youthSort of like a Republican, I may not have any actual mandate to christen my opinions as the official voice of Jewlicious, but seeing as I am to my knowledge the only sometime reggae musician on the Jewlicious blogstaff, which is a position I zealously guard, you can be assured that the following review is informed by my love and passion for music, reggae in particular, and the fact that I have never been captured on Jewlicious public record with my tongue firmly lodged in Matisyahu’s golden, pre-ripped-Shabbat-toilet paper-using ass. Which is not to say that I haven’t been a big fan of His Beardness in the past, but, on the other hand (and it pains me to say this), when I was twelve, I owned Big Willie Style.

I’m going to try to avoid commentary on Matisyahu’s recent betrayal of his friends and supporters at JDub in favor of Yet Another Soul-Sucking Money-Grubbing Hack Hollywood Jew Producer, and certainly I won’t mention that Youth has been totally fucking reamed by countless media outlets. No, this is the Official Jewlicious Review, and it’s between me, this bottle of mishloach manot Purim table wine, and Snow Matis.

So. Youth. It’s a recurring theme in reggae. Young Generation Dub. Youth of Eglington. Children Crying. Rescue Jah Children. Uptown Babies Don’t Cry. I would go on, but you get the idea. And now Matisyahu’s latest offering. How is it? Uh, well, to quote Peter Tosh, you can’t blame the youth, but it…sucks. Hard. It seems producer Bill Laswell heard some of Shake Off the Dust, said, “We can’t have that shit,” then proceeded to lock Matisyahu in a dark room and administer a heavy combination treatment of Burning Spear’s Marcus Garvey, a puddle of water and powerful electrical shocks to make sure Matis would acquire a Pavlovian fear of the sort of spiritually powerful, earthy reggae music that made him worth listening to in the first place. Three days of Clockwork Orange-esque forced watching of Olivia Newton-John videos later, Matisyahu came out a changed man. “Sure, Bill,” the new Matis said, “overproduce my songs. Bury the riddim in synth bells and whistles. Encourage my guitar player to continue to jizz all over the place with incongruous jam band shit guitar solos. Disguise my increasingly-strained-sounding voice in the kinds of vocal effects that conjure to mind twenty years of indistinguishable European house. Give me arrangements that sound less like roots reggae and more like the Backstreet Boys getting stupid drunk and trying to get roots reggae’s phone number in a club they’re not cool enough for. And then, in case anyone thinks I’m losing my edge, we’ll throw in some acoustic shit, because everyone knows that if it’s acoustic, it’s like totally authentic, like ‘Redemption Song,’ man. Then maybe I can go on tour with Dave Matthews! Sweet, dude! Pass me that spliff—oh, wait, I’m against that shit now, I forgot. I even record songs about it!”

And as if that laundry list of sins wasn’t enough, Youth contains one of those regrettable and ubiquitous celebrity excesses, the saccharine-song-devoted-to-the-singer’s-wife-or-child, in this case the unfortunately-titled “Unique is My Dove.” I mean, sure, musicians’ feelings toward their significant others are totally legitimate, and chicks totally flip their shit when their man writes a song about how great they are, complete with prose backwards that is, but that’s no reason for making us hear it. (This is not to say, of course, that I am totally against songs about wives, because Marvin Gaye’s “When Did You Stop Loving Me, When Did I Stop Loving You” is a brilliant classic for the ages, but unique is Marvin Gaye’s talent and away with things he can get.)

But seriously. Songs like “Jerusalem” pay the curtest of nods to reggae while furiously making out with the sort of bland, inoffensive, top-40 aimed production techniques that characterize uber-poppy ska’n’reggae-lite outfits like, oh, No Doubt. You know, shit, for what it’s worth, No Doubt’s “Underneath It All” was a better reggae song than anything on Youth, and I don’t even like No Doubt. It’s not like there’s anything per se wrong with bland pop with a Jamaican flair, but we know Matisyahu is capable of more. Sophomore slump or not, there’s no excuse for the lame pop beats, overdone “oy yo yo yo yo” intros, and transparent passes at the Dave Matthews Band stoner pseudo-sophisticate crowd that characterize much of Youth. Unless something major changes, I feel Matisyahu’s music fate is a done deal: he’s already proven himself more than willing to churn out pop that aims straight for the stoned heart of America’s seventeen year olds, and now that he’s been picked up by Gary Gersh, his next album is going to suffer from “Supernatural” syndrome, wherein a formerly passionate and talented artist is squeezed into the straitjacket of Top 40 songwriters, needless overproduction and obnoxious guest appearances. Just imagine the phone call: “Matis? Gary. Listen, I know you like those kids in your band, but trust me, I’ve got some crack studio guys who can wipe the floor with them, so they’re out. It’s for your own good. Anyway, come on down to the studio, we’ve got the Matrix here…you know, those guys who write songs for Avril Lavigne…and Wyclef and Gwen Stefani are both in for their guest spots. It’s gonna be the hot shit, baby.”

I only hope I’m wrong.

So what to do, now that the great white hope of Jewish music has popped out? Well, I can’t resist plugging my man Y-Love, who Mobius at Jewschool has already written plenty about. I chilled with him when he was in J-town, and was privileged to hear him freestyle and work out his track “Hebrew Child” with Shmash, another great Jerusalem MC. I have seen the future of quality Jewish music, and it wipes the floor with Youth one dense, conscious English/Yiddish/Aramaic/Arabic/Hebrew verse at a time. That’s a real Chasid. Just please man, for God’s sake, stay indie.

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  • Duh. I was one of the few who was not impressed at all since the beginning.

    Course now that Laya’s courting his presence who knows.

    If he didn’t have the shtick going w/ the Hassidic dress, he would be a 2/3 rds less popular. It gets him noticed, he is an oddity.

    His lyrics are not that good, 80% of it sucks.

    I can write good lyrics for him, turn the whole thing around, someone tell him to get in touch w/ me. I have a ltle blog going again, he can contact me over there.
    Pc,
    Jobber

  • Seriously, what happened? Matis’ live show is great, and his previous work I have enjoyed thoroughly.. But Im wondering if he was even paying attention to this last record, because I can’t imagine anyone listening to it and thinking it was a good idea. The psuedo techno hip hop beat songs make me sad, and the lack of reggae and upbeat songs confuse me, since he is after all a reggae artist. And truly, the song about his wife gives me idiot shivvers.
    I love Matis, but this was a big let down. Sad for me.
    But yes, hoorah for Y-Love, now if only he’ll record so I dont have to keep signing onto myspace to listen to his songs.

  • hmph.

    i was wondering how long it would take ’till dissing matisyahu became the new thing.

    novelty–>cool–>waycool–>favorite musician ever–>untalented sellout

    what was he supposed to do?

    just make the same dance hall reggae record with the same heeb-friendly lyrics?

    everyone would call him a one-trick pony.

    try and evolve or experiment?

    everyone would wax nostalgic about the good old days when he was “authentic” and undiscovered like them, and turn up their noses.

    how could he possibly have won on this one?

  • I’m courting his presence Jobber? News to me.

    And you know I loves ya michael, but geez you and your new homeboy mobius sure do love to be playa hatas. Which is not to say you have to like the music.

    But now what’s the point of staying indie for indies sake?

  • Come on now, his album is still good. Big ups to Matisyahu in making a decent second album. I know that this album could be better for Matisyahu is extremely talented, but don’t over exaggerate.

    And thanks for introducing me to the artist Y-love. It seems like he has a lot of potential as well.

  • This reminds me of the Radiohead vs Coldplay debate. Critics say CP is a watered down, radio targeted version of RH but even they don’t listen to RH. What is so wrong about making music that does ‘t demand uncommon commitment from the listener, as long as the message doesn’t get lost in the process. The best review i ever read!

    You were twelve??? Excuse me while i go off and have a midlife crisis! Now look what you’ve done.

  • I’m not overexaggerating. It’s a lousy record. If it was an timeless album for the ages and a testament to the power of reggae, you know, Matisyahu’s version of “Heart of the Congos,” then I would have said so. Only it’s not. It’s an unabashed pop album, and not a very good one. But hey, I’m just one reviewer who happens to love reggae and I hate to see Matisyahu go from promising to pap, but that’s what Youth seems to represent musically.

    Joy, nothing is wrong with making music that doesn’t demand uncommon commitment from the listener. But if you make an awesome debut album, begin being hailed as the brightest new voice in reggae, and then release a crap second album, well, somebody’s gotta notice. It seems I’m in good company.

    Laya, it’s not that staying indie for indie’s sake is the goal, it’s staying indie for quality music’s sake. Of course, like always there are exceptions, but any music fans knows the general paradigm is that when a rising star is picked up by a major label, they’re expected in a way to more, ahem, “universalize” their product in order to maximize their new record company’s profits. Major labels are major businesses, and artistic integrity and bottom lines don’t tend to mix. Sure, some labels allow certain artists free rein, and some artists remain awesome no matter who’s running the show, but it seems Matisyahu isn’t among that number.

    And Chazarmaveth, thanks for the gross oversimplification! Matisyahu was never my favorite musician. Even back before Youth, if I had come down between listening to Matisyahu or any the countless classic reggae albums I have, well, easy choice there. So I’m not sure your theory of a Jewish hipster backlash is well-founded, or if it is, it’s because Matisyahu made a shitty album, not because he got famous. I seem to recall just about everyone wishing Matisyahu all the fame in the world. But if you can’t continue to release a decent product, well, shit, I’m gonna call you out on it. And of course, your false distinction between “one trick pony” and “experimenting and evolving” is bullshit. Bob Marley never released a Top-40-fingering pop album. In fact, all his albums had, believe it or not, the SAME BASIC RHYTHM on EVERY SINGLE SONG. And yet, nobody calls him a one trick pony. Hmmm.

  • Where did I go? I was preoccupied for a while with trying to get my shit together here, and my Internet was down. As I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, trying to make a go at it in Israel when you’re 20, single, poor and without a limitless credit card your parents pay for is pretty hard.

  • Oh, and Jewess, Y-Love is currently working on an album with the guys who produced Shake Off the Dust. You know, those people who our esteemed Jewlicious Spiritual Leader wrote off as seventh graders with laptops.

  • michael, I hear ya boy. That’s one of the essential artists dilemmas. I remember in Film school many similar conversations about the wider audience to hear your message vs. personal integrity in making the film you want.

    Its a risk either way, but I guess sometimes people feel that the message is the higher goal, and for that goal, compromises may be made.

    We could even think of it in terms of religion –
    one could argue that reform and conservative movements have watered down some aspects of the traditional the hallmarks of Judaism, becoming more “universalized” and appealing to what the masses wanted. In doing so, they have been able to attract a wider audience, and so more people get to have a Jewish connection, but are they missing out on old school, dirty, complicated riffs of indie traditions?

    It’s the same kind of authenticity vs. wider appeal argument. no? Or am I just baiting? I can’t decide, I probably need to eat.

    In any case, I know nothing of being 20, single, poor as fuck with no help from the folks and no direction home trying to make it in Israel, but like, good luck with that dude.

  • your false distinction between “one-trick pony” and “experimenting and evolving” is bullshit.

    hmm. i’d say exactly the same thing about your conflation of Matisyahu with Bob Marley.

    ALL reggae has the same rhythm anyway, bro!!!

    chaka-dink—–dink—–dink—–dink… and repeat.

    experimentation/evolution = moving past the chaka-dinks into some other type of music. or fusing them together.

    maybe matis just can’t do it well. haven’t heard the album yet, so i can’t vouch.

    it just seems ironic to me how many negative vibes have been coming out in his direction lately, ever since he broke into the teen market.

    ah well, on to Y-Love, our next muscial savior. i hope we don’t chew him up and spit him out the same way… or wait a minute, what am i saying? of course i do!

    it’s more fun that way.

  • No arguments from me. It’s pretty much the same thing. Which is why, for all my various strayings from the derekh, you’ll never catch me calling myself a Conservative or Reform Jew. As far as Matis, it’s not that I begrudge him a wider appeal at all, I just wanted him to continue making good music, and he didn’t. At all. If Matisyahu could bring fierce spiritual reggae to everyone in the world, like Bob Marley did, that would be fucking sweet. But that’s not what’s happening. And I can only blame all the negative influences of sacrificing one’s independence in return for pop hitmakers and a bigger chunk of cash (not like he wasn’t doing quite well for himself in that department when he was still indie, though). Not everyone can maintain musical integrity in the face of loads of cash and promises of fame.

    As far as eating, well, I’ve got shakshuka cooking. For all of Israel’s shit, at least I can always make shakshuka.

  • Isn’t it bad form to be the person who comments the most on your own thread?

    If you wanted to write a review that is negative, that’s fine. But then to come to the thread and rant when anyone disagrees? C’mon. You are not the only one with a valid opinion. I tend to think “critics” don’t know shit from shinola.

    I was going to post my own discussion here of what I think of the album. Screw that though. I don’t feel like being subjected to some more self-important vitriol from Micheal.

    /bah

  • Answering people’s posts is ranting? Baby, you haven’t seen ranting. And really, responding to people’s comments is generally good form. It’s called “debate.”

    But if it’s self-important vitriol you want, well, I aims to please: fuck you, I rule, you suck. 🙂

  • that’s certainly one way to get your message across michael. Why couldn’t this rasta just go with what he knows? i personally wouldn’t give a shit if he made another Live at Stubbs…It’s reggae, every song sounds the same anyways. Stubbs is great to listen to when I’m stoned, and Youthdoes not meet that criteria, sadly. I think that’s the biggest tell-tale sign that the album is a bunch of crap-o-jah. oh, and hey everybody.

  • Michael, for Muffti’s sake, please never stop being you. Muffti should say, for accuracy sake, that the first (and thankfully one of the only) time Muffti heard Matisyahu was in Michael’s room in N’awlins. Then again, the Muff kind of hates reggae.

  • What amazes me the most is your ability to judge other people. Please correct me if I am wrong, but when did Matisyahu say he was trading in his indie for cash? I know that this stream is dying, but I can’t resist.

    Anyway it is starting to rain here, and it is shabbos in Jtown, so I should just wish you michael a very good shabbos ans be quiet about this all for the next day. Shabbat Shalom and Peace

  • Thanx a lot for the big-ups, but holla at your BOY, we hung out like WHAT in Yerushalayim ir ha’Kodesh and I get mentioned in passing… *snif* I see how it is…

    🙂 G-d willing, my CD will be coming out this summer, but something tells me it’s not going to get the publicity that “Youth” is…

  • No of course not. You don’t have the phony shtick going. also let’s face it, he is on the handsome side, that doesn’t hurt.

    Yeah that’s another thing. It seems calculated to me, this Chabbadish thing.

  • You want good jewish reggae, check out KING DJANGO’s roots and culture. He’s not as observant as matis-snow but his reggae is real! There is no dancehall style lyrics here, though he can chat with the best of em? Hes been the reigning king of NY underground reggae for years. Mattisnow has shown up at his dancehall parties only to be blown away at the mic.
    Ok django is my brother and i might be biased, but it kills me that this no talent hack gets so much press cause of all the money behind him. DJANGO could battle the tzi-tzis off matisnow any day, off the top of his head. DJANGo’s secular reggae releases has tons of dancehall. 3 singles are due for release in Jamaica this year.
    check out http://www.stubbornrecords.com for the cd, and look for another new jewish/reggae/klezmerish album coming soon.

  • Matisyahu is not trying to make Jewish reggae. Jeez. Cmon everyone, otherwise he would be singing Yaaseh Shalom to reggea beats like King Django.

  • Y-Love, Y-Love, don’t worry man. You’ll get plenty more love when the album comes out, as long as it lives up to the stuff I heard from you in Yerushalayim, and I don’t see why it shouldn’t. And next time you decide to rise up out of Babylon and trod Mount Zion way, be sure to let me know.

    Yeled: man, next time you’re in Zion, I’ll put on the Congos and we’ll burn a spliff and you will understand that as good as some of Live at Stubbs is, it don’t hold a candle to the davar amiti.

    Muffti, don’t worry, I can’t stop being me. And even if your appreciation for Tool renders your musical opinions moot, Michael still loves you.

    Duggybones: I’ll check it out.

    And Rabbi Yonah, I would respond, but I’m afraid my horrible sitra achra cooties would rub off. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go back to distracting the Jewish People from their holy spiritual mission with my drunken rantings.

  • please. matisyahu was never that great to begin with. his first album was ok. just ok. nothing too painful to listen to. everyone i know said he sucks live, or rather that his band does. i have a feeling that twelve months from now no one will be speaking his name. and michael, comparing anyone’s album to Heart of the Congos isn’t really fair. Even the Congos couldn’t live up to that standard. It’s a fluke, a musical miracle.

  • (This is not to say, of course, that I am totally against songs about wives, because Marvin Gaye’s “When Did You Stop Loving Me, When Did I Stop Loving You” is a brilliant classic for the ages, but unique is Marvin Gaye’s talent and away with things he can get.)

    I’m staying outta this Matis thing ’cause I haven’t even heard his second album (nor do I claim to possess your unique Jamaican density) but the quote above proves that all the time you spent with me was not in vain.

    BTW we scared a nice academic Minneapolis family away from our campground (Split Rock Creek) last August by playing–get this–“Legend.” Well, or maybe it’s that we followed “Legend” with “The Essential Waylon Jennings.”

  • Bob Marley didn’t release a Top forty album, but wouldn’t it have been great if he had. It seems to me that he preached to the choir. Granted, they wouldn’t have listened even if he’d preached to the masses. So in a sense it’s great that he didn’t bother courting them. But if any artist of substance has a short at reaching the masses, he should take it. The converted don’t need hand-holding anyway. It’s the message that matters! One love!

  • some people, like myself, think it’s the quality of the music that matters, joy. i can think of maybe a handful of top 40 songs in the last 40-50 years (that I know of, being only 20, but still) that had a strong, genuine “message.” Even Bob Dylan (my idol, mind you, i’m not hating) has more or less admitted that he was out for the publicity with all his “message” music. the people who are receptive to the message will get it, and not on top 40 radio. as for the other great Bob, I know not his chart status, but he managed to reach the silliest fools in my high school class, so he’s doing ok in terms of audience. whether they get the message or not is up to them.

  • OK Rabbi,so it’s not Jewish music. What is his target audience? Cuz I listened again to King w/out a crown, and it has its moments, but is not something I am going to listen to all the time. I could see it as a nice live number tho. Again, the lyrics are lacking, the music is standard.

    The issue here is what are people looking for in a song. imo, a song of this nature, has a theme. What is his themes? from what I can tell, it is to become more sort of ‘close to G-d’, more of a kiruv project. That is as far as album 1 &2.
    Now #3 you all say is totally different. So tell us the theme now.

  • Man, you guys are some serious haters! Why can’t you just be happy for the guy? It’s okay to not like his music, but you don’t need to attack his personal character or say that he “sold out.” Who are you to judge him? I think what he is doing is great. You turn on the radio today and all you here is negative stuff, and in between it all comes on a song about one guys devotion to his G-d. That’s pretty amazing. Show some love!

  • Danielle, we would love to have this love, if he were authentic and real, but sadly, this is not the case. We are also making construcitve criticisms, We are explaining why we don’t dig him, either now, or in the past.

    If for example, he believes that the late Rabbi Schneerson, ZT”L, is going to come back from the dead as Moshiach, this is a major break w/ the Jewish world. So this is important, altho I for one, need to hear it from the horses mouth, explicitly, but there does appear to be evidence that this is his belief.

    Secondly, the lyrics, are very poor in most of the songs I have heard. They are either cliched, or deliberate. Not my taste.

    The music I find not to be that original. Now as a performer, he is not bad, this is his stregnth apparently.

    So we offer ideas for him to improve that is all. I am not into the whole Jdub issue, that is not where I am at w/ Matis. It’s strictly the feeling, the theme of his songs that work or in my case that don’t do much or enough for me.

  • Danielle, anyone who makes music for a living can expect some criticism. My problem with Matisyahu is that once you get past his image and the whole schtick he’s playing, the music is just not good enough to stand on its own. And I don’t think it’s in very good taste to capitalize on your faith.

  • Ofri: “some People like me, like it’s the quality of music that matters”
    On that, we’re agreed. But quality and popularity are not mutually exclusive; it’s possible to make something more accessible without sacrificing quality – Unix based OSes have become user-friendly and retained their quality.

    “And i don’t think it’s in very good taste to capitalize on your faith”
    Capitalize! What does that mean?

  • Jobber, first of all, he can believe whatever he wants. You are not the authority on Judaism and have no right to criticize him and say that he is wrong. Second, who he believes to be the messiah is TOTALLY unrelated to his music. I thought it was supposed to be an album review, not a faith review. What is so bad about his lyrics? I rather like them. He uses Jewish themes in many of the songs, but he keeps it simple enough so someone who is Christian or Muslim can understand what he is talking about and catch his vibe. I don’t think he is capitalizing on his faith. He didn’t just become an observant Jew and then release a record. He took 2+ years off and imersed himself in yeshiva. I don’t think your criticisms are constructive. You’re not saying, “If he wrote this lyric instead of that one, this song would have been better.” You’re saying, “His lyrics suck.” That’s just criticizing. You have the right to totally hate his music, but you guys are attacking his personal faith and integrity, and that’s not cool. He’s trying to do a pretty rad thing in my book, and maybe you all would feel different if you saw him live and saw how into it he really is. It’s definately not a “schtick.”

  • (matisyahu-youth- the-official-jewlicious)

    WHAT AN IGNORANT JERK TO WRITE THIS PIECE OF CRAP! But, it’s nice how you try SO VERY HARD to make yourself seem intelligent through your “SUPER DEEP” style of writing. WHY IN THE HELL IS IT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO SUPPORT A MESSAGE WITH SUBSTANCE? When have we ever before been able to turn on our MAINSTREAM radio station and hear the words “THE LORD REIGNS WILL BE PROCLAIMED THROUGHOUT THE NATIONS.”?! Our world is dying around us. There are so many adults, teens, and children in the world, who have never had a chance to know that there is a loving God who cares for them and loves them like a father loves his son. Some of these kids have been beaten, sexually molested, mentally abused, traded for human posessions or wealth. SO MANY ARE CHILDREN AND YOUTH WHO HAVE NEVER KNOWN LOVE! They have never known that THEY MATTER, and that GOD HAS A PLAN AND A PURPOSE FOR THEIR LIFE! LETS STAND TOGETHER AND SUPPORT ANYONE WHO IS REACHING THE MASSES IN A HOPEFUL WAY!. You dont have to buy his album, or go to his shows, just dont put the flame out for others,PLEASE!OUR WORLD NEEDS GOD! And, if you dont know or understand this, just find a religious organization, or outreach with kids. You’ll soon learn that these youth have NO HOPE WITHIN THEMSELVES, let’s change that! who cares if you’re “FAR TO DEEP OR COOL” MAtisyahu’s music. Just support the change it can have on a persons life; the words of The Torah fed into their spirit without them even understanding. These words have power! Please dont sway the masses!”Fan the fire for the flame of the youth”!-
    LETS CHANGE OUR WORLD TOGETHER…WE CAN ONLY GO UP FROM HERE!

  • With people like you around, it’s no wonder the youth have no hope within themselves. I only spent a minute reading your comment and I kind of want to go cut myself.

    Wait, maybe I should phrase it in a way you’re familiar with: I DON’T CARE about the UPLIFTING MESSAGE or “WHAT HAVE YOU” of “MATISYAHU’S” LYRICS. My point of contention was with the SHITTY MUSIC. If you want UPLIFTING, break out the RAFFI RECORDS or the BOOK OF JEWEL’S POETRY and take GOD’S SPECIAL PURPOSE FOR YOU and SHOVE IT.

  • michael, michael, michael. How you doing m’boy? do you need some chateau laybecca lovin and some sweet sweet sugar cookies to ease some of that bitterness and anger outta ya darlin?

    It’s not the message, it’s the bitterness behind it.

  • Wow Michael… have fun in hell.You probably shouldnt say things about”Taking God’s special purpose and shoving it”. I wasnt trying to be aggressive or angry, just trying to say that his music cant hurt..so why bash it?. Its a shame that you’re so angry toward someone you dont even know. You should probably get a hobby, maybe a puppy. Lighten up man.

  • Michael, a request from your co-madrikhah for this summer’s Jewlicious trip…if indeed you’re planning a visit to hell, please schedule it for after the birthright trip.

    Everyone finds inspiration in different places. You can like or hate M’s music, and that doesn’t mean anyone’s going to hell. (At least, I don’t think.) What’s clear to me is that the gift I’d intended to bring Michael from the US–an autographed Matisyahu poster that reads “Michael, here’s to emunah…bimhayra biyamainu, Matis”– is not going to cut it. Dangnabit.

  • Hey, Sanctimonious Evangelical, Jesus called and he wants his fucking sunbeam back.

    And for what it’s worth, Hell probably beats Georgia.

  • Laya, leave Michael alone: his combination of sense of humour, good writing and bitterness give this blog a nice counterbalance to the otherwise ‘yay we’re jewish and so are all these other great people and Matisyahu is soooooooo cool’ flavour. Michael, let the anger and hate flow throgh you and embrace the power of the dark side.

    But leave Georgia alone; CK can testify that Savannah is a nice town, noting like hell. Muffti was even persuaded to read the torah in a metallica tshirt and ripped jeans for a rather gentile older jewish crowd.

  • The Official Jewlicious Review of the State of Georgia is that Georgia is indeed Peachy! Especially when you’re torturing old Jewish Yekkes and they smile at you while you’re doing it because they haven’t got a fucking clue what’s going on… and HUC can ordain Koala bears for all I care but if they’re going to saddle someone with the designation “Rabbi” they ought to at least teach them enough Hebrew so that they can tell when a couple of scruffy visiting Canadians are severely taking the piss out of them. I’m done ranting my fellow Yeshivah bocher – now pass me a Galouie and lets kick back to some Matisyahu. Heh…

  • Michael and Jobber should get together. Maybe they can start a club…”Negative A-holes ‘R’ Us.” I think it has a nice ring to it.

  • HEY Danielle! I’m the only one that calls Michael an “A-hole” so back off! Michael lives in a bright yellow room, have some sympathy! As for Jobber, well… it’s open season on that dude. Beware though, he might enjoy the abuse …

  • Bright yellow room, huh? Sorry ck, he opened himself up for it. He did say “take G-d’s special purpose for you and shove it.” You can’t let that slide. Even if he does have a bright yellow room.

    Can’t he re-paint it? Maybe black would make him feel more at home.

  • Well if a self-appointed representative of G_d told me that he had a special purpose for me, I’d probably tell him to shove it too. In fact I’ve done it many times – the last time was during a chat with a nice boy from Jews for Jesus in Venice Beach. So yes, not only can you let it slide but you can commend it too.

    I don’t think michael would do well in a black room though. But thanks for caring 🙂

  • Hmm, I think I would’ve told someone from Jews for Jesus to shove it too, I can’t disagree with you there. No black…maybe red with flames everywhere. That would DEFINATELY make him feel at home a la Dante’s Inferno.

  • CK, leave the Savannah rabbi alone. He was nice enough to take us around in his car showing us the sites of Savannah. But the Galooooeees thing was priceless as was running over your religious buddy’s foot (which Muffti swears was accidental but all a little funny unfortunately). And let’s never forget the free buffet at the casino, aforemention li’l buddy winning every time he doubled down on ’13’ and the Virginia mcdonalds where we almost died after you said ‘no problem, a blowjob anytime’ to Muffti’s thanking you for buying breakfast…

    But Muffti will never ever forgive you for making him drive 30 hours in the car with the red headed bitch and her retarded cat. There’s a special place in hell for friends who make friends do that.

    Memories…

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