Have you ever wondered what really makes Ashkenazi lads be different from their more southern male brethren?
After extensive research comparing both species, I’ve come to the conclusion that the difference between both is not so much what they are for and among themselves, but how they respond to the fairer sex in social, non-dating situations, such as a chat among friends.
Imagine the following scenario: your friend asks you how you are doing. Let me rephrase that, you ask your Ashkenazi friend how he’s doing. After either a dramatic sigh and / or detailled account of his of everyday misery, he’ll add, “Yourself?”. Your Moroccan friend will likely not ask how you are. Just force that kind of info onto him. Afterall, those guys grow up being reprimanded by slippers flying their way. They know it’s safer to wait rather than provoke anything.
The good thing among friends is that you need not break any ice or try to make a particularly favourable impression while crumbs of some cracker you’d just gulped down are being brought back to daylight through your nostrils thanks to a sneeze. It’s that kind of anecdote they might get to share at your funeral afterall, so better not ruin the punchline by shrieking in disgust.
Anyhow, you’re recounting life’s hardships to your friend: paperwork due, deadlines approaching fast, housework piling up, possibly some work- / relationship-related stress – nothing major, just the general blah.
How will the two different species react towards such revelations?
Ashkenazi: Will nod sympathetically, analyse your statements, wonder if they could be symptomatic of half-a-dozen physical illnesses (preferably gender-specific ones for males and / or cancer), ultimately even diagnose you with an illness the name of which is so impressive that you wonder how he could possibly memorise it. If he’s sweet, he might share what prescription medication he’s taking. And what he’s allergic to. And what his mother / girlfriend / wife doesn’t want him to eat because she thinks it’s bad for him. And that he’s had too much caffeine for the week already.
Moroccan: “Grow some balls.”