If you're married, have fun!Yiddles can Diddle!

I enjoy taking the piss out of Rabbi Shmuley Botteach. The ground breaking former Lubavitch emissary and author of the book Kosher Sex and now regular columnist has often made statements that made me crazy. When he goes off about US foreign policy or Hashem help us, rock and roll music, it’s all I can do to stop myself from firing off an email missive that begins with “Dude. Shut the f*ck up, you have no clue what you’re talking about.”

But when the man sticks to what he knows, he’s golden, untouchable, a veritable beacon of wisdom in a world darkened by obfuscation and wooden, outmoded notions. I’m talking about steamy lingerie, dildos, adult toys, hot sex … and halacha . The Rabbi writes about all that and more in his latest column, titled Lust is Jewish. He says:

Anything that increases passion between husband and wife without compromising intimacy is a good thing … The really unholy thing is not sex toys but adultery, not a wife wearing lingerie but a husband staring at another woman’s naked body… The monotony of modern marriage is the real enemy we have to combat. Yes, sex was holy, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be hot.

He goes on to chide Texas Law enforcement authorities who saw fit to arrest an otherwise fine, church going lady for holding tupperware-party style events where various sex toys were offered for sale to all female groups. This served to reinforce very fundamental differences between the Christian view of sex as opposed to the Jewish one. And uh… why Jews ought to vote Democrat. Heh…

Now granted, Boteach is very careful to place all this within the context of marriage – which is cool. How many of us know people involved in dull lifeless marriages? How many of us are actually currently involved in an unsatisfying relationship? The Rabbi’s message is that real, valuable intimacy requires hard work and effort. And yes, maybe even some props. But whatever, make the effort. It is so easy to covet and much harder to foster and maintain real intimacy. In this culture we’re all such junkies for ease of use and convenience, we forget that really GOOD things are difficult to come by. Oh and that if you’re Jewish, sex for the sake of pleasure is not automatically sinful (in the context of marriage, yo! Don’t get too excited).

This week, Rabbi Boteach is definitely Jewlicious.

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About the author


Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.


  • And for those who are psychologically minded…one must, MUST, pick up and read Passionate Marriage by David Snarch. It’s probably the best book on intimacy/marriage/sex that I’ve ever read. And I do this stuff – therapy – for a living. It ain’t Mars/Venus fluff, but if you’ve got the mind for it, well then, Snarch is on to something.

  • Durex, hot Israeli sex, kosher love toys…

    CK, is there something you need to get off your chest, man? 😉

  • Michael… I just report the stories, this is what came across my radar. Plus as a man I am of course, a total little beastie so of course my mind is always in the gutter.

  • Well said David. Boteach scores points here. Now, how do we convince people to marry?

  • Hey, come on Masked Avenger – You’re the one with all the Rabbinic knowledge… left up to me I’d probably come up with a solution that involves a big party, loads of surreptitiously administered ecstacy and a whole crew of hastily assembled officiating Rabbis. There’s a good reason I am a mere nobody blogger dude and not in any position of leadership… although I am pretty sure my solution would fly well with Rev. Sun Myung Moon ….

  • Your “radar” picks this stuff up because it’s the only way you’re actually getting any. I respect that you are a pious man ck, but two blog postings about sex in a row?! Dude, do your hormones a favor and call Devora today at http://www.JMatch.com and start doing some serious looking.

  • Um, this was supposed to appear with the above comment:

    N. recalls that after Damelin’s presentation, many of the married participants went outside to call their husbands on their cell phones. “They were like `honey, the one I want costs 300 NIS. Do you think we can afford it? I could buy a cheaper one instead,'” N. said. “All the husbands were really supportive. One woman told me that her husband had been setting money aside so that she could buy whatever she wanted.”

  • Thanks T.M., my technological skills are not as good as my clinical and observational skills. You picked the best paragraph in the article to quote. 🙂

  • Janice wrote:
    “Your “radar” picks this stuff up because it’s the only way you’re actually getting any.”

    Oh Janice. Don’t go there. Really.


  • That kind of content would make your brain melt TM. G*d knows what it would do to a nice, frum woman from the upper west side. Even if she does write for Cosmo.

  • Yup, sure is – I mean if what you want to learn is how to reinforce your low self esteem, or how to reinforce your desire to engage in bulimic or anorexic activities and how you can look awesome doing that in a kicky pair of Pradas while simultaneously blowing your special man’s mind with your newly learned bedroom acrobatics.

  • Yes, T.M., Cosmo is definitely an educational magazine. It is all about teaching women how to attract, seduce and pleasure a man, and get pleasure and gratification — emotionally, psychologically and sexually — in return. While I may not totally agree with targeting this info to single women, it can be highly useful to married women. Like T.M.’s wife. And us F.B.C. (that’s “frum but cool”) ladies on the Upper West Side.

  • And I’m quoted in the November issue of Cosmo as well! They called for my expert advice on “How Not to Lose a Guy (in Ten Days).” I discussed how important it is to give a guy space in the beginning stages of a relationship, to let him “invite” you into his world, rather than just assume early on that you’re a permanent part of his life.

    I think that single men out there in Jewlicious-land can appreciate knowing that women are being provided with this kind of guidance.

    Don’t you think this would be a great premise for a movie? 🙂

  • Hmmmm, I suspect my wife is not part of Cosmo’s target demographic, but I’ll check. I’ll especially point out the educational articles, “17 Positions That Will Drive Him Insane” and “How to Get Your Man to Lick Your Feet In Gratitude.”

    I expect she’ll be subscribing shortly.

  • “17 Positions That Will Drive Him Insane?”

    Hmmm… I’m definitely down with that.

  • “Mary’s husband was never quite the same after the Tiger Who Spies Upon the Thirsty Gazelle at the Watering Hole Position, one of the 17 positions guaranteed by Cosmopolitan magazaine to drive her husband insane. One moment there had been nothing but fiery passion, and the next her husband was out of bed, rolling on the floor, drooling and discussing Hegelian metaphysics with Jesus.”

  • “It is all about teaching women how to attract, seduce and pleasure a man”

    Janice, Keep up this great and noble calling. Although as a man, I have to say women’s magazines tend to make it sound way more difficult and complicated than it really is. Kinda’ like going to great effort to prepare a four course French Cuisine meal for a Labrador retriever – if you know what I mean.