Many like me that come from a mixed background have got to handle two family-get-together-and-overeat-till-you-plotz holidays these days. That wouldn’t be quite so bad (apart from the plotzing) if I didn’t have a few decidedly anti-Semitic family members. Now, since I’ve got an anti-Semitic and overall racist step-grandmother that fulfils all requirements typical of badly composed screenplays [which is by no way meant to suggest that all step-relatives are per se as if taken out of a bad film] and that is hard to go gift-shopping for in general (nothing that requires maintenance, catches dust, no jewellery as she only wears certain pieces, no electronics etc.), I had to get creative. It appeared to me that the step-grandmother never had a nice cookie platter (as little children we were not supposed to eat cookies at her place lest we caused crumbs) and that she also doesn’t bake cookies herself anymore these days. So she is getting a nice, crystal cookie platter this year with a bunch of chocolates and homemade cookies. I dare say I’ve added a little Jewlicious twist, but please see for yourself:

Merry Christmas to all our Christian readers!

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  • You gotta love those, I have few of them. Both one classic catholic (cultural but atheist catholic, special kind, not even biblical arguments work on those) antisemite, and loads of old hippie left wing “anti zionists/postzionists”. Hippies are easyer to cure, when they come to visit, I send them to take a walk through muslim quarter in the old city. Usually I have to restrain them, because they become rabid kahanists. Atheist catholics are harder to reform, since they are not antisemitic because of some ideology, but a gut feeling. On those I gave up. But, if I got such a cookie basket, from a grandma who hates crumbs, I would have taken the boot cookies, thrown them on the floor and start steping on them while singing “These boots are made for walking”.

  • Two Things.First off look on the bright side she is not going to live forever.Secondly this another reason not to marry goyim.

  • I know a pretty freakin’ nasty Jewish Grandmother and a bitch of an Orthodox Jewish Stepmother. Stupidity and heartlessness are not just for the goyim anymore.

  • David, that might qualify as a crime here, so let’s keep it clean. Literally. I was contemplating though to only dip the camel cookies’ behinds into the chocolate.

    Shaul, when we were a bit older, we were permitted to eat cookies, but she’d guard us with vacuum cleaner in hand. 🙂

    J.Miller, I told my other grandma the other day that gifts got more and more repetitive the older she got. And much to our luck, not all non-Jews are anti-Semites.

    Chutzpah, true that. 🙂

  • Of course they are not all antisemitic. Actually, most religious christians today are not, quite the opposite. But lady from the example is not religious, she is an atheist cultural catholic. When I started becoming frum, she made two comments, one was that she once visited a jewish home and it was very dirty (so?), and other was that my jewishness was out of respect for her late jewish husband, my grandfather. As if there is no other reason to be jewish… Actually, religious catholics were the most zionist people in my childhood. Jews were mostly hippies or communists.

  • Shaul, comments I’ve got included, “At least Hitler cleaned up in Germany.”

    Yep, Yael, that’s marcipan in its traditional loaf shape.

  • All this talk reminds of the grandmother scene in Peter Jackson’s ‘Braindead’

  • I was not being serious.I was trying to be funny and i guess i failed.But my grandma would be so please if i could find a new jewish girl to settle down with.How about you guys working your jewlicious magic and hooking me up with Esti Ginzburg.

  • Oy, David, I’ve never watched “Braindead”.. Summary mayhaps?

    J.Miller, irony [emotions in general] doesn’t always translate well via this medium. Now I had to google Esti Ginzburg. Give her a few years; she’s still too young to settle down. Tell grandma to be patient.

  • Yes, I think you’ve it on the appropriate gift.

    May I suggest in future gift baskets of Israeli products?

    I only have intermarried cousins – but I think I could handle an antisemitic gentile relative more than a Jew. Somehow the post-Zionism of Jews hurts more.

    As a teacher of mine said: from some parents you learn what to do, from some you learn what not to do.

    Happy Hanukah!