Steven Plaut is concerned.

Steven Plaut knows that lurking out there in the fuzzy reaches of your Chevy’s radio dial is a dark and insidious threat ready to topple the temple of enlightened Western society like a shorn Israelite.

Steven Plaut recommends that you lock up your daughters and sequester your sons to save them from the sedition-fomenting rhythms of…rock and roll.

Are you a Jew who believes that the highest priority for Jews is promoting recreational drugs [and] rock and roll music…?

Steven Plaut fears the excessive swiveling of the youth’s hips.

Steven Plaut doesn’t really trust those greasers.

Steven Plaut just fails to see what’s wrong with nice music like Perry Como.

Steven Plaut suspects that, somehow, the Negroes are involved.

Of course, Jerry Lee Louis and his great balls of eternal damnation are not the only thing on Steven Plaut’s mind – Steven Plaut is, after all, one of our generation’s greater thinkers, and the looming threat of the coloreds wanting to share drinking fountains occupies only a small part of Steven Plaut’s man-sized intellect. Steven Plaut has other crusades. Steven Plaut has proof that reefers make your daughters go from “steady” to “all the way.” Steven Plaut has seen firsthand that marijuana leads to only one ignominious end: shamelessly fornicating in the mud while Simon & Garfunkel urge open revolt in the streets. Steven Plaut heard “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” in college and bought a gun.

Steven Plaut also warns to you beware of Mobius.

[Jewschool] is the baby of one Dan Sieradski, who calls himself “Mobius”,and who describes himself as an “Orthodox Anarchist”. I guess he has not gotten around to reading what Pirkei Avot and the sages had to say about anarchy. He attends Yeshivat Simchat Shlomo, a Carlebach-tradition yeshiva. Sieradski is ferociously anti-Israel and writes glowingly of such critters as Norman Finkelstein. He uses the term “progressive” like most other people use punctuation marks. He denounces those who criticize leftist anti-Semites. He claims to be an artist and a poet… The Jerusalem Post recently cited him and his pro-hashish lobbying efforts when debating whether marijuana is in fact “kitniyot hametz ” and so prohibited on Passover for Ashkenazim. He organizes hip hop “music” events in Jerusalem.

Steven Plaut knows that jungle noise doesn’t deserve to be called music without quotation marks. Steven Plaut would give Engelbert Humperdinck head for a backstage pass. Steven Plaut makes love to his wife, who no doubt checked out long ago (you can only take so much of a man who screams “KAHANE CHAI!” as he climaxes), to the strains of “Afternoon Delight.” Steven Plaut thinks “Afternoon Delight” is a kind of cocktail.

Steven Plaut’s mama got a wooden leg, with a kickstand.

He writes for some other web sites for Jewish stoned hippies, where he celebrates anti-Israel hoodlums. On the other hand, he has called for boycotting sources of hashish associated with terror groups, preferring nicer suppliers…All of which brings us to the mystery of his web nickname “Mobius”.

I have not seen it explained but I would like to venture a hypothesis. Maybe Mobius will confirm or deny it here in a comment. I suspect that “Mobius” may be shorthand for the expression “Moses is my Pusher!”

Steven Plaut is bringing back the pun. Steven Plaut should probably stick with slander.

Steven Plaut apparently thinks our greatest prophet would move ganja. Outcry is limited, though – Steven Plaut may be right. Steven Plaut thinks burning spliffs automatically transforms one into a hippie. Steven Plaut is unaware that hippies don’t smoke blunts and listen to Liquid Swords – hippies smoke out of pipes named “Gandalf” and blithely allow Widespread Panic to continue to justify its existence. Steven Plaut believes hippies are fucking stupid. Outcry is limited, though – Steven Plaut may be right.

Steven Plaut thinks a cocaine user is qualified to be a president, but a hash smoker is unqualified to express a political opinion.

Steven Plaut is entirely undistinguished as an academic, and compensates by snapping at the heels of his colleagues.

Steven Plaut’s junk is half the size of Shulamit Aloni’s.

Steven Plaut blogs on Arutz Sheva, the journalistic offspring of a terrifying three-way between Abraham Cahan, William Randolph Hearst, and Julius Streicher. Jayson Blair was sandak.

Steven Plaut said shit about Neve Shalom that wasn’t half as bad as this, and his ass got taken to court.

Steven Plaut is worthy of your scorn.

(cross-posted from Kosher Eucharist)

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  • I’m confused. Where’s the slander?

    Mobius has publicly acknowledged using drugs – although I believe he erased that original post, discovered “the truth” of the problematic nature of using drugs which support Hizbullah during the war as if the street name of the drug wasn’t an obvious enough hint (our own ck has pointed this out in a post), has written virulently against Israel sometimes self-servingly like the time he sought to get votes for the JIBs by visiting a general (as opposed to Jewish-specific) very popular blog to mooch for votes and to gain favor wrote that Israel is an apartheid state, has written publicly about how he has converted into an anti-Zionist, uses the word “progressive” often and in a manner that suggests that being a “progressive” is better than not, threatens people physically online, and sends strangers emails calling them “maniacal prick.”

    What exactly has Plaut said about Mobius that’s worthy of scorn and such a lengthy re-post? I mean, my politics don’t jibe with Arutz Sheva, but this article says nothing that Mobius hasn’t said himself. You’re being a good friend in defending him, but just because somebody puts hip-hop in quotes, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong.

  • Steven Plaut would give Engelbert Humperdinck head for a backstage pass. Steven Plaut makes love to his wife, who no doubt checked out long ago (you can only take so much of a man who screams “KAHANE CHAI!” as he climaxes), to the strains of “Afternoon Delight.”

    And you think Steven Plaut has issues?

    Michael, you’re a shitty blogger and I honestly expect better of Jewlicious.

    David and Laya should either find someone else or just get rid of you.

    Your blogs just suck:

    Get the hell off my bandwidth!!

  • To whoever is moderating the discussion.

    Let free speech have a chance. Let Michael reply and try explain himself… maybe there’s an explanation?

  • What Esther said. Also, Plaut dips assorted vegetables and the occasional pita scalene triangle into said supermarket hummus.

  • Let me guess, this blog entry is supposed to be “edgy.” Right.

    tm: wouldn’t it be libel instead of slander since it was a written medium? Oh does the fact that the blog entry isn’t working making it fleeting and thus slander. Of course since the link is currently dead, I can’t judge in either case.

    Barbara: given Plaut’s political tendencies, wouldn’t he be dipping right triangles?

  • To whoever is moderating the discussion.


    And you think Steven Plaut has issues?

    Michael, you’re a shitty blogger and I honestly expect better of Jewlicious.

    Of course I have issues. The world is full of Adam Hymans. If you were even of moderate intelligence and forced to contend with a veritable legion of Adam Hymans, you would probably find yourself taking a long hard look at the business end of a shotgun. The mere fact that I soldier on should be taken, I think, as encouraging, a model of perseverance. Real after-school special shit. I keep myself going because I know Adam Hymans tend to wind up as third-rate real estate agents with midlife crisis Hummers and domestic assault on their records.

    As far as the shittiness of my blogging, I’ve heard no complaints about the quality of my writing or thought (quite the opposite, in fact) from anybody who doesn’t get a hard-on from The Tao of Warren Buffet – that is, anybody whose opinion I care about.

    But I’m big-hearted. Go drink a Miller Lite and listen to a Dane Cook routine, or whatever it is you people do to unwind, and I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better about your bandwidth.

  • Ha! I love that accusing someone of being a Dane Cook fan is the new mocking of ones intellectual prowess. Well done Michael.

  • tm: Plaut succeeded in one thing – giving me keen insight into the reasons for the destruction of both Temples. His post was hateful and mixed facts with innuendo and inaccuracies. And you know this is coming from a guy with Mobius related issues.

    Adam: I appreciate your concern for the continued viability of this blog, but free speech is free speech right? besides, Michael is family. I may not be as forthcoming as him sometimes, but he is part of the mix that makes this blog what it is. I’d never kick Michael off, he is irreplaceable. If you don’t like what he has to say, you’re free to not read it. Also, Michael is my room mate and he’ll be in the IDF in August. I think it’s time you took the high road and let this one slide. You don’t really want to mess with Michael, you’ll just look foolish.

    Now if you want to have a substantive conversation on the issue, you could tell me what exactly you have an issue with. What about Michael’s writing sucks or which of his ideas you find distasteful. I think Michael’s funny, but clearly, he is not for the very literal minded, or non-abstract thinkers.

  • I’ve only seen one good post by Michael.

    Other than that, what has he contributed to Jewlicious aside from personal attacks?

    I’m a Finance major, and am going into Actuarial Science. It was discussed on another thread, where I was accused selling out to the corporate world.

    So Michael, where’s your degree from and what did you study?

  • That’s ridiculous, Adam. You may not like what he has to say, but Michael is a superb writer and contributes a great deal to Jewlicious and always has. For selfish reasons I hope the IDF kicks him out of Nahal and sends him to some fun unit like the Spokesperson’s office so that he can continue to write here regularly.

    On another note, what do you care about Michael’s education? Does a person’s schooling determine the quality of that person or their ability to, say, change the world? Does actuarial science change the world?

    ck, I don’t know Mobius as well as you – and never will – but I fail to see what innuendo and inaccuracies exist in that article. What, are the “hip hop parties” actually rap parties? This article is an attack by a Right-winger on a Left-winger. Just as Michael found it easy to disparage Plaut by throwing his words back in his face, why can’t Plaut do the same to Mobius?

  • quod erat demonstrandum? We have a renaissance man in the hizouse! Adam, I met you at JTB3 and I know you’re a great guy, beloved by your peers etc. so take this in the friendly spirit that it’s being offered.

    Michael’s contributions to Jewlicious are myriad. He was on the first Jewlicious birthright israel trip, he moved to Israel, and then led a Jewlicious trip. He’s been an entertaining writer and I certainly have no issue with him. He’s even been doing his dishes lately!

    You then segue into this discussion about degrees implying that you are smart or smarter or whatever. As a finance major who plans on studying Actuarial science, you ought to know that that means a relatively well paying job in the insurance industry. You also ought to know that the people that make the really big bucks are the entrepreneurs, like Adelson and Steinhardt. Thus if you want to emulate them, which is a great thing, you may want to consider the role that creativity and non-linear thinking could play in your future career, let alone tact and diplomacy.

    If you want to convince us that you do have a point, you need to consider the right approach. Your current approach has clearly had no effect. If however, you’re just blowing off steam, well, you succeeded clearly, but then you may to ponder the cost. In business school they call that doing a cost/benefit analysis.

    Now I’m sure you’re an awesome Finance major. Hence you’d know that in the world of academia, business schools are a relatively recent innovation – the first one was only founded in 1819. The first MBA wasn’t offered until 1910 by Harvard Business School. In fact, it was Harvard’s case study method that took what was until then a simple trade and turned it into an academic discipline. The resurgence of the skills based approach found at places like Sloan, MIT’s business school, are reflective of the fact that for the most part, MBAs and business majors are glorified office clerks. I know that’s not entirely true, but in the world of academia, that’s the often perception.

    I’ve seen companies run to the ground by executives with Ivy league business degrees. It’s not a stretch to note that your area of study does not at all reflect upon your intelligence, capabilities or worth as a person, both fiscal and personal.

    Trotting out your major is, well, not so attractive. And it certainly doesn’t prove your point. I spent some time in college and I met quite a few really dumb people.

    So please contemplate these words. Also, contemplate the reason why we count sfirat ha omer, given that that’s what we’re doing…

  • Michael is a good writer, but I don’t see anything special that he brings to the site, except hate.

    And if you are going to hate, then make it on good grounds. Attack Plauts ARGUMENT. But all you did was make “yo mamma” jokes… and thats boring to read.

    I only brought up the college thing, to reply to his attack. (seriously, for him to claim I’m going to be a third rate, real estate agent… its just shows you can’t debate on merit or chooses not to).

    When I meet random people, I don’t tell them what I’m doing. I say, “I’m working and taking some classes” (which is honest) because I don’t want to flash it around.

    I’d rather have people treat me on my character… than anything else.

    Why doesn’t Michael write about Nahal? (without complaining about everything). If he wrote about his experience and his unit, that would be very interesting!!

    Michael’s style, like the Pesach post… is similar to Maddox and works great on the internet. Its fresh, funny and makes you want to keep reading.

    I just think he should be more constructive.

    Maybe he went to the Bamboola music festival and could write about that?

    Maybe something about being an Olim to Israel?

  • Oh yeah…… I’m a terrible writer if you haven’t noticed.
    And English is my first language, although it would appear otherwise.

  • TM: I’m really trying to be kind. It’s difficult.

    Adam: English is not my first language. Or my second. Other than that, I have no idea what your point is.

  • ck, you’re trying to be kind to me? is that what you mean?

  • Maybe you learned something to the contrary in actuarial school, but in general, if you want something to be debated on its merits, “you’re a shitty blogger” is not an ideal opening salvo.

  • Precisely. Internet Criticism 101:

    One way to criticize effectively is to say, “You’re a wonderful blogger but that was a shitty post.” That way it’s the post that inadvertently happens to be shitty, not the blogger.

    Can we all make nice now? We need actuaries in the world, just as we also need snide and cynical posts.

  • I agree with CK. Michael is irreplaceable. If he leaves, I leave (along with probably a legion of silent fans).
    Your writing skills are undeniable. You’re unique to this site. You’re unique to the entire web. Your talent is on a whole other level.
    Bottom line: Ignore the haters.

  • I confess to eating supermarket chummus in an emergency…everyone else starts with rehydrating dry chickpeas every time? Really? Really? What, if any is the politcally correct brand of supermarket hummus if you don’t live in Israel?

  • Back to Plaut: The scary thing is that he has readers, lots of them, in positions of power, with money, all over the world. I didn’t know about the guy until I was confronted with some of his writings from a boss who asked if he was for real. It didn’t take much time on my part to reveal to the boss what a nut job this guy was… but not every boss asks a subordinate for a second opinion. Oy!

  • Why are my legions of silent fans silent? I mean, I know my, ahem, healthy sense of self-worth shines through my writing, but that doesn’t mean I’m not open to further additions to the temple of my ego. Come back! Tell me I’m pretty!

    Anyway. (but no, really, thank you)

    Chutzpah – Hilkhot Hummus, Tractate “Et Cherum”: “And Rabbi Michael said: If homemade hummus is beyond one’s capacity, it is permissible to buy supermarket hummus of an Israeli brand (e.g., Sabra). If an Israeli brand is not available, it is incumbent upon you, as with idol worship and adultery, to choose death over Two Sheiks.”

    Myrrh – The fact that he’s a tenured professor at the U. of Haifa causes me to view that particular academic institution with ever-so-slightly-narrowed eyes. Bar freakin’ Ilan University has a more moderate, more academically distinguished staff.

  • Ilan Pappe also works at Haifa (although I believe he’s planning to move to the UK soon). That alone diminishes this academic institution.

  • What’s this buisness about sabra being a valid chummus? it’s the biggest Chillul Yisrael I know of (and that includes Der Yassin!)

    You know why Sabra betrays the good name of chummus? They use soybean oil, and assorted other toxic vegetable oils utterly anethema to all the genrations of chummu sapiens to ever walk the earth. Say what you will about the strange flavors in Abrahams or whoever: at least the oils contained within are digestible.

    the trick, with abraham’s chummus or any other relatively ok brand, is to cut it with lots of olive oil and garlic until it tastes familiar. I like warming it up over a finjan (or “stove” if that’s all you have available) for that loving illusion of freshness.

  • Rav Michael,
    Crack on Chummus is correct on this issue. Sabra really contains way too many preservatives and chemicals for my taste, and I grew on Twinkies and McDonalds. I usually buy Essensia brand, which is Acme Supermarket’s private label brand or Aethenos.
    But you are right, I see the error of my ways. Please repost the recipe using canned chickpeas and the instructions for reconstituting the dry ones yet again and I promise to print it out this time.
    However, I will not be baking Chocolate Chip Cookies from scratch, Entenmann’s is one of the top ten reasons not to make aliyah.

  • Unpaid Endorsement

    “Not only is Michael pretty, but his eye-witness reports of his experiences during Katrina and subsequent adventures making aliyah are not only compelling and of historical import, but are actually Oprah-worthy!” Chutzpah

  • Chutzpah – I will defer to my learned colleague on this issue. Perhaps Sabra hummus in Israel is formulated differently, because while it ain’t great, it’s more or less edible, and certainly much better than Aethenos.

    But as far as recipes go, it couldn’t be easier! From Hilkhot Hummus, Masechet Matkonim:

    If starting with dry chickpeas:

    – Buy a mess o’ dry chickpeas.
    – Put them in a pot or bowl, completely covered in water, and let them soak overnight. Do something, or someone, else during this period. Hummus is excellent breakfast food.
    – When the chickpeas have soaked, you should then transfer them to a pot – using the same water you soaked them in – and boil them until they’re tender. The ideal here is not a mushy chickpea, but a firm-on-the-outside, yielding-on-the-inside (insert innuendo of your choice here) chickpea which you can pop easily out of its skin by squeezing it between your thumb and forefinger, without compromising the structural integrity of the golden goodness within.
    -Drain the chickpeas and reserve the water you used to boil them. Let them cool a little bit.

    If starting with canned chickpeas (not preferable, but better than the alternative), I find it helps to boil the chickpeas in a mix of the canning liquid and some added water for about 15 minutes until they reach an optimal state.

    Anyway, no matter which chickpeas you use, you have now arrived to a moment of decision. True purists will hand-peel the chickpeas, which makes the hummus smoother – it’s time-consuming alone, but if you have an helper or two it’s not so bad. It’s not a required step, but, you know, just throwing it out there.

    Now, take your trusty plus-sized food processor and first puree one to three cloves of garlic, depending on the intimacy of your relationship with that particular flavor.

    Then you need what’s called in Hebrew tehina golmit, or raw tehina – not the deli tehina, but the raw unflavored sesame goop. Unfortunately not all tehina golmit is created equal, but that’s what you get for living in Golus. You should be able to find tehina golmit in the crusty-ass hippie section of your supermarket. Put somewhere between a few heaping tablespoons to like, a third of a cup in your food processor. It’s a matter of taste and experimentation.

    As far as spices, some put in a little cumin, but adding cumin is, shall we say, d’rabbanan.

    Now. Take one lemon and squeeze its juice into the food processor. Be very careful that you don’t lose any lemon seeds in there. One lemon seed can ruin an entire batch of hummus.

    Sprinkle some salt.

    Now, it’s not required, but at this point I like to blend up what’s in the food processor before adding the chickpeas.

    Add the chickpeas, reserving some for garnish. Add a splash of the chickpea boiling liquid and some olive oil to make sure everything blends smoothly.

    Blend the shit out of it.

    Sample. If the hummus is too thick, add some of the reserved chickpea liquid. If it needs salt, well, you know what to do. If it lacks pizazz, try some more tehina. Fool around with it. It is forgiving.

    When you’re done, smooth the hummus out on a wide plate, using the back of a spoon, and leave a depression in the center. Fill the depression with olive oil and warm chickpeas. Sprinkle a little red pepper on top if you wish. Then eat it – WITHOUT pita triangles – and congratulate yourself on having just made the best hummus in your state.

    Thanks for saying I’m pretty!

  • Thanks, I did print this and it will greatly improve the lives of my family.

    Rachel Ray, cute shiksa that she is, said to add coriander; and Gourmet magazine said to add toasted pine nuts. I was so lost and confused!

    I’m afraid of canned chickpeas, they have slime on them.

    P.S. I’m hoping to meet my soul-mate in the crusty-ass hippy aisle!

  • As for pretty, it doesn’t take much for me…I’d gladly give head to Engelbert Humperdink for a backstage pass and enjoy every minute of it. But “Oprah-worthy” now THAT’s a RAVE!

  • Nice recipe Michael. For a novice.
    The difference between ok hummus and the sublime is in the details. Allow me to assist.

    In the US, use domestic dry chick peas rather than those from Mexico. If you can’t discern the country of origin, avoid the smaller, older chick peas. Try and get them as fresh as possible from a busy place with a high turnover. Canned chick peas, if you MUST use them, need to be rinsed to get rid of the extra salt.

    Add a bit of baking soda to the chick peas when soaking them in COLD water. Add a bit to them when cooking as well. It reduces cooking time, allows the water to penetrate the chick peas easier and creates a better consistency Hummus. Using a pressure cooker will also speed up the time required to boil the chickpeas.

    How do you know when the chickpeas are ready? Cut one in half. If the inside is uniformly yellow and free of hard, white starchy bits, your chick peas are ready.

    Chill your beans before pureeing them, pureeing warm chickpeas will result in a starchy, pasty hummus. Mash the garlic before adding it in for a smoother consistency.

    Beyond that, it’s up to your individual taste. Cumin can be added in or you can sprinkle a dash on the finished product. I like my Hummus with a dash of paprika and some parsley. Play around with how much tahini, salt and lemon you use.

    As for the skins, you can individually peel each chick pea, or use a strainer to get rid of the mash. It’s your call.

    Enjoy and never eat store bought again!

  • Ck,

    That ‘”individually peel each chick pea” thing just pushed me back into the world of store bought chummus.

    Ok, I’ll fess up, it wasn’t just “in an emergency”. I’ve been eating store-bought hummus for 14 years and feeding it to my kids with pita triangles.

    I am not a monster. I am not going to be made to feel guilty about this. Single working mother’s have enough to do without having to take out pressure cookers, food processors and baking soda.

    I will have my little Prince tear his own pita from now on, but I’m am going to cut his meat for him at his wedding reception.

  • Now look what you’ve gone and done, you big Moroccan asshole! You couldn’t leave well enough alone, and now Chutzpah’s children, and Chutzpah’s children’s children, and so on and so on, will be forever deprived of the sublime taste of real hummus!

  • Oh Chutzpah is a reasonable person! The truth is that by the time you’re ready to “peel” the chickpeas, since they’ve expanded, the skins are barely hanging on and are really easy to get rid of.