i have a wang. Come and get it ladies. This free lunch only last for a limited time — although i made up a different calendar that is different from the roman and jewish one… hey, i am a busy man and need to run on moshiak time.

    moshiak

  • I’m curious. Where exactly do I rank, all knowing one, in the list of kind-of-smartish-yet-still-mediocre people who post on Dina’s blog? I need some more things to fill up some college applications and this just might help.

  • Muffti did see that on the page, but he ignored it. Actually, he thought that it was more of a suggestion than an imperative. But if you are adamant, Muffti appologizes.

  • Miryam, you are an intelligent woman. But you are not a genius. Seriously. I’m always honest, and there you have it. If you weren’t already taken, if you were my age, and if you were attractive, you would be sexy as a consequence of your intelligence.

    Muffti, I would be glad to answer your questions personally.

    Finally, I also think Dina is beautiful. She also has beautiful friends. But she’s not for me. She’s pretty smart – for a second there I thought she would read my book – but she’s not for me.

    Moshiak

  • Aside from the fact that Mir and I are the same age, Moshiak, she is stunningly attractive. That is all I have to say.

  • Wait a minute. I thought Miryam in her forties because she sounds so mature…Now only if she weren’t taken.

    As for you Dina, I’m sorry that I said that you made a royal ass of yourself. That wasn’t the best use of words. The best use of words is that you should never have criticized my book in the first place, and that you did was a mistake rivaled only by your most recent false accusations, of which you are well aware.

    Moshiak

  • Why are Jewish women so picky? They sit around and whine about how they can’t get a man, and then when one comes along, they say no! Where’s Jewish Mother when we need her?

    ;P

  • so when is the wedding? I will take care of the waitress staff. The floor will be spotless and everything will hum w/ Jobberlicious efficiency.

    Break glass?

  • I’m not picky. I just settled for the first guy who proposed because I knew that with my mature age, average intelligence, average looks and average friends not many more guys would come along. So I settled. It happens to be he’s the love of my life, but if I had known I could have had the one and only moshiak, I just may have held out a little longer.

  • Hello Grace. I am devolving my scepter to Miryam. Go Miryam. Go Grace, too.

  • Hey Moshiach with a K,

    Stop hating on Rugelach. She is awesome, enough said.

    And now, my articles:

    1) Moshiak is a fraud.
    2) Moshiak must be a fraud
    3) Something must exist for Moshiak to be a fraud
    4) Something must be a some sort of complex.
    5) That complex results from your proclivity for self-aggrandizement and pretentiousness, with a tendency to attack others who criticize your pretentious behavior, misconstrued and confusing as fuck ideas, and lashing out at me, my (blogger) friends, the Jewlicious posters and anyone else who comes in the way of your Messianic path.

  • I understand you, Miryam. However, I disagree with you on the issue of your intelligence. An intelligent woman is not of “average” intelligence. And in case there was confusion, I said you seemed to be in your forties because your comments were mature. I thought you were a grown woman, not a young adult who is the same age as Dina. I could say more about your comments, but I’ll just leave it at that.

    As for the latest comment by “Encino Yeled” aka Aaron, let it be known that the man hasn’t even read my book, and if he has he needs to read it again…this time with the intention of understanding it. The man hates me and he would love to misreprent me and my book.

  • I met a guy just like that on FRUMSTERS… only a few short months ago…. needless to say..I did not dissapoint him. He got the ULTIMATE REJECTION that he so obviously longed for..

    Better luck next time.. sucker…
    .

  • I can assure you that you didn’t meet the Messiah on Frumsters, cutsey pie. The guy that you met did not discover the meaning of life, and he did not discover the nature of ethics. Why should I need luck to find a woman? Oh yeah, that’s right. The women are confused. The women are offended by intelligence and wisdom. The women would prefer men of mediocrity over men of excellence. The women are confused, and they need to learn the Philosophy. If women were to learn the Philosophy, they would actually value excellent men, believe it or not. The guy that you met on Frumsters may have been arrogant – thinking that he is smarter and wiser than he really is – but I am not such a man. I don’t overestimate my intelligence and wisdom to inspire me in philosophy. I don’t get my philosophy from pretense. I get it from the book, which you can read at http://www.moshiak.com. You Jewish women need to learn the Philosophy just as much as the men because I’m sick and tired of being rejected for the the crime of virtue.

  • …and in case you’re reading this, I love you Doni. And marrying you really isn’t “settling”: It’s an escape route from shiduch dating.I’m sure you understand, after the incidents with fishboy and all;)

  • I understand you, Miryam. I thought as much. I hope “Doni” is a Jewish guy. And if he isn’t, then may that be another example of what is wrong with the world, and why it needs the Philosophy.

  • So this has moved blogs has it? I think the one big question everyone has been neglecting is this: The concept of Moshiach, harped on about by Chabadniks everywhere, is a dual one. Moshiach is supposed to be a person, but also an era, I have read your Philosophy beginning to end with an open mind and got nothing out of it yet. I’m sure you will say I should read it again, and I will, but it’s been settling for a few days now and nothing has happened. Anyway, it says nothing about this beautiful time that should be unfolding soon. But I guess that means we’ll just have to wait awhile…OH OH OH, I have a request. I have a big final next monday. If I promise to read your book, or better yet, record it and listen to it on a continuous loop, will you start all the fun end of the world stuff before I have the test. I’d really appreciate it.

    On another note, Miryam is marrying a fantastic and hilarious dude. I’m actually really jealous she’ll get to spend the rest of her life with him, it ought to be a lot of fun. And I agree with everyone who said she and Dina are beautiful. They give a good name to o-girls everywhere.

  • Ian, you obviously haven’t read the book from beginning to end. Your comments prove it. You totally neglected the Manifesto, and you obviously do not understand the Philosophy.

    As for Miryam, the “fantastic and hilarious guy” better be a Jew. Again, if he isn’t, then that’s another illustration of what is wrong with this world, and why it needs the Philosophy.

  • Oh Ian, don’t be jealous. Your “husband is alot of fun too. Anyone would be lucky to spend time with a guy like him. And thanks for the compliments (I’m blushing).

  • Ian, I appreciate that you ATTEMPTED to read my book, and I appreciate that you will attempt to read it again. I just want to make that clear.

  • So I think we’ve come to a conclusion (again). Miryam’s awesome, Ian and Miryam have great husbands, Moshiak still emails me even though I’m the shallowest girl he’s met, and Aaron’s cool in my books. Oh, and while blogger’s down and I can’t comment on Halfrican, I see you’ve been added to the Jewlicious blogroll Ben–nice! 🙂

  • Just so we’re clear, I didn’t read the book, I read the philosophy. I figured I should wait until the book was finished to actually read it. What about my “end of time as we know it” proposal?

    I love my spouse, but if only I were sephardi and I could have Randi AND Doni… whait, marrying Randi might have made me sephardi…. NICE!

  • Ok, so you give up on world domination for a few hundred years and some west-coast, upstart, smartaleck, know-nothing comes and takes your place like you never existed in the first place. A full manifesto but you cant even give me inspirational credit? Even the falsest of prophets know MLA formating. And you clearly were an english major because you can bullshit a massive paper without having any thesis to speak of. That takes a solid four years to master. So wheres my credit? As the pioneer of false messianism I am hurt and bothered that I cant get a single refference around here. Seriously!
    Now I know… youre still small time Moshiak, but hey, every dog has his day. Even the small yippy dogs in the backseats of parked cars. Thats actually the kind of dog i envision you as. Still a dog. Still able to bite on that rare occasion, but the bite isnt that painful and the barking is so terribly annoying. But back to the point, like that other famous false-prophet who had some sort of manifesto, maybe you should try tackling the Russian market. they seem like they could use a good philosophy right now. You could grow your hair real long and wacky and convince people youre crazy and then they could believe you because the only philosophies that have taken off in the last 300 years or so have been dictated by loony but self-confident crazies who want me to live on their Ashram. I classify you as a NEW philosophy because despite your protests, your philosphy has no reference to Judaism… or philosphy to be honest. Just geometry. The new-age Ignatius Reilly. Throw in some quotes from Boethus about fortuna and her wheels of justice and the image is complete.
    But hey, everyone knows bullshit is the new black so its sure to sell SOMEWHERE. although maybe jews were the wrong place to start. we have a nice religion already, and were rather content with it. using a derivative of a hebrew word as a title does not actually grant any particular powers and it CLEARLY dosent grant any particularly notable intelligence. Leave the major leagues to pros like me. We knew how to fool a people. man those were the days…

    Later,
    Shabtai Xvi

    P.S. Leave ketchup out of this. She transcends all religions and philosophies as the entity of pure goodness.

  • Sorry mack but your time is up. In the beginning, our relationship was fun. You claimed you were the Messiah, you had your very own Philosophy and even composed a Manifesto, you called your work a “Manifesto,” proposed to a bunch of girls…But know your arguments keep running in circles, and rather than answer a question or engage anyone in god forbid, an actual conversationyou keep doing PR for your Book/Philosophy/Manifesto/PDF of Crap.

    How old are you? Where are you from? Do your parents know you’re the Messiah? How does your Mom feel about it? And for the record, for the final time, for what it counts, I did read your Philosophy. And I think you got many things to learn from the muffti.

  • I don’t know, he has some good shtick, he is able to draw a crowd. Hey Moshiak i have some real ideas for ya, start teaching Torah and all, I’ll sing Reb Shlomo style, that kind of stuff.

  • I have been searching for the meaning of life, spending valuable time no it. I for one very much appreciate Moshiak’s finding it and putting it on a blog for me. I appreciate Jewlicious doing their part providing a free forum here for discussion and credits for this most important epitaphany. Who knows now what impact it will have on civilization, but no doubt it will huge and ‘propagate’ throughout the world.

    Thank you Mosiak for solving this most time consuming problem. Now like you, we all have more time trying to get laid.

  • To Encino Yeled, let me say it again…

    …let it be known that the man hasn’t even read my book, and if he has he needs to read it again…this time with the intention of understanding it. The man hates me and he would love to misreprent me and my book.

    Further, how many times do I have to tell people that I accept private correspondence if they have questions about the Philosophy.

    Yeah, I have a real good “shtick,” Jobber. It’s called being the Messiah. And no, I will not teach Torah. Judaism is a less complete and metaphorical understanding of the Philosophy.

    Now that I have discovered the meaning of life, we all have more time trying to get laid? You misinterpret the front page of my website, Jim R. You just read the front page…you didn’t read the book. Further, you misinterpreted it. But I appreciate that you reveal this to me, because it inspires me to change it. “Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer.”

    Moshiak

  • There. I just changed the website because of the sarcastic commments of one “Jim R.” Anybody else want to inspire me? I’m all ears. My goal is to teach the common man the meaning of life; I can’t do that without feedback.

  • um, Moshiak? Just want to make you aware of the fatc that Ian is in fact a man. A very tall and very smart man. The husband thing was in quotes because it’s a joke amongst his friends. just letting you know…

  • Okay, let’s see how many things the Muffti can teach me. Says the Muffti…

    “Ok, Muffti read some of the other words and they didn’t illuminate the 5 axoims very much. In particular, there is some massive equivocation going on: the universe is a thing (or collection of things) while existence seems to be a property so Muffti can’t see how it isn’t mere conceptual confusion to identify. So in particular, Muffti doesn’t understnad what it is to say that existence exists, other than that existence is self-instantiating. But if that is true, why is there a requirement that some other independant entity exist in order that existence exists? Furthermore, Why there should have to be locations, thought of as points, is a mystery…there are lots of pointless topologies all of which seem perfectly possible (and which there is some rather highly theoretical arguments to think might be true.)”

    Says I…

    Muffti read “some of the other words”? That doesn’t sound like he took the time to read the book properly. Indeed, I guarantee you that he didn’t. But let’s get down to the details of Muffti’s pseudo-critique.

    1. Existence is everything. That is not a property; rather it is the sum of all properties. But then I get into the property of existence. And what is that property? Something. The whole is essentially something. There is no equivocation. Something is the property. By the way, an equivocation is a derogatorily ambiguous use of language. For example, an equivocation on the word “freedom” could be an ambiguity between freedom as capitalism and freedom as anarchy. It would be derogatory because freedom should not be defined as anarchy. However, it isn’t necessarily bad for there to be ambiguity in language. In fact, there is always ambiguity in language, and it is accepted because it is what makes langauge usable. For example, there is ambiguity as to what is meant by “can.” Do you mean a can of soup, or do you refer to possibility? How the word is defined depends on the context in which the word is used. In the case of the word “existence,” it evolves throughout the text. After all, it is the purpose of the text to define the word. What is existence? We begin with the most basic definition, and we proceed to an understanding of the nature of the universe.

    2. Existence exists means that existence exists. It does not speak of the self-motivated nature of existence. In other words “existence exists” is the statement THAT existence exists; it is not the statement WHY existence exists. That is found in the second axiom – existence must exist – and in the explanation of that axiom, of course.

    3. You ask “why is there a requirement that some other independent entity exist?” You don’t understand. Existence is nothing unless it is something. “Existence” is not a word unless it refers to an entity. And why do you call it an “independent” entity? It’s just an entity. Hence, the third axiom that “something must exist for existence to exist.”

    4. There’s no such thing as a “pointless topology.” You obviously didn’t read the book carefully enough – nor reflect upon the book well enough – to gain the realization that everything is divisible into points. Whether we speak of an idea or a thing, everything is divisible into points.

    Conclusion: read the book, don’t skim the book. Read it with the intention of understanding it; not with the intention of portraying me as a fraud. The only person who loses in that game is you, for though you may succeed in getting others to think me a fraud, you fail to learn the meaning of your life, which is the ultimate goal of such games.

    http://www.moshiak.com

  • My dear Moshiak…

    I didnt mean.. better luck.. to you. I ment to him. I wouldnt insult you.. I just ment..For some reason.. he was after the ULTIMATE REJECTION.. for some (mother related) reason. You do not need LUCK to find a wife.. just DIVINE PROVIDENCE… i wish you Hatzlacha..(success)

  • Now wait just a tick! It is clearly stated that since Moshiak is to be descended from King David. As we all know, King David was short. He had to slay Goliath, who biblical scholars think was probably about 6 1/2 or 7 feet tall, and his being so small is a major part of the story. Now, granted, he was a kid at the time, but still, he was clearly small. I am 6’5″ If your many great grandfather was so small, where’d your genes come from?

  • Ian, tell your friend Myriam that I’m taller than you. And if she would like to fly out to California to verify that, I would pay for her ticket.

  • Doesn’t anyone here want a pair of 48-inch waist pants? I’m too tall for them. The pants are worn by the members of the IDF; I got them at Zahal.org; mint condition. Email me through my website and I’ll send them to you free of charge.

  • I do have intentions… Moshiak….I cant PROMISE that… they’re goode…But I will asure you.. they are not malicious.

  • And if she would like to fly out to California to verify that, I would pay for her ticket.

    Could you fly ME out to New York to visit some friends?

  • Oh Moshiak, you never mentioned that you’re tall! Are you dark haired, too? Because if you are, I’ll lovingly forgive you and take you back.

  • I’m used to psychomissionary nonsense and false messiahs…

    but a guy with worse skills at hitting on women than me?

    That’s just freaking UNBELIEVEABLE.

  • No, actually it makes perfect sense, Shmuel. As the Messiah, my values are quite different from those of the people that surround me, including the women. Thus, there is bound to be friction between us. You know a false Messiah when he’s charming. When a man can easily charm the ladies, you know that he’s full of it because how could he be morally superior? A man who is truly morally superior is hated by the people that surround him…sort of like you. I get hostility from people like you because my values clash with yours. So what am I to expect of the women? They too would be disturbed by my superior values…that is, until they learn the meaning of life. That’s why I say to the women: learn the Philosophy so that you aren’t offended by virtue.

    By the way, Shmuel. Even worse than a false Messiah is a man who claims that the real Messiah is false. What about me makes me a false Messiah? According to my definition of the word, the Messiah is the man who discovers the meaning of life and communicates that to the people. Saving the Jews is a byproduct of that because anti-Semitism is immoral, and a virtuous people wouldn’t practice it. All of the religious baggage that is associated with that word is not a part of my definition, which is the best definition. For example, according to my definition of Messiah, the Messiah needn’t be a Jew. Incidentally, I am Jewish. But if I were Aryan, and if I were to have discovered the meaning of life, then I would still be the Messiah. Having established how I define the word, for you to say that I am not Moshiach is for you to say that I have not discovered the meaning of life. But you haven’t even read my book. So who the hell are you to say that I am a fraud? What cynical and pessimistic view of human nature leads you to believe that man is so stupid that Albert Einstein has the last word in the nature of the universe. You know what? I’m smarter than Einstein, and my book proves it. In every forum that I have encountered, it has been my experience that I speak to a bunch of immature and disrespectful children, all of whom are eager to pretend that I am full of myself, none of whom have read my book. Now do you Jews want to wait until the rapidly-growing neo-Nazi movement in this country kills you, or do you want to take two minutes of your life to give the front page of my website serious consideration?

  • Wouldn’t the real mashiach have been able to get a better domain name?

    Right there, my friend, is evidence of your average-ness.

  • Ok, hes belligerant again so here comes the pain.

    Firstly, your definition of what a messiah is, has absolutely no bearing,whatsoever, on what the definition of the word is or isnt. You are entirely inconsequential when it comes to that. As am I. As is anyone that I have ever met. Regardless of your actual lack of philosophy, your saying so does not make you messiah. Additionally, im not aware of ANY definition of the messiah as being ” the man who discovers the meaning of life and communicates that to the people.” Thats pretty much your own definition but is sounds vaguely Christian in origin as well. All that is aside from the continuously broght up point that your philosophy happens to be bargain-basement, rhetorical, drivel. I wish you would stop hiding behind the defense of ” But you haven’t even read my book. So who the hell are you to say that I am a fraud?” I never finished reading that first Patterson novel that I began a few years ago because it sucked from the get-go. I dont need to go through 250 some-odd pages to THEN determine what I knew from the begining. Its crap, as is your so-called “philosophy.” The crappiness is everywhere. That is not a property; rather it is the sum of all properties of the Philosphy. But now I will get into the property of crappiness. And what is that property? lack of philosophy. Im still looking. Its not there. Your book is to philosophy what pop radio is to music. It borrows a lot of the concepts, but theres no real shining gems. I appreciate your circular-logic, but anyone with an intelligence quotient of over 75 who is bored enough to read your GroundBreakingWorkOfGenius.pdf will know, you dont make any points. Great. Something is a property. The point of life is to exist,and be productive. ive heard this before and I think it was in a chicken soup for the soul.
    The point is, if you wanna continue with this fun little game for kicks and giggles then go ahead. But if you think your convincing anyone that
    A) your the messiah
    B) your philosophy has substance
    C) your even remotely as intelligent as Einstein
    or D) you have a shot with any of these girls…

    well Id just like to stop you now out of pity. I do find it clever that you blame your lack of “game” on righteousness when we know that you dont have any of either. But hey, maybe denial is part of the Philosphy as well. i wouldnt know. I didnt read it.

  • A) I don’t propose to convince anyone that I am Moshiach before they read my book.

    B) I don’t propose to convince people that my philosophy has substance before they read my book.

    C) I don’t propose to convince people that I am remotely as intelligent as Einstein before they read my book.

    D) I don’t propose that I have a shot with women before I read my book.

    E) By your own admission, you haven’t read my book, so shut the fuck up.

  • Muffti’s beginning to like Moshiak. This he was curious, is there a typo in D:

    D) I don’t propose that I have a shot with women before I read my book

    Mosiak has to read Moshaik’s book to have a shot with women?

  • So is it the women that have to read the book in order for you to have a shot with them? Coz Muffti’s gotta tell you, you’ll be a lonely man…