sara henna is the cutest

I find I get fairly nervous at large social functions full of people I know. Particularly at the weddings of my friends. Maybe I suffer from a bit of nuptial induced social-anxiety disorder. Maybe it taps into my own fear of commitment combined with my slight indignation that my friends keep feeling the need to go off and get married (the nerve!)

I don’t know. In any case, for such situations I find the open bar to particularly helpful.

However, I consequently end up occasionally saying things that raise a few religious eyebrows.

Case in point: Last night at my friend Sara Henna’s wedding I was schmoozing with some folks I hadn’t seen in a while, and somehow it became apropos to (somewhat proudly) mention the fun fact that if you Google Jewish boobs, Jewlicious is no. 1!

Translated through the filter of our mutual states of intoxication, I somehow, inadvertently, lead them to believe that Laya now works for a site called jewishboobies.com, or at least that’s new the rumor going around.

Oy. The shame.

Still could be worse, at least I’m not supposedly working for goyishaboobies.com. That would really be a shanda.

Still, Sara Henna was quite simply the cutest bride ever. She married this very endearing French/morrocan/Israeli dude. A week ago they still didnt have a place to live, so Hen, if you guys are staying in the old apartment with Simone and Rachael, is foreign film night still on this week?

About the author

Laya Millman

47 Comments

  • I think that’s really funny. But what do I know. I only came in second in the Best Humor Blog category.

    But you’re right about one thing: all hail the open bar.

  • I always suffer when there are a lot of people around, regardless of who they. Them being family (or friends) actually makes it a bit easier, though. I think that makes me a paranoid schizophrenic.

    And I agree that weddings are a great opportunity to get shitfaced. Although my definition of shitfaced is “having drunk a single shot of tequila”.

    So yeah.

  • Also, I’d like to add that the aforementioned search query should be inside quotation marks to bring about the expected results.

  • “Maybe it taps into my own fear of commitment”

    I know women say this, but damn it if I met any…or any with as much fear as some of my male friends. Ok…ok, and me alright…ALRIGHT???

  • Ya know, it just came to me that if Grandmuffti would spell his name properly, i.e. Grandmufti, Jewlicious would end up very high on Google when people do a search on the bastard. I mean Grandmufti being the bastard, not Grandmuffti.

  • “I mean Grandmufti being the bastard, not Grandmuffti.”

    *Suuuuure* you did! 😉

  • OH MY GOD I KNOW HER!!!!
    mazal tov and mabrouk, Sara Henna!!!!

  • Somehow, when I read Grace’s comments, I can’t help imagining her as Debra Messing.

  • Grandmuffti knows he’s a bastard, TM. It’s cool. He would change his name but, well, he’s grown kind of attachted to it. And for the record, the extra ‘f’ was sort of a Muffti-ck joint idea.

    Muffti is glad to see that things have returned to boobs. CK, you should post a mardi gras pic…

  • The sheer prospect of imagining Muffti and CK at Mardi Gras strikes fear in the heart of this NJG…

    “Dogs and cats; living together…mass hysteria!”

  • Don’t worry, Esther. Muffti represented sans ck so all was well. Next year, however…

  • Laya: Uh… No. Maybe the guy that registered Jewlicious.net and Jewlicious.org however might wanna register that.

  • Gotta take you to task on these comments, Laya:

    “Maybe I suffer from a bit of nuptial induced social-anxiety disorder. Maybe it taps into my own fear of commitment . . . “

    While I applaud your astute insight into yourself, might you come up with other ways to handle these feelings, other than anesthesizing them at the open bar? Alcohol makes a great bandaid, but it isn’t the solution to the fear of commitment.

  • Muffti might suggest that fear of commitment isn’t a problem: it’s a blessing. Committing do to fear of being alone: now THAT’S a problem.

  • I’m with GrandMuffti on this one. I think commitmentphobia is a blessing. Helps you see things with more clarity than you would if you fell for everyone you meet.

  • Janice, are you telling me that alcohol WON’T solve life’s problems? Well, drugs it is then.

    muffti, dina, when we’re done reassuring ourselves that we’re better off (we might be), perhaps we’ll admit that fears on either side probably do affect your life and vision in a less-than-healthy way.

    My commitment-phobia, for instance has bled out into my life to the point that taking a cart in a supermarket or buying the bigger jar of jam feels like too much commitment (what if i decide i don’t like rasberry flavor in a month and i’m stuck with this whole big jar? i wish i was kidding, ask ck).

    Steg, you know Sara Henna? Ain’t she the cutest? Mazel tov, mazel tov!

  • I think alcohol is more than just a band-aid, although it’s not the solution to all problems either.

    [Esther returns to her own blog, to ascend soapbox. Post to come shortly.]

  • Actually, alcohol can aid in commitment if it’s not consumed in a slobbery, uncouth manner. Perhaps Muffti can agree with me on this.

    Is see a great strategy for you Laya to overcome some of your commitment fears — practice choosing shampoos, conditioners and toothpastes amid all of the possibilities. You may indeed see progress, and we can all eventually dance at your wedding!

  • Laya,

    From one CP to another, and a practicing shrink from 9-5, I recommend this.

    Forget Lerner’s the Dance of Intimacy, or all of that hooey new age love shit, this guy’s got the whole marriage/relationship thing covered. It ain’t easy reading, and it’ll challenge many of your assumptions, but you’ll learn stuff.

    And no, it hasn’t turned my relationship into a piece of cake. But it sure explains the rough patches, and as we like to say in the biz, awareness is 50% of the battle.

  • Muffti agrees with Janice, but he’s not sure what’s wrong with slobbery, uncouth sort of drinking. C’mon Janice, let’s get slobbery and uncouthly drunk together. You know you want to.

    And let Muffti announce that he now loves Janice. He has never seen anyone advise someone else to shop for toiletries drunk. Especially not for therapeutic reasons. That is, well, one of the coolest things Muffti has ever seen.

  • shtreimel, that book is for married people. You say you’re a shrink from 9-5, so recommend a book from your library that’s really going to help her.

    Laya has to overcome her fear of commitment so that she can get married. And she’ll invite both of us to her wedding.

  • Janice, Shtreimel,
    I appreciate the well meaning advice and all, but really, its cool.
    I don’t particularly want to get married right now, though i’m resigned to the fact that someday it WILL most likely happen.
    For now, I’ll just work on those shampoos.

  • Janice,

    Have you read the book? It clearly states in the first chapter that single types, those dating, etc., can benefit from issues such as differentiation, etc. The title is very misleading.

  • “Janice, your emphasis on the urgency that Laya needs to get married is positively frightening.”

    I agree. And you get the same sort of stuff at Aish.

  • True Dina. We are indeed on the first page of search results for shomer negiah. Click here for the link. I don’t know what it means mind you, but as long as we’re not on the first page of search results for, I dunno, eating bacon or uh… marrying non-jews, then I guess we’re safe. I hope.

  • I just want to say that Jewish Boobies needs its own websitel. Its a crying shame that a serach for jewish boobies on the internet gives you a non-porn site!

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