BoratLast night I had the misfortune of going to see Sacha Baron Cohen’s new film Borat – Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. The movie opened here in Israel on Thursday and I figured it would be a great way to spend a Saturday night. I made plans with friends to see the late show at 11 and then decided to go for a bike ride after Shabbat when the sun had set.

Sadly, the bike ride did not go so well. Whoever designed the park in front of the American consulate in Jerusalem is an idiot. It was dark and as I was riding toward Agron street, I went over an unseen drop and wiped out on the pavement. See the park is not lit at night in order to facilitate muggings, drug deals and illicit relations in the bushes. My spill resulted in a bloody, gashed up leg and a severely bruised rib.

But hey, this was Borat! So I wiped up the blood, put on some bandages, and headed off to Talpiot to see the movie. I was curious to see how Israelis would respond to the Hebrew spoken by Borat and to some of the anti-Semitic humor in the film. The buzz for the movie was good, and not just amongst shana aleph Yeshiva kids or One Year Party visiting Hebrew U. students. The cab driver who drove me to the theatre asked if I was going to see Borat – when I answered “Yes,” he replied that he was really jealous and was looking forward to seeing the movie later on in the week.

When I got to the theatre, it was of course packed, as it usually is on a Saturday night. There were many Anglos in attendance but most of the people there were Israelis. Would they “get it?” I was about to find out.

The laughs started right from the begining. Borat spoke in Hebrew throughout the movie and the Israelis loved it! They laughed at the Running of the Jew when a grotesque Der Sturmmer-inspired character in a papier mache green Jew costume chases the townsfolk and lays eggs which the children attack. In fact the hysterical laughter never ended.

And that’s why I hate Borat – turns out bruised ribs and hearty laughter don’t mix well. I can’t even begin to describe the pain I was and still am in. Perhaps I ought to add my name to the list of litigants who feel they were hurt by the movie…. nah, those guys, particularly the drunken frat boys are idiots, using their stupidity as the basis for legal action. So no, I won’t be suing Borat/Cohen for not advising people with bruised ribs against seeing the movie, but I will warn others – bruised ribs and Borat inspired laughter do not mix well. The movie ended 8 hours ago and I am still suffering.

I hate you Borat.

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About the author

ck

Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

18 Comments

  • Your fortitude is an inspiration to us all. Don’t sue Borat, sue the Jerusalem Sidewalks Authority or something. If only you lived in a country that provided national health care…

    Seriously, dude. See a doctor.

  • Damn, for a moment I thought you were for real! Ah well, looks like I’m still isolated in my Borat/Ali G hatred. Oh well, it’s been 11 years, I’ll probably manage another 11 on my lonesome.

  • I hate Borat, too. His YouTube presence has caused more procrastination in my apartment than anything else I can think of.

  • Sorry to hear, ol’ buddy. Hope you are feeling well. Just glad for your sake you didn’t break a hip (or did you?) or the jokes from Muffti’s end would never ever end.

  • Oh did I mention that I hate muffti too?

    Kidding. Got my ticket… willl be in your neck of the woods soon. Hope there’ll be lots of snow cuz ya know how much I love to ski! Perhaps by then my ribs wwill have healed.

    Bitch.

  • Well, that was a little hostile. Muffti guesses the realization of your mortality and frailty must be digging at you. Hope you get over that soon and get back to being the happy go lucky mofo you always used to be. Good luck with the rib healing process.

    And give the Muffti a call. Same ol’ number.

  • I loved the movie. I have been watching Ali G for a couple years now. Sacha is such a great actor.

    If you click on the link to my website, you will see that my blog partner doesn’t feel the same way as me about Borat.

    I got to the movies late and had to sit in the 3rd row from the front. It was like sitting with my face up to the screen. Horrible viewing but still a great film.

  • I saw the movie last night, fully prepared to actually hate it because I usually HATE watching people get humilated.

    But, I must admit that I laughed through the whole thing- especially the naked fight in the hotel.

    No wonder the frat boys are suing- they were complete assholes and now the whole world knows it.

    I also got a big kick out of the hebrew- although here in galus, most others in the audience didn’t get it.

  • CK, i had a similiar biking accident myself here in MN, I was quite intoxicated while biking which although illegal in MN it still beats walking or G-D forbid driving an automobile. Point being rib injuries from bike falls suck, I was off the bike for 2 months. but it was a good story.

    I am yet to see borat but when I go i’ll make sure to go injury free.

  • SN, at the Upper West Side Motzei Shabbos screening I went to, everyone was in on the joke…it was like the whole Bangitout mailing list was there.

    OK, maybe now CK acknowledges that light is good. Dude, be careful.

  • Like Esther said, the guy is detrimental to any sort of work/school project.

    He’s just so much more interesting than writing a fourth paper on the seventh Joseph Conrad novel of the semester…

  • […] Allison took pleasure in how bad everyone’s English was. This coming from the perspective of an olah struggeling with Hebrew. My perspective came from the clip making me miss my Dad and my community of goofy Moroccan Jews back in Montreal. Suffice it to say I laughed my ass off, and that’s why I hate Israelity.com. See, I am still suffering from my recent bike spill and resulting rib injury. Laugter = pain, pain = hatred towards whoever caused it. Sorry Allison, but thems the rules. Stop making me laugh! […]

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