}

The Jewprentice, Jew vs. Jew, Trump Shmump, Etc.

“I have two boys in my family…”–first words uttered by Dan on the Apprentice. And that’s why he was the first one picked by the dude who’s in Mensa…who keeps mentioning that he’s in Mensa…

It’s possible that none of you know what I’m talking about. But for those who do, you probably already know that this season of the Apprentice features two Contestants of the Tribe.

apprentice dan Unfortunately, because Daniel Brody is married, I can’t make him Single Semite of the Month. A shame, because he’s got the look.

And a look at the video interview over at the NBC Apprentice site shows you that he’s much more relatable than his glamour shot might indicate. Plus, his strong connection to tradition and to family would make him a perfect catch Apprentice. Actually, I guess we’ll see if it does…

Also, Brody is a YU graduate, and according to information on the internet, one of two Orthodox (or at least observant) Jews on the show. But I’m going to go ahead and proclaim him Jewlicious.

apprentice lee As far as religious wannabe Apprentice #2 is concerned, his name is Lee (“Jack and the”) Bienstock and he’s a graduate of HAFTR (pronounced like “after” and standing for the Hebrew Academy of Five Towns and Rockaway).

He’s young–22–and I have to say that his online interview wasn’t really as compelling as Dan’s (see them both at the NBC Apprentice site). But one place Lee beats His Jewish Hotness is in his answer to the following stumper of an interview question:

“If you could be any movie star from any era, who would you be and why?”

Lee said he’d be Robert De Niro, because he’s a great actor who has has the versatility to do comedy or drama well. Dan said he’d be Batman, because then he could get his four-year-old son to eat his vegetables. While this is a most pragmatic and yet whimsical response, I’m going to have to disqualify Dan, because he’s married Batman is not a movie star–he’s a fictional character. Am I being too harsh?

Anyway, should be interesting to see if Jewish practice comes up at all during this season…so far (20 minutes in), no visible kippot. So we’ll see…

In any case, both of them are pretty darned Jewlicious, that’s for sure.

Esther Kustanowitz

For more posts by Esther, see EstherK.com, MyUrbanKvetch.com and JDatersAnonymous.com.

59 Comments

  1. "Orthodox Apprentice"

    2/27/2006 at 11:58 pm

    You could follow all the action and discuss their performance at the Orthodox Apprentice blog.

  2. Chaim

    2/28/2006 at 7:27 am

    I watched last night, and couldnt remember the faces/names of the two Jews, so I kept guessing. Im very thankful that the “mensa” no mentcha wasnt one of them, but Lee I figured out right away. I liked him though because he didnt give in to the “Mensa” threat of siding with mensa or else.

  3. Jewish Mother

    2/28/2006 at 10:50 am

    What is the difference between Orthodox and observant? Sorry to be stupid.

    Why “but”?

    You can be observant and Jewlicious. Look at CK. Michael. Yourself.

  4. ano

    2/28/2006 at 12:45 pm

    JM: There are observant Conservative Jews, even if it’s not a large proportion of people who go to C shuls. Some people go to C shuls but consider themselves O, but some people go to both C and O shuls and consider themselves C or Conservadox.

  5. Jewish Mother

    2/28/2006 at 2:09 pm

    Thanks. I figured: observant means shomer mitzvot, privately, without much affiliation. Orthodox means involved with an Orthodox community or shul at least a little bit. Not just private life-style.

    To me, shomer mitzvot means taping the lights and not driving on Saturday, and eating stuff that has a hechsher or is made in a kosher place, including your place.

    Jewliciousness is only enhanced by observance. It’s like the difference between cheese and cheese-food spread.

    Made the old way. Not an imitation. Nice. Costs more. Harder to find. Worth the effort, however. The real thing. Sometimes people don’t even know what they are missing if they haven’t experienced the real thing. No idolatry. Something more important than job and price of tie. Something above!That kind of thing. Discipline and a little frustrated manoeuvering are good for people, especially male type people, bless them.

  6. 1.5 opinions

    2/28/2006 at 4:34 pm

    “Shomer mitzvot means…eating stuff that has a hechsher.”

    I cannot imaging that R’ Yitzhak Abadi would agree. After all, his kashrut.org site directs an “ingredients-list” approach to kashrut and specifically allows a tuna fish sandwich at Subway. This advice from a Rabbi who was a posek in Lakewood and had questioners referred to him by R’ Shlomo Zalman Auerbach and is pretty darn to the right.

    I grant that R’ Abadi’s views are not the majority opinion (except in the Shulkhan Aruch and its early commentaries), but I would definitely hesitate to define shomer mitzvot in terms of symbols from for-profit certification agencies, no?

  7. ck

    2/28/2006 at 4:47 pm

    1.5 opinions: Well, one can’t really argue with the fantastic trickle down effect and all the subsequent positive economic activity caused by all the newly minted kashrut multi-millionaires. Who would have thought there’d be so much cash in the deceptively lucrative Jew Tax business. It’s enough to make me want to grow a beard and payes and design an OJ logo – Union of Jewlicious Rabbis. Our stuff would not only be halachically kosher to the strictest standards, but it would be yummy too! And then I’m a get me a Ferrari!

    Vroooom!

  8. Jewish Mother

    2/28/2006 at 5:00 pm

    It’s an idea.

  9. Jewish Mother

    2/28/2006 at 5:03 pm

    There are so many styles of beards. A close-cropped can fix a weak chin. A mustache can fix a weak upper lip. Life is so interesting.

  10. anon

    2/28/2006 at 5:21 pm

    For everyone’s information, Brent is also an MOT.

  11. judi

    2/28/2006 at 5:37 pm

    For the record, taping the lights is not “shomer mitzvot”; it’s “A/R”. Think about it: when you take off the tape, the switchplates get all funky and dirt sticks to them. Ick! As I recall, that practice became uncool when plastic on the sofa and “tea essence” went out. Let it go.

    Shomer mitzvot usually refers to keepin’ the Shabbos, eatin’ kosher and supporting and occasionally visiting the local-est mikvah.

    And yes, sometimes the peeps who rep the C-shuls do this stuff, too.

  12. grandmuffti

    2/28/2006 at 5:59 pm

    Shomer fucking shabbos!

  13. themiddle

    2/28/2006 at 7:56 pm

    That would be shabbat, right? Not shabbos. At least that’s the way I read it in a book once. Shabbat.

  14. DK

    2/28/2006 at 8:20 pm

    No, TM. Shabbos.

  15. ck

    2/28/2006 at 9:30 pm

    Uh… Brent Buckman is definitely a Jew. I mean come on! he’s from Toronto, went to Dork York University and then studied Law at Avon Nova U. in Florida . And now he’s a lawyer. And he has a God awful Web site … Another possible Jew is Allie Jablon. Despite the fact that she was a cheerleader at the the University of Florida, she did have a 4.0 GPA and received an MBA from Harvard Business School. Also I don’t know anyone with the last naame Jablon who doesn’t have a Jewish Dad.

    Esther, despite your otherwise stellar pop culture cred, your Jewdar needs some rejigging! For shame! For shame I say!

  16. themiddle

    2/28/2006 at 9:33 pm

    I stand by shabbat.

  17. grandmuffti

    2/28/2006 at 9:37 pm

    Middle, have you never seen the Big Lebowski?

  18. Dave

    2/28/2006 at 9:51 pm

    Shabbat vs Shabbos — it’s a Ashkanasic (European) vs Seferdic (Spanish/Portuageas) thing. I don’t remember which prounounces what, but one pronounces the letter tav as an S and the other as a T.

    Here in the midwest we have both sorts of pronounciations. And some phrases are just always one way and other phrases are always the other. For example, we say “Shabbat Shalom” but “Good Shabbos”.

  19. esther

    2/28/2006 at 11:04 pm

    CK, do not start with me. I’ve had a really hard day. If that’s how you really feel, why don’t you just go ahead and fire me… Maybe then my stellar pop culture cred and I can make some dough already.

    This wasn’t an authoritative post on who’s Jewish on the Apprentice. It was a profile of the two guys who are actually going to be making their Jewishness/Jewish observance or whatever you call it part of their on-screen personas. But you already knew that.

  20. ck

    2/28/2006 at 11:08 pm

    Yikes Esther! I was like, you know, kidding and stuff. And no, I didn’t know that the post was about Jewishness being a part of an on-screen personna. I totally stand corrected and am duly chastised. I’ll tell ya what – if it makes you feel better, you can fire me …

  21. ofri

    2/28/2006 at 11:39 pm

    thaanks, what’s wrong with the University of Florida?

  22. themiddle

    3/1/2006 at 2:21 am

    Nothing is wrong with U of Fl. In fact, Brent would have been far better off career-wise had he gone there instead of Nova Southeastern law school. On the other hand, he might have married Miss Jablon instead of his classmate from Nova.

    And folks, open a Tanach and read the word. It is SH AA BBBBB AA TTTTTTTTTTTTT.

    Muffti, I have seen Big Lebowski, but I have also seen 2 zillion other films. Is there something I’m not connecting to the movie?

  23. themiddle

    3/1/2006 at 2:22 am

    Oh, and Esther and ck, you’re both FIRED. Get a room already.

  24. judi

    3/1/2006 at 6:44 am

    And just to add to the melee, TM, you can also end Shabbat/Shabbos with a Temani “th”, making it “Shabbath”. Personally, however, I prefer to end it with Havdallah.

  25. Jewish Mother

    3/1/2006 at 10:22 am

    We only tape the lights because our souls are not pure enough, so we might forget and switch them from habit. We use paper tape, like for art, which leaves no stickiness or mark. It helps. Don’t mock the feeble, just because you don’t need this crutch.

  26. Jewish Mother

    3/1/2006 at 10:32 am

    I am the Lord, your G-d, sometimes.

  27. ofri

    3/1/2006 at 10:43 am

    themiddle, thank you. UF is no Harvard, but we like it ok. Nova is considered a pretty crappy law school around these parts.
    You should revisit The Big Lebowski, because Walter sure as shit doesn’t fucking roll on Shabbos. excuse my language.

  28. anon

    3/1/2006 at 11:16 am

    Further to the post re: Brent’s site – check out buckmania.com – a site created by Brent’s “fans”. I plutzed!

  29. grandmuffti

    3/1/2006 at 12:57 pm

    MIddle! You must rewatch. Here’s a bit from teh script:

    How come you don’t roll on Saturday,
    Walter?

    WALTER
    I’m shomer shabbas.

    DONNY
    What’s that, Walter?

    DUDE
    Yeah, and in the meantime what do I
    tell Lebowski?

    WALTER
    Saturday is shabbas. Jewish day of
    rest. Means I don’t work, I don’t
    drive a car, I don’t fucking ride in
    a car, I don’t handle money, I don’t
    turn on the oven, and I sure as shit
    don’t fucking roll!

    DONNY
    Sheesh.

    DUDE
    Walter, how–

    WALTER
    Shomer shabbas.

  30. Jewish Mother

    3/1/2006 at 1:03 pm

    Right.

  31. how about jewish playboy model

    3/1/2006 at 1:48 pm

    How about showing Bar Rafaeli,an Israeli model going out the Hollywood actor
    Leornardo DiCaprio
    or Lidsey Vuolo
    Jewish playboy bunny..

    lindseyvuolo.o...

    Tired of always seeing guys on this site.

  32. how about jewish playboy model

    3/1/2006 at 1:50 pm

    How about showing Bar Rafaeli,an Israeli model going out the Hollywood actor
    Leornardo DiCaprio
    or Lidsey Vuolo
    Jewish playboy bunny..

    lindseyvuolo.o...

    Tired of always seeing guys on this site.

  33. how about jewish playboy model

    3/1/2006 at 1:57 pm

    How about showing Bar Rafaeli,an Israeli model going out the Hollywood actor
    Leornardo DiCaprio
    or Lidsey Vuolo
    Jewish playboy bunny..

    lindseyvuolo.o...

    or Haifa hottie Morian Atias

    Tired of always seeing guys on this site.

  34. theplayboygal

    3/1/2006 at 3:51 pm

    You must type in Lindseyvuolo.org to view as the link above does not work.

    all bust and brains

  35. Jewish Mother

    3/1/2006 at 3:58 pm

    Yeah, let’s see some people nobody looks like. The rest of us non-models can just sit and be wistful. Jewilicious is much more COMPLICATED than having “perfect” (whatever the beauty standard is anywah) pieces and parts.

    It is a state of mind. MIND.

  36. ofri

    3/1/2006 at 5:04 pm

    that’s all well and nice, JM, but how many guys do you know that look like that superhottie Daniel Brody? or that Indiana Jones wannabe from last time? you don’t think that sets kind of an impossible standard for the Lee Bienstocks of the world? Let’s not be hypocritical.

  37. Jewish Mother

    3/1/2006 at 5:45 pm

    Lots of people look something like Josh Bernstein, the Indiana Jones-ish person to whom you refer. For instance, Lee Bienstock (top of this thread) is a similar-looking type, dark eyes, dark brows, like that.

    With enough hats, beards and mustaches, everybody looks good. Bring ’em back, say I. Our poor men have no place to hide, and they are judged too harshly as a result.

    People need costume so they can hide and so nobody gets to inspect the details of their bone structure and compare them to each other with calipers.

    Women have given up costume too. What you see is what there is. No hiding allowed. Oy.

  38. ofri

    3/1/2006 at 8:33 pm

    lots of people look like less attractive versions of Josh Bernstein. by your logic, then, many women look like Bar Rafaeli and whoever the playboy girl is. same hair color, same eye color, two breasts. it’s the proportions and quality of the features we all share that determine physical beauty (as most people see it). i think either you’re being willfully nonsensical you’re just blind. Bienstock looks nothing, NOTHING like hat guy. I’ve got nothing against him, he’s got nice deep doe eyes and his own particular charm. He looks like your average guy. Old blue eyes up above him, though, is in no way representative of the general population, much less the Jewish population.

  39. playboygal

    3/1/2006 at 9:03 pm

    The jewish playboy bunny at lindseyvuolo.org
    The brown hair/brown eyes combo is usually nicer than the blue combo. JM, A little working out eating right and dressing right does wonders. Tons of similar looking gals like Lindsey in Haifa and in the beaches of Miami..Everywhere baby.And its usually gals that tend to judge more for looks than guys.

  40. Jewish Mother

    3/2/2006 at 10:26 am

    I agree.

    I was just complaining that expectations have been ratcheted up to impossible levels.

    We need to marry each other.

    We have our beauties, certainly, definitely, but as a group, in general, that has not been our strongest area: it is our minds, hearts and souls. Now what?

    Nothing. That’s what. Sighing, whining, old age, death, extinction. Bye.

    So I favor lots of camouflages and decorations, such as hats, beards, mustaches, flowing garments, fashion knowledge, stuff like that. And please hold the champagne flute by the stem. Holding it by the bowl warms the wine. That’s why the glass HAS a stem.

  41. Jewish Mother

    3/2/2006 at 11:43 am

    It is a self-esteem issue. We have very high self-esteem. So we feel we deserve a fab friend. Thin, regular features, good teeth. But: our high self-esteem also means we are pretty darn OK as we are. WE don’t have to be thin, coifed, cool, cute, tottering in uncomfortable shoes, perpetually smiling, with bonded teeth. Not US. WE should be chosen for our inner selves. It’s the other guy who has to have good bones, nice hair texture, good posture, just the right jeans, toned arms, not too much body hair and on and on and on. Oh blah.

  42. playboygal

    3/2/2006 at 12:05 pm

    With the jewish playboygal at lidseyvuolo.org
    its not that rare to have the works JM;
    but sexual talent now that is rare.

  43. Jewish Mother

    3/2/2006 at 12:18 pm

    The works. Big deal.

    If it meant anything they wouldn’t still be on the site.

    I mean, it hasn’t led anywhere. They’re still hawking, er, advertising. Where are the fruits of their labors?

    Talent is when it means something. Oh.

  44. playboygal

    3/2/2006 at 12:50 pm

    Well JM we all get married
    for different reasons and its just as easy to fall in love with someone with talent as compared to no talent.

  45. Jewish Mother

    3/2/2006 at 2:16 pm

    Core values should be the same.

  46. esther

    3/2/2006 at 2:44 pm

    I will never fall in love with someone with no talent. I know this much is true.

  47. Jewish Mother

    3/2/2006 at 3:12 pm

    Totally. Yes.

    But meringue is ninety-five percent air. Only five percent egg white. Words to live by.

  48. CALI

    3/3/2006 at 9:20 pm

    Ali is definitely Jewish. And she is going to win it all!

  49. "Orthodox Apprentice"

    3/6/2006 at 11:55 am

    It’s been confirmed that Allie is Jewish.

  50. Ivan Haterofjews

    5/16/2006 at 7:17 am

    Fuck these stupid big nose jews kill them all

  51. Ivan Haterofjews

    5/16/2006 at 7:21 am

    i ate a jew one time, it was a little over cooked, it was sort of like charcoal

  52. Ivan Haterofjews

    5/16/2006 at 7:22 am

    who is hitler?

  53. Ivan Haterofjews

    5/16/2006 at 7:23 am

    Ariel sharon is dead right.

  54. Ivan Haterofjews

    5/16/2006 at 7:23 am

    no i think he is a vegetable

  55. Ivan Haterofjews

    5/16/2006 at 7:24 am

    ok then if he is a vegetable what vegetable would he be

  56. Ivan Haterofjews

    5/16/2006 at 7:26 am

    i would have to say a really fat fuckin watermelon

  57. Ivan Haterofjews

    5/16/2006 at 7:28 am

    i would love to cut that fat motherfucker throat. Ear to Ear i would then cut his head off commpetely, boil it and feed it to his fat bald son.

  58. Ivan Haterofjews

    5/16/2006 at 7:28 am

    i love jews

  59. Levi

    8/15/2007 at 10:20 pm

    its actually neither shabbat nor shabbos the original pronunciation was more like “Shabbadth” listen to arabic and youll here the sound im talking about.

    do a google search for pilology and ancient hebrew and you might find out that a tav with a dagesh is ‘T and without a dagesh is ‘dth or something of the sort

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