OyHave you ever wanted to kill Britney Spears? How about Madonna? Yeah. Me neither. Because that would be very, very wrong. But wrong or not, apparently radical Islamic Jihadists really hated Britney’s latest performance at the MTV Video Music Awards (Cover up girl!!! Get some sleep!!!) and Madonna’s uh… everything? TMZ reports:

According to Aaron Klein’s new book, “Schmoozing with Terrorists,” the wackadoodle haters are as celebrity obsessed as any blueblooded TMZ readers! In an interviews with hater Muhammad Abdel-Al (you can’t call him “Al”), drab Abdel said, “If these two prostitutes keep doing what they will do, we of course will punish them… We can stone them and even we can kill them.” Were the VMAs broadcast on Al Jazeera?

There are some celebs they actually like; Richard Gere, Jane Fonda and Sean Penn. They even liked Rosie O’Donnell until they found out she was Lebanese a lesbian — finally, something for the Christian Right and Islamic extremists to agree on! No surprise: they love Mel Gibson … and it’s not because of the “Lethal Weapon” franchise.

Wow. Do Jews control the Internet media too? Anyhow, our Jihadist crazies spoke to Aaron Klein, a Jew, on the phone! You can hear the convo here. Or click on the photo. Funny! But so, so wrong.

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About the author

ck

Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

88 Comments

  • Poor Britney. I thought she looked hot. She’s still sucky, but people should stop calling her fat.

  • She’s not fat at all. But she’s not toned enough to wear what she was wearing. One could argue that even toned women could stand to cover up a little more than that. Which part did you think was hot, Tiff? The dead eyes? The tiny pot belly? The craptastic weave? The fear that she would trip all over herself any second? She looked like a tired, used up, strung out stripper. I mean that.

    I would feel sorry for her, except she’s the one orchestrating her own character assassination.

  • I can’t sleep more than four hours a night unless I’m down with a cold, then I can sleep six hours. Oh, BTW, I’m not a stripper, so I may look like a zombie and still get paid.

  • Oh, Ofri. What hapened to your reading comprehension skills?

    Muffti, I’ve never been able to sleep much. At age four, I taught myself how to read and often read after going to bed. I remember taking up reading a series of novels at age 6; each book was about 360 pages, each site took me about a minute, I read one book per night.

  • I’m sure I’d be insulted if I had a clue as to what you’re on about. Must be my substandard reading skills.
    You seem cranky. A good night’s sleep can do wonders for that.

  • Don’t project your own predisposition onto others. Estrogen shots might work wonders.

    Now the jester might want to play in a puddle while I’m talking to Dimufftines.

  • Oh, Ofri and Sarah, stop being rude to eachother. and sarah, that is some crazy reading speeds. Muffti sleeps about 6-7 most nights.

    most of all, don’t put down playing in puddles. We all know its fun. Loads of fun. If Muffti weren’t in such a rainless environment he might jsut run out right now and do it himself.

  • Yeah, but also tall enough to kill Muffti if he decides otherwise! Germany, eh? Muffti doesn’t get much occassion to get out that way. But maybe for octoberfest one year…

  • Sarah, here’s hoping you can help Muffti with his intimacy issues. Maybe something good can come of this site, after all. Doesn’t everyone deserve to be happy?

  • 1) What are Muffti’s intimacy issues???
    2) Muffti is pretty damned happy.
    3) Us here at Jewlicious swore we woulnd’t let any good come of this site and we are still committed to that vision!
    4) Muffti is nyc ever now and hten as well. But its unpredictable.

  • 1) Tom, what are Muffti’s intimacy issues? (Asking out of empathetic curiosity.)
    2) I read only yesterday there’s Legoland in California, so I suppose Muffti’s happy.
    3) I’ve got a reputation of being a heartbreaker. Wouldn’t want to make anybody utterly miserable.
    4) I’ll let Muffti know when I’m in NYC next, and maybe we can meet at Toys’R’us on Times Square.
    5) Giyoret, I know a nice single (yet emotionally stable) Jewish guy in Philadelphia. Interested?

  • P.S. I don’t know Muffti too well, but intelligent people like him usually are indifferent to openly advertized sexuality as to them brains, wit and a certain degree of sophistication are key attractions. Intimacy can also be achieved on non-physical levels.

  • Intelligent people..men…are “indifferent” to openly advertized sexuality?? On what planet??

    My verbal sashaying around Mufti was just in fun, O Territorial One. I will put away my virtual nekkid boobies so you can continue to charm him with your “brains, wit and sophistication” undisturbed.

    (“Mufti and Sarah sittin’ in a tree..
    K-I-S-S-I-N-G…..”)

  • Good God. This Post is about radical Islamists wanting to kill pop stars – one of whom is in Israel as we speak along with her Kabbalah buddies Ashton Kutcher and his lovely wife Demi Moore. Anyhow – how the heck did this degenerate into something totally different?

    Giyoret, please by all means leave your virtual nekkid boobies where they are! Sarah, I know muffti well and if he ever feigns indifference to openly advertised sexuality it’s only because he’s too busy playing Grand Theft Auto. He is nonetheless quite intelligent and does appreciate brains, wit and sophistication. And a couple of other things..

    But yeah – radical violent Islam sucks! And isn’t representative of the vast majority of Islam’s practitioners. Yeah!!

    Sheesh. I am going to rename the blog digress-o-licious…

  • Sorry, ck, all I wanted was to suggest to Muffti to meet at Toys’R’Us on Times Square if we both should happen to be in NYC at the same time. If you realized your Dรƒยผsseldorf-hipster dreams, we could go to the Lego store in Cologne. Just for the record, I’m not trying to hit on either of you; my bf would seriously take offence if I did.

    Now, back to the post topic, Islamism is bad just as any philosophy or religion is when taken to perverted extremes. The particularly worrysome thing about Islam is that even moderate Muslim countries do not permit Muslim theology (as a critical study of religion) to be taught at their universities; once all theology is replaced by doctrine, religion can easily become a tool in the hands of the wrong people, a tool that enables them to direct even lesser educated people anyway they please. A big aim of development aid is to support education in developing countries (a considerable number of which are predominantly Muslim). Then again, there’s a growing number of Westerners converting to Islam these days; many of them supposedly do so for the sake of marriage, and their religious adherence is only a matter of formality rather than observance; others, as two of those arrested in Germany the other day, feel drawn to radical groups. One might muse as to why; maybe they’re made feel important and useful there, maybe they are disappointed with the hardships of competing / struggling in Western societies and easily fall prey to radical preachers. The German Muslim Council asked its members to take a stand against Islamism and also to report political and possibly violent extremists to the police.

  • Easy there Ladies! Sarah, Toy’s’rus sounds like a fun time – and Muffti didn’t realize that cali had a legoland. Giyoret, Muffti loves Philly – south street rules – and fear not. People much smarter than Muffti are often pretty happy to recieve openly advertized sexuality (not that he’s saying that that’s what you are doing). Even the most brilliant red blooded hetero males like boobs after all!

    Sarah, you seem charming and witty no doubt. And intelligent. But it’s rude to call a woman, especailly one of our venerable commentators, a dog, even if its insinuated. And Muffti really isn’t that intelligent.

  • Muffti, I like dogs. And I only quoted a Chinese proverb. Whoever feels addressed by it, has interpreted it that way. If I wanted to insinuate something, I’d use Latin.

  • Pics, TM?

    Check out WhaddaCutie on..you know…j****
    (Feel free to tell your friends.. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

    South Street is lots of fun..and Old City..if you need a tour guide I am here!

    Smoochies, Mufti (and to ck too. And TM. Oh, and VJ and ramon marcos. Did I forget any hot-blooded males on here?)

  • Uh, um, whatever you said.

    If my dictionary serves, don’t you mean felis? Isn’t feles “fellatio?” So Feles Sum or felis sum is “cat I am” and your second sentence is “how do you imagine me, TM?”

  • Does GM like cats too, or only dogs?

    TM sposito est, uncque padre, uncque senescent.

  • JM, I haven’t a clue what you wrote and the dictionary didn’t help. Something about being a father and getting weak? Not to worry, JM, Muffti is the king here – I have no dog in this fight.

  • Nah, it’s feles in Latin; anyhow, Latin was pretty flexible when it came to replacing vowels for creating better phonetic imagery. The second sentence was, “What picture do you want, TM?”. The added “-e” emphasizes that I was addressing you. I could also have added “-ne” to emphasize the question as Latin would usually go without punctuation and gaps between words. Now, if I wanted to reinforce what JM had said, I’d just repeat her statement as there weren’t any “yes” / “no” answers in classical Latin. Certe est TMum pater maritus senexque esse.

  • Sorry for that; the second version contains some refined / simplified grammar so not all would be accusativum cum infinitivo and it would be easier to translate for TM.

    Anyhow, I’ve just found something on YouTube that I’d watched on TV years ago and thought you would enjoy it:
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=eJA9RPX9mRY

  • Muffti would call his latin rusty, but that would convey a false presupposition, JM. Muffti has no dog in this fight either truthfully; he wasn’t actualy aware that there was much of a fight going on at all ๐Ÿ™‚ Just some banter in everyone’s favourite dead language.

    As you can tell, North American Phd philosophy language standards ain’t what they used to be.

  • Would Muffti like to be a Superhero with a PhD?

    My earlier comment got lost in cyberspace again; just said that Latin was one of the subjects I’d graduated in and asked whether Muffti had a Supermuffti-outfit.

  • Sarah, I input your phrase from comment 47 into the Latin dictionary and that dictionary website burst out in loud guffaws as a huge yellow LOL emoticon appeared. Between guffaws the dictionary translated the phrase: “TM is an old, unsexy man who is married and by a fluke may have fathered a child.”

    Is that a nice thing to write about me?

    And I thought I had no dog in this fight.

    Hey Muffti, what languages do you speak/read/write? How many philosophers of note write in English?

  • Uhmm, TM, I suggest you stay clear of that translation site. What I said was that it’s certain that TM’s a married father and “senex” (= an elder, not necessarily seen as a senior, but a wise person).

    John Locke, for instance, wrote in English.

  • Muffti speaks and writes 2 langauges fluently (English and Hebrew – though the latter is getting pretty rusty from disuse), 1 pretty badly (French) and knows snippets here and there of some others.

    Many philosophers of note have written in English – Hobbes, Hume, Locke, Russell, Moore, Dummett, David Lewis, Saul Kripke, Jerry Fodor to name a handful. Of course, not surprisingly, they populate heavily the tail end of the 2500 year enterprise of western philosophy. Fortunately, interest in transmitting the knowledge of the ancients, medeavals and modern Germans and French philosophers has resulted in tranlsations by people Muffti trusts quite a bit.

    There is no superMuffti outfit – regretably Muffti has no super powers other than maintaining his position as poster on Jewlicious despite professed and lasting atheist. But since he posts mostly in the nude…

    And Muffti can vouch personally for TMs overwhelming sexiness.

  • Muffti kรƒยถnnte auch Deutsch lernen ๐Ÿ™‚

    I find foreign language skills to be attractive; my bf speaks eleven languages.

  • Thank you Muffti, I’m touched, even if reading about my sexiness from a naked male philosopher brings up all kinds of issues I’d rather not explore.

    Sarah, criticize that translation site all you want but where you wanted it to say “wise elder,” it translated “old fart.”

    Now on a different note, have you lived in Germany for a while? I hear the Jewish community there is growing rapidly.

  • The German Jewish community has become the fastest-growing one in the world. The Jewish community totalled at about 16,000 in 1990 and numbers have risen to about 200,000 these days. Germany has become more and more attractive to Israelis that move here for good. In addition, just as in Israel, there’s been a high number of “Jews” from the former Soviet Union immigrating to Germany. The national Jewish council of Germany (Zentralrat der Juden in Deutschland) estimates that about two-thirds of those “Jews” are neither Jewish by bloodline, faith nor observance. Students from the former Soviet Union told me that to get a passport stating your nationality was “Jewish”, you’d just have to bribe some authority official over there (commonly with either a boquet of flowers, two bottles of vodka or a large chunk of smoked ham), the advantages being accelerated naturalization and no mandatory German classes (as opposed to the “obstacles” for formerly Sovet immigrants of German background), alongside full social benefits such as health care, a free educational system etc.

    I was actually born here (in Bonn); English is not my mother tongue.

  • No, no, Muffti definitely meant lucky because of your Latin skills and good looks.

    Why did your parents choose to live or stay in Germany?

  • TM, you don’t know what I look like.

    It was thanks to the Catholic church in some parts that some stayed somewhat safely even through WW2 as priests forged documents that claimed conversions to Xtianity more than six generations back. Particularly in this very area west of the Rhine river, the Nazis never gained much support.

  • You know, I’ve read the most recent posts pretty closely, but all that really sticks out, pardon the pun, are the words “fellatio”, “Superhero costume” and “posts in the nude”.

    Makes me feel all funny, in a tingly kind of way…..

  • Giyoret, before ck picked 100% Kosher as the Jewlicious tagline, another contender for the slot was We make you all tingly.

    Sarah, when one has no imaginem with which to work, one has to, um, imagine ’em.

  • Oy. This conversation has degenerated beyond my wildest expectations. People! Madonna met with Shimon Peres! She considers herself an ambassador representing the Jews! And then we have crazy people claiming to represent Islam who want to kill her, and Britney and everyone and all we can talk about is Muffti posting naked??

    I am currently naked too by the way.

  • TM & ck, I just really and truly LOL’ed!

    ck, I am positive that you in your nakedness are divinely Jewlicious, and you deserve as much love as Mufti. Know that I am here in PA, tingling on you. For that I thank you.

  • BTW Muffti, sorry for always spelling your name wrong…. Maybe subconsciously I’m avoiding writing the “Muff” part….

    Different train, same track… ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Sarah, you can email anything to us at our main email addy at jewlicious [at] gmail [dot] com. Label it for me and ck will forward it. Please know that I won’t reciprocate – no, not because I’m embarrassed – so you don’t have to feel obligated to send anything.

    Muffti, I think YIM is another way to destroy chunks of time on the Internet…

  • TM, will do. I know about your phantom status, so it’s ok.

    Muffti, YIM is Yahoo Instant Messenger, which for me is an easy and cheap way to keep in touch with friends overseas while doing paperwork.

  • heh. Muffti’s nudity is entirely non-ambiguous. You’d know it if you saw it!

    Muffti uses AIM and MSN but he’ll be damned if he gets another account! But he’s gm[at] jewlicious [dot] com

  • Muffti, the ambiguity came in because I noticed your red kabbalah bracelet. It’s like a feather boa..it distracts from the total naked experience. (maybe that was ck with the boa? I’m confused…)

    Perhaps a photo would clear things up? *another huge grin, this time a rather wicked one*
    —–
    So who’s coming to Philly to build us a sukkah? BTW, do people ever boink in one? I totally would, if no on were around. I mean, not in Philadelphia, but….

  • Giyoret: Not only can you “boink” in a Succah but if you are married you are expected to. Everything that you do at home, you have to do in the Succah. Judaism actually obliges married people to have sex so there ya go.

  • *blown away*
    Awesome….
    There is just so much to love about Judaism, isn’t there? (contented sigh)

    Anyone needs Italian, here I am. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • hehe nice call giyoret. That’s not a kabbalah bracelet tied there, it’s a first prize ribbon…

    Boinking in a succah is only cool if its someone else’s succah.

  • Muffti ๐Ÿ™‚
    I smiled all day after I read that…
    first prize ribbon! *chuckling*
    You’re a gem.

    Thinking ahead to the succah situation, I thought I might just take the attitude “Build it and they will come.” You know, kinda like the Great Pumpkin. I build it, and wait inside, under the stars, in my most fetching harvest attire, and see what happens.

    But get this–I might not have to! A nice man in Israel IMed me on Jdate, and in the course of conversation turns out HE would like to boink me in a succah. Fancy that!

    Could I be any luckier? Maybe there really IS something to that whole “Law of Attraction” thing!

    ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Nice. Mama Muffti always told Muffti that if you want a girl to know that you are *nice*, make sure to figure out where she would like to do it and then tell her that you want to do her there.

    Out of curiousity, what is your most fetching harvest attire? When Muffti hears ‘harvest’ he thinks of overalls and boots which, while practical, aren’t paradigmatically fetching…

  • Mama Giyoret always told Giyoret that fetching harvest attire is de rigeuer if one wants to get boinked in a succah. Overalls and boots are gauche and declasse’. (Mama Giyoret always used French when speaking of fashion, adding a certain je ne sais quoi to the discourse.)
    One must think of oneself as a blank canvas in these situations, so the first step is nudity. Muffti, as we know, has actually won prizes for his natural splendor, so the idea should seem familiar. But because it is a festive occasion, it requires extra effort and some seasonal adornment.
    Flowing hair, pomegranates and leaves strategically placed so as to be alluring yet modest, and small bunches of grapes at the ears is considered the traditional attire. Thus adorned, reclining on a chaise in the succah under the moon and stars with wine jug nearby, any girl can be assured of making the right impact on passers-by.

    At least this is the way it works on your average street in Philadelphia. I believe there are international variations, but I am quite sure that no girl with any self-respect would be caught dead in overalls and boots in a succah.

    Men might get the wrong idea, you know.

  • Muffti is up again! And he’s been to Philly, Giyoret, in every season, and seen no sign of women in such attire. Then again he nver had the cojones to invade succahs. Philly can be a tough town after all.

  • Aww, it’s not that tough.

    Muffti, baby, you can invade my succah anytime…

    And bring your nakedness…. ๐Ÿ™‚

    (j/k)

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