I’m having spiritual issues. It’s Elul again, and I honestly don’t know where the last year went (I think I was too busy moving half a dozen times to realize what was happening). More importantly I don’t know where my spiritual connection went. I feel like while I was trying to figure out how ‘religious’ I want to be, I had stopped being spiritual. And in that, I had lost some of myself.

I was still Shomer Shabbat and Kashrut, but living in Jerusalem, that doesn’t necessarily count for so much. The fact is, I got lazy. I was still subconsciously expecting to reap the benefits of a spiritual life while putting in minimal effort. So lately I’ve been trying again.

I went down and sat at the kotel for the first time in months, not praying, specifically, just being there, silently asking the universe to remember me, to show the power on high that I’m making an effort, however small it might be.

In our tradition, they say when you come to purify yourself, the whole Universe conspires to help you. I’m counting on it.

Rosh Hashana is a week away, and I can’t shake the suspicion that this is real and I am completely unprepared.

About the author

Laya Millman


  • Great book by the way – “This is real and you are completely unprepared” – read it?

  • 5 points! That’s exactly what I borrowed from. Yes, i read it this time last year and loved it. Picked it up again this year and couldn’t get into it. Just depends where you are in life i guess.

  • Why are we jews so neurotic about spirituality? Doesn’t it seem like the sort of thing that should find you rather than you it?

  • Should you wait for food to find you when you’re hungry?
    Should you wait for a job to find you instead of looking for a job? Should you wait for a doctor to find you when you’re sick?

    For something so much more important, why should you wait for it to find you?