Yom shlishi

On the third day of Chanukah, ask yourself, “What would Judah Maccabee do?” Walk right in and wipe them all out. That’s what Judah Maccabee would do. In the meantime, I can’t believe I’m listening to Nachum Segal’s Chanukah music special on Jewish World Review. Those cute ashkenazic accents, the clarinets and accordions that hearken back to the mysterious European shtetls, the boy bands that reflect puritanical Haredi prohibitions against the voice of women… man, ashkenazim are sooo exotic! I wish someone would come over right now and gimme one of them latkes yo, spin my dreidel!

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About the author


Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.


  • Well, some of us have the ahavat Yisrael and yirat Hashem to splurge on Chabad chanukiyot and get the $14 kind. Matityahu ben-Yochanan kohen gadol Hashmonai would approve of nothing less.

  • Michael. You are so going to get noogies when Muffti and I get there. I have the Office menorah (cheapo) and the home menorah (much less cheapo) and the one my ex kept (mongo expensive). The Macabees would be proud, I promise.

  • It’s marokaii not marokani.
    Last time I checked I wasn’t remotely smart enough to be an apikoros, even if I was so disposed, which I’m not. That’s more grandmuffti’s thing.

    The only thing you got right is that we will make you feel as if hashem has abandonned you.

  • That’s why I said “Muffti ha-apikoros,” if you’ll notice. And both of my dictionaries say “Marokani.” Kind of like Amerikaii vs. Amerikani. So, um, yeah.

  • Marokani is used as an adjective and Marokaii is used as a noun.

    And yes, upon rereading your comment, you were indeed refering to grandmuffti. You still have a world of hurt coming your way though … 😉

  • Yeah, IGA sells menorahs. At least the one at Victora/Van Horne does. I know, because I bought mine there.

  • Hey, CK, if you’re really serious about this whole crashing my totally Jewlicious-if-very-small room during Mardi Gras thing, can I at least get a free Shmatas.com T-shirt?

    Also, would not three Jews going together to get toasted and shout for beads and other goodies during a heavily syncretic Christianish festival be bitul Torah and avodah zarah? Would it not be an unforgiveable breach of tzniut to seek out all those naked boobies? Will a trip to the mikveh be required for purification post-festivities? Will Rabbi Yonah have to weigh in on these pressing issues of Yiddishkeit? Discuss.

  • I was planning on just hagin’ out at Tulane’s Chabad House the whole time … and riding the trolley! I love that trolley! I don’t know what all that other stuff you’re talking about is.

  • Whatever, dude. I distinctly remember the consumption of hurricanes and Jaegermeister shots being under discussion. Also, you didn’t answer me about the T-shirt.

  • what’s wrong with a little lechayim here and there? I am assuming there’ll be some kind of fabrengen to go to, no? where I assume there’ll be hurricanes and jaegermeister? i think after the insane drive muffti and i are going to undertake, a bitchin’ kosher moroccan place will be quite in order …

    Yes, we’ll bring you a fucking t-shirt. And we’ll bring the christian boy a christ killer shirt as well.

  • I knew I could count on you. Challah hu Akbar, medium, in creme, please. The Christian boy will probably not appreciate a Christ Killer shirt. He’s so sensitive sometimes. You could give it to me instead.

    You may be right about farbrengens, although the drink of choice at Chabad these days seems to be freezer-chilled vodka. Last week we had Stoli orange, which was terrible. At Simchat Torah, however, it’s entirely possible that by the end of the evening we were drinking STA”M ink.

    Not only is the Moroccan place good, the waitress is cute. Though if you get your food and loudly pronounce that it’s “not as good as Brakha’s,” however true it may be, you sleep outside while Muffti and I party.

  • Muffti is both loyal, and has had the honor of eating at Brakha’s. He’s more likely to stand up and yell, but in either case, neither of us would leave the other outside. I know we run a blog called Jewlicious and all but… well, let’s just say, we’re not really typical Jews…

  • The Muffti has eaten at Bracha’s and approves wholeheartedly. And he is loyal enough to CK to say that he won’t make him sleep on the road unless the boobies demand his departure and are really spectacular. To answer your question, however, whatever love CK and I share is purely platonic. Or, as Ricky from Trailer Park Boys says, ‘we have this plutonium love shit going on and I’d hate to ever ruin that…

  • Yup, that’s it. Plutonium love. It’s a Chernobyl thing Michael; you wouldn’t understand.