Part 1

Outside in the ballagan there were protests and anti protests and anti anti protests. It was all very confusing.

Israeli flags and Palestinian flags faced off on opposite side of the street, and on the side of the Radio City Music Hall, grungy looking people chanted, “a shanda, a shame, no occupation in our name.” Seriously though, I don’t even use the word shanda. And the people didn’t even look Jewish. Appropriation of yiddish, eh?

Anyway, lots of people were passing out fliers, but nobody–except Shoshana the matchmaker who passed out mints–actually gave me anything useful. So really it’s all a waste of time. No free stuff? I’m out.

So, below, a sampling of fliers:

“Shlomo: The New Musical–the true story of the ‘rock star rabbi’ who escaped Hitler’s Germany to reinvent Jewish music, bridge worlds, and ignite the spirit of a generation one by one… LIMITED ENGAGEMENT.” Limited engagement. ‘Nuff said.

“No time to celebrate! Jews remember the nakba: standing in solidarity with 60+ years of Palestinian resistance to Zionism. This May, while Israel marks 60 years of statehood, Palestinians around the world mourn 60 years since the Nakba-Arabic for ‘catastrophe.'” Do they celebrate bombings at schools?

“Jewish Matchmaking. Non-observant, reform, conservative, conservadox & modern orthodox. Someone special is waiting for you! Let Shoshana help you meet that special someone with her ‘real’ matchmaking skills. ‘Our only real competition is Mom!” Thank goodness she has REAL matchmaking skills. Most matchmakers I’ve been to only have fake skillz. For those of you who need her services, www.shoshannasmatches.com. Oh and “mention this RSVP card and receive $200 off our membership fee.” Question: do you still get the same heavenly credit for shidduchim, if you charge?

“WANTED: JEWS WITH GUTS!
To train in legal self-defense & gun training
To help guard synagogues and Jewish areas from Moslem terrorists
To defend Jews…BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!
Call the militant Jewish Defense Organization today!!
Find out about our legal free karate and legal gun training.
Do you want us to help you get a gun permit? Call J.D.O. Today!”
Great. Thank goodness their free karate training is legal. I would feel a bit awkward about taking them up on their offer if it were illegal.

And finally, because I work for them because what good is a Jewish Defense Organization if we don’t have any synagogues or Jewish areas because everything’s destroyed because of global warming:
“May is bike month at Hazon!
May 11th, 18th, 25–Training rides in NYC
May 15–Happy Hour at Local 138
May 16–National Bike to Work Day
May 19–sports nutrition workshop
May 21–Info session
May 27–Çoncert for Israel’s Environment

“The New York Jewish Environmental Bike Ride
August 21-September 1
Great people
Fully supported ride
Perfect for families and solo riders
Inclusive community
REGISTER NOW
$50 off this month with discount code ‘bikemonth'”

Okay I think that May 16 should be INTERNATIONAL bike to work day. In fact, I think EVERY day should be Bike to Work Day. (And send ck some $ so he can replace his bike that was stolen…so he can bike to work–I mean, to the coffeeshop where he plays every day.)

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