Last week, I had an enlightening discussion with some colleagues about dating – and it was inevitable that we ended up talking about Jdate. While I do know a handful of people who married someone they met through the site, I can’t help but note that for the majority of current and past Jdaters (at least those I know), it hasn’t been so successful – but not by the fault of the site.
First of all, Jdate success seems to depend on your geographic location. In this small town, Jewish dating options are extremely limited, so it’s not such a surprise that Jdate options here are even more so. In addition, it’s hard to weed out the sketchy and skeevy ones when you’re communicating online and judging people through a few pictures and a profile they’ve surely spent hours perfecting.
Then there are those non-J-daters. They come in two varieties: those who have no qualms about telling you outright or describing themselves in their profile as non-Jews andÂ those who “will tell you later”. It makes very little sense to me why they’re on Jdate – I guess it stems back to those stereotypes. Maybe the female non-Js are looking for a nice Jewish lawyer or doctor and the male non-Js are looking for their own Monica Lewinsky? I highly doubt you’d find a Jewish person on a Catholic dating website…but maybe I’m wrong.
And when you look at the education level requirements for one’s ideal match, it’s shocking to me that any man with a bachelors or masters degree, even some with a JD, PhD or MD are OK with dating women with just a high school diploma…really? REALLY? Something about that seriously bothers me and should bother you as well.
As a final point – I joined Jdate for a short time after my last relationship. It was only to make my mother happy. Just three weeks after the breakup, she was pestering me to “get on Jdate and meet someone” already. Why do (some) Jewish moms think that by joining Jdate, their recently single or even perpetually single son or daughter will miraculously find love? Let me say that I didn’t find anything through Jdate other than some seriously awkward first dates and hundreds of profile views from creepy older men. But if any other moms have reacted to a child’s breakup in the same way, one has to wonder how many miserable sons or daughters are on Jdate just to make her stop bothering them.
I’m not anti Jdate, or any online dating site. I just think that everything and everyone warrants a second look, especially when it comes to dating.