As Jews we pray for peace three times a day, and we know the pursuit of peace is one of Judaism’s highest values. But how often do we lay people really get to do something for peace?
Well, tomorrow is your chance.
It’s Global Orgasm Day.
Scientists at Princeton who run Random Event Generators (REGs) around the world will be measuring what changes the energy from a mass synchronized orgasm, in which all participants focus on the concept of peace, will have on the world. If some men are struggling, it might be useful for them to make use of VigRX Plus (list of ingredients) so they can better participate in the mass synchronized orgasm.
From the website:
The results show that human consciousness can be measured to have a global effect on matter and energy during widely-watched events such as 9/11 and the Indian Ocean tsunami. There have also been measurable results during mass meditations and prayers.
The Zero Point Field or Quantum Field surrounds and is part of everything in the universe. It can be affected by human consciousness, as can be seen when simple observation of a subatomic particle changes the particle’s state.
We hope that a huge influx of physical, mental and spiritual energy with conscious peaceful intent will not only show up on Princeton’s REGs, but will have profound positive effects that will change the violent state of the human world.
See this demo of the science behind it, and feel free to grab yourself a “we came in peace” T shirt from the site.
Conveniently enough, this science experiment for peace corresponds with shabbos – which might just make it triple mitzvah night. So put the kids to sleep a little early, grab your Eishet Chayal and do it for peace.
- Shabbat in the Uttermost West - 2/25/2007
- The chosen books of the chosen people - 2/18/2007
- Why Not Al? - 2/15/2007
No headaches allowed for 14 days of the month, if the wife is abucted by aliens the other 14, I don’t think most Ortho. husbands would notice other than the laundry piling up and the kids not being fed.
Chutzpah, neither Mrs. Marcos nor I are Orthodox. When she said she had a headache all that day I had no choice but to believe her.
Ramon,
Talk about pressure to perform on demand…in Orthodox sexuality, the woman must go to the mikveh on the specified day and must have sex with her husband, even if he scolded or abused her that day. And this is after he virtually ignored her and didn’t so much as kiss her for two weeks (although he’s supposed to be her best friend during that time, he’s usually off “learning” or something rather than actually talking to her.) She’s got to scrub and inspect herself like she was the filthiest woman on earth.
Then he thinks she’s supposed to “chase him around the dining room table” (to quote my ex) every night for the next 14 nights. I was usually so sore after mikveh night I didn’t want to do it again …ever. Try explaining the concept of FOREPLAY to a man who hasn’t touched himself or a woman for two weeks.
The whole “make sex holy”, “elevate sex, make it a mitzvah and do it differently from the animals” sounded beautiful and very profound in theory. However, in reality, for me, I like it spontaneous, down & dirty, anytime, anyplace and like an animal.
I shoulda ran when my kallah teacher told me not to do it in the bathroom. I said “what about the shower?” She said “Oh my, who does it in the shower!?!”
Answer: millions of people…with fully submergable toys!
Happy Chanukah everyone! Just a few random thoughts:
Speaking fully and mostly as a man of leisure, (geez, I’m betting there’s few here who can claim that), I know now that I’m being shortchanged.
Chutzpah and others might be interested in knowing that Adam & Eve annually contribute millions of condoms to combat disease worldwide. So they’re good folks besides being decent about customer service. A note to the wise, most electrical devices can not be fully submerged. Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
Bravo david smith. It is safe to say that extra judicial assasinations, especially the kind celebrated above, violate both the spirit and the letter of Jewish law. Anyone who praises or encourages or excuses such behaviour is doing so in violation of Jewish laws and ethics. This of course does not apply to a rodef, but innocent civilians, little girls taking a bus to school and other commuters hardly constitute rodfim.
Re: ck’s comment,
That’s all fine and good as long as one doesn’t grossly over generalize – ie “That murderous nutbar identified with Orthodox Judaism hence all Orthodox Jews are murderous nutbars.â€
I agree completely, and believe that the validity of such objections depends entirely on avoiding said generalizations. There was time when I think I may have been too casual about doing so, but that is no longer the case. Yes, whackos of this particular sort are, indeed, Orthodox. And the matter is clouded by the fact that such fanatics invariably claim that their judgments are inherent to Judaism itself. Nothing could be further from the truth. Specifically, it is clear not only that there are many Orthodox Jews who categorically reject such views, but, as importantly, that such fanaticism is an expression of political ideology, not religious doctrine.
Lance: I’m sorry that you’re so grossly uninformed. The Talmud has no qualms discussing marital obligations at length. Furthermore, as Chutzpah alluded to, they go on to specify the mandatory frequency of fulfillment of this obligation as it varies by a husband’s trade. A ‘man of leisure’ is obligated every day, while a sailor is obligated once every six months. So I don’t find this specifying of all men of leisure having orgasms every day within the confines of a Jewish marriage to be “lewd”.
Furthermore, there’s a Hassidic custom that the most opportune time for a couple to fulfill their marital obligation is on midnight on Shabbat. So, does the knowledge that hundreds if not thousands of married Orthodox Jews are fulfilling their marital obligations in synchrony every Shabbat at midnight rankle you?
ck wrote “Her last line clearly advocated orgasm in the context of shabbos and procreation and within the confines of a halachically approved marriage.”
Last I heard the Shabbat doesn’t start until sundown. Ain’t none of you ever heard of a little “Afternoon Delight”?
Of course, having to perform on command (such as a designated day) can be a little too much pressure for some.
david smith wrote: “What’s vital to me is to make it plain to the world that those who hold such views subscribe to an entirely different religion than mine.”
That’s all fine and good as long as one doesn’t grossly over generalize – ie “That murderous nutbar identified with Orthodox Judaism hence all Orthodox Jews are murderous nutbars.”
Does the mitzvah sex on shabbos depend on the orgasm? for everybody involved? probably.
Let’s just say I would not have wanted to be the customer service rep. who opened that package.
I thought there was some sort of halakic obligation that a husband has wait for the wife to orgasm before he does so they can have a boy and didn’t I learn something about the number of times a week depending on the profession of the man…
More importantly…did anyone like my sweet potatoe latke recipe? I posted as Anon by mistake.
It’s instructive to note that Lance is by no means alone in his conception of the scale of values emphasized in Judaism. “Modesty” – for women of course – is important to the point of virtual obssession. Mass murder of unarmed civilians, on the other hand, well, that’s really no problem at all:
Asher Weisgan did all of Israel a favor. . . . May G-d bless Asher Weisgan and may he regain his freedom very soon!
What’s vital to me is to make it plain to the world that those who hold such views subscribe to an entirely different religion than mine.
Oh man Lance, a lesser person would just go to town on you given that opening… but that person would not be me.
So I’ll try and respond seriously. An Orgasm is not in and of itself “licentious.” I grant you that discussing orgasms may not be considered the height of modesty, however, frankly, Jews need to get it on with other Jews more often. Anyone who advocates that, as well as family, fertility and sabbath observance, well… I’m all in favor of that.
I mean geez, this isn’t Cross Currents! This is Jewlicious! Open your eyes, take a look at what’s going on around us.
You have a better idea? And this post also had a strong tongue in… uh… cheek element. Try to chill a little!
Are you suggesting that a publicly “advocated orgasm” is consistent with Jewish modesty? I stand by my assertion that Judaism does not condone such licentiousness.
Chutzpah,
Believe me, it could have been worse; it could have been Columbia. Oh, and thanks for the AdamEve referral. Just one question, though: the toy you returned; the one they gave you a refund for; it didn’t go back in stock, did it?
Lance,
Antinomian, is it? Perhaps you ought to look up this entry a little further along in your thesaurus: Putz.
Aw c’mon Lance. Antinomian? Really?? Does that even mean anything in this context? Are there any Jews out there who have absolutely nothing to atone for on Yom Kippur? One might say that Judaism is almost antinomian by nature or design.
But that’s a digression. Laya wasn’t advocating anything uh… treif. Her last line clearly advocated orgasm in the context of shabbos and procreation and within the confines of a halachically approved marriage. Aint nothin’ “rank” about that!
Sorry Lance, your previous comment was great but this one gets a D-minus.
So much for female Jewish modesty. Laya’s sexual rankness is so illustrative of the antinomian nature of this Web site.
I knew I picked the wrong Ivy. The only thing Cornell ever encouraged to come was the tuition check.
However, I will be participating in the experiment and for the singles out there I’d like to give an endorsement to AdamEve.com. Biblical name and great customer service…they once took back a toy I used for a year and sent me a new one for free and paid for the shipping and handling.
Oh, and this is not for the frum men amongst us lest they spill seed wastefully, sorry boys, just keep up the learning.
If you would be kind enough to give me this Noah’s last name I will make some time to look up where is written about the lack of proper orgasm.
It goes back to the age old teachings of Rabbi Five-finger:
For if the world only would have more sex, the world would be a better place. (Mishina Sanbedroom)
Finnish said: Doh. I think I need my eyes checked.
We *told* you it would make you go blind.
YC: You’re dismembering the Midrash. :-p
Wasn’t Noah’s flood caused by lack of proper orgasms? am I misremebering that midrash?
This Global Orgasm Day will be a booster to global warming. We are all going to drown!
Nah, your eyes are fine. You see, we have two filters, a moderation queue and a spam queue. Lately, the spam queue has been eating a lot of real comments along with all the spam. So when I saw your comment about Global Amnesia, I checked the spam filter and lo and behold, your comment was there.
Doh. I think I need my eyes checked.
I wrote a longish rant related to the Global Consciousness Project but it seems to have been lost into the Global Amnesia.
As much as I love New Agers, there really haven’t been measurable results for this stuff. My dad is into transcendental meditation and has been a part of these types of events, so I read up on it.
Not only is there no peer-reviewed evidence, but much of the evidence done has proven that none of these experiments do crap.
For an example, see the results of the Washington D.C. TM “study” that was touted as a success, the research is utter bunk and based on their own mission statement it technically “proves” they increased violence.
Heck, if birth rates were any indication of number of simultaneous orgasms, there ought to be flower power parades through Gaza on a daily basis.
Now excuse me… I’ll be in the other room, uh, praying for peace anyway.
The Global Consciousness Project is surely measuring something (temperature, humidity, activity of the Sun, ambient radio transmission intensity, etc. or a combination of those, or whatever), but I would not call it “global consciousness”.
I would say the experiment is about psychology more than anything else. Humans have a tendency to spot patterns and in trying to understand the patterns, they at the same time attach some meaning to the patterns. After the meaning is attached, it can become so “sticky” that the person will not let go of the interpretation no matter what. Then, people invent all kinds of excuses and twist logic, words and meanings to make it so that their interpretation stays right.
For instance, many people have seen the face of Jesus or Virgin Mary in a loaf of bread or a subway wall, or have decided that a mountain and play of light and shadow is a giant face on Mars. Some even saw the face of Satan (or at least three holes in a pointed-down triangle formation) in the smoke arising out of WTC during the September 11th attacks.
It’s likely that some event or events will surely nicely hit the noise patterns retrieved from the Eggs. The problem is that the predictions and analysis are conjured out afterwards and the performance of the system is not consistent, sometimes they find a match, sometimes not.
Also, the GCP project people seem to think that they follow all events around the world, but in reality mainstream news media only captures a tiny fragment of what is really going on in the world. Also, the GCP project seems to have some kind of odd delusions about mainstream media coverage being equivalent to the things people really worry and care about in a global level. I argue that this is not really so. A hugely visible event does not imply that it’s a meaningful event for a lot of people, and therefore such event might not influence a “global consciousness” at all, should such a “global consciousness” exist in the first place. For example, and sorry for saying this, but a crashing aircraft (like the Concorde crash referenced in the FAQ) means absolutely nothing to the vast majority of people on the planet.
Another example, the page about the tsunami of 2004, which caused worldwide tragedy and a lot of media coverage, shows basically nothing but fairytales why the system supposedly somehow works nevertheless. One thing which the page does show is a surge of traffic to their page.
I’d like to see the GCP people predict major events before they happen, and not try to explain things by inventing some curve-fitting afterwards.
Oh, and don’t take this as a message against the Orgasm Day. On the contrary! Make every day such a day.