Maybe it’s just me, but do you also feel amused by the seemingly endless range of self-help books and online advice columns? Have you also come across a website offering “expert” advice on matters that was so banal that the advice basically was just an insult to readers’ intelligence? Have you also experienced the urge to buy “100 things to do / not to do”-guide books just to have a handy gift in stock for that unloved co-worker? Have you ever, actually, bought such a book for yourself and have ended up disappointed by its little relevance to your everyday life and in regret over having spent that kind of money?
Since CK has given me the permission to “post whatever [I] like”, I’ve decided to launch a little advice column of Jewlicious’ own, featuring topics and advice that really do matter. Since web 2.0 enables and encourages interaction with readers, comments and additions will be greatly welcome.
(Disclaimer: the advice column does in no way substitute seeing a mental health professional or getting evaluated by a psychiatrist. Whatever advice given by me or any other contributor or reader you take from these posts / threads is solely your responsibility. We cannot be held responsible if you take anything you read at face value.)
A little poll among readers of Jewlicious I’m in touch with indicated that the majority would like to see more risquÃ© topics on here since, as I was told, those used to be more common in the beginnings of this blog. That, and I’m using the opportunity of CK currently being preoccupied overseas. When the cat’s away…
I hereby proudly present Jewlicious’ first advice column:
100 22 ways not to name your penis
2.Bond. James Bond. (â€œWith the license to drill.â€)
3.Any combination of [name-definite article-noun rhyming with name], such as:
5.Martini. (â€œShaken, not stirred.â€)
7.Uri Geller (You theoretically know what happened, but you didn’t notice a thing.)
8.Mini-[insert first name]
9.[your Hebrew name] (You wouldn’t want all the ladies who have ever known you to burst into giggles at your funeral, would you?)
10.Darth Vader (“Who’s your daddy?”)
11.Cock-a-doodle-do (No good. Even in Texas. No good.)
12.Excalibur (translates as: â€œI eat ravioli from cans while playing online roleplay games, and I haven’t changed my underwear in three days.â€)
13.Penelope (Unless this is your way of telling your parents they better not hope for grandchildren.)
16.Karma Chameleon (Even if it changes colours during spiritual elevation.)
17.Moses (got liquid by beating it â€“ courteousy of Grandmuffti, who doesn’t call his penis such, but helped reviewing and contributing to the list)
18.Piggy Sue (for lawyers)
19.Washington Monument (â€œLet me be your president.â€)
21.Pharaoh (Got spanked in the Red Sea.)
22.USB-stick (plugs-n-plays with most systems)
Dramatization. No foreskins were harmed in the creating of this list.