Hello. I am single.Muffti is always amazed at the meaningless statistics that are ‘newsworthy’. Of course this will confirm what many of you already thought, so you’ll believe it. And it goes against what Muffti thinks, so he’ll find problems with it. Anyhow…

An anonymous phone-in centre named ERAN turned overs statistics about their callers, who typically claim to suffer depression. ERAN received nearly 140,000 callers* of which 73% claimed to be unmarried, while 61% were women. Many apparently called seeking relief from severe loneliness. All of which is very sad, of course.

The statistics were made public for Tuesday’s National Depression Awareness Day. Depression, according to Psagot Institute for mental disorders, costs Israel some NIS 3 billion annually.

*Jpost says ‘people’, but Muffti isn’t sure if they mean distinct people or just callers. Obviously the number of callers need not equal the number of different people who called.

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  • I can shed some light- that figure is more likely to be number of calls than number of callers, and likely includes repeat callers. Having said that, ERAN is THE Mental Health and Depression Hotline serving the whole of Israel- considering how the whole country is suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, only 140,000 is pretty impressive!

  • Many singles concientiously chose to postpone marriage, mostly in the MO world. They wanted to have a career and then a carfree existence on the UWS or in Jerusalem, (Friday Jazz club in the afternoon at Pargod). Now they are sorry. Well we have at Aish many ways to introduce them to very hot singles. Send them to us at Aish.

  • You handcuff them to their chairs, make them listen to rabbis with strong North American accents and force them to eat dog food until they consent to marry the person sitting next to them being force fed the cat food?

  • Jsirpicco can tell you why people aren’t getting married – on his blog – jsirpicco.blogspot.com (wish I knew how to hyper link) and it’s the answers for both secular and MOs…BUT BUT BUT I strongly disagree with Ricker Aish – having seen some Aish events – and they are cool, I’m a friend of them – I STRONGLY DISAGREE DO NOT SEND MOs to Aish events!!!!! Aish is for people coming from the outside in – not people who are on the inside desperately seeking to get OUT…And yes, my MO blogger buddies, that is exactly what MOs generally are like…(except, I guess, the “modern orthodox machmir on frumster… contradiction in terms!) so

    NO NO NO NO …instead. MOs should concentrate on the same thing secular people need to concentrate on in order to get married…which is…. (located at my blog!)

  • Muffti’s title would be better stated as:

    Muffti Guesses Being Single Sucks for Some…
    And the rest are lying that they’re happier that way (at least the 35 & up crowd)

  • Being single isn’t what sucks. It’s the dating.

    And as for the Aish events I’ve been to, instead of the word “hot” I’d choose the word “not.” Met a great guy at Aish. Smart, funny, a writer. He took my number, even. But a call? Too much commitment apparently. Men are lame. Ergo depression. See?

    BTW, is anyone else getting a feeling that jsiripicco wants us to visit his blog??

  • Yo! Esther…yes, you’re right…jsirpicco is NOT ABOVE blatant self-promotion…this is the 21st century, girl! Meanwhile, re: Aish and the guy….well, in MY UNDERCOVER experience (no pun, please) you are right…guys are kind of lame…but it isn’t JUST at Aish…it’s the disease of our Peoplehood! Plus the girls, well, they have their issues, too…..

  • Forget about the ills of singlehood, is it just me or is it getting HOTTER, and HOTTER, and HOTTER with each summer. It’s late April and it’s pretty hot in Vancouver. Some folks in TO told me they’ve been getting summer-like weather this past week. Better hook up quick folks before we’re all cooking like wieners in a campfire.

  • I think most of the people who are single are that way because;
    A. They like it that way.
    B. They’re too picky.
    C. They’re too lazy to get out there and find someone.

  • I’m single and I honestly can say I am not particularly worried about when I will get married. I think far too many people do it for the wrong reasons or fear they won’t find anything better so they settle (I have at least 5 friends who were divorced before the age of 30). I am far from depressed about being single… in fact it’s been some of the best years of my life. I will give it for the right guy when the time comes…. until then I will revel in my singledom and freedom. 🙂

  • Errr…Ricker, you said:

    Well we have at Aish many ways to introduce them to very hot singles.

    Muffti couldn’t help shake the feeling that that sounded ominously like the old spy agency line:

    Vee have vayz of making you talk…

  • We have the benefit of years of successful marketing experience, that tells us what works and what does not work. If you have ever been to a singles event, the biggest issue is firstly to get people to talk, to connect, to develop a chemistry.
    At the end of the evening, they should mutually decide if they want to continue the relationship. This is what mature people do.

    The main drawback to staying single is that you are not having and raising children, and you are not experiencing the security of a committed lifetime relationship.

  • Umm, Muffti’s not wrong on that point.

    And as to Aish’s methods, I do grudgingly admit that some of their events have been slightly less embarrassing and awkward than other NYC singles events. Plus, they wrote the non-literal book on speed dating, which is a phenom now. (Just because it didn’t work for me doesn’t mean it’s totally worthless…)

  • There is a law in marketing that given a group of people, some percentage will buy into whatever you are selling. Doesn’t matter what the topic is, love, dating, sex, religion, what have you.
    There is a dynamic that affects some people some of the time.
    A college professor once illustrated this. He was offering to sell his textbook for less than the price in the college bookstore. People started to bid on it, to the point where the ‘winner’ paid more than the price in the college bookstore. This is a social dynamic, which can not always be explained.
    When dealing w/ marketing, you only want your 6% return. This is the standard. Everything else is gravy.
    This I am telling you for free. You can apply it to anything.

  • So, I should sell myself for a lower price and I’d end up with a higher bidder?

    Maybe I just need more sleep, but I’m not really sure what the Ricker is saying…

  • Formula for finding a guy, esther and all single girls out there…Listen up, cuz jsirpicco knows what he’s talking about:

    1) lose some weight and look attractive, not slutty
    2) learn to bat your eyes when a guy tells you some stupid thing about his life – be on his page, girl
    3) figure out what kind of guy would make you happy – rather than, a string of adjectives starting with: Must be…

    okay…for the guys:

    1) Get a job, stupidos! Jsirpicco learned a long time ago…girls don’t marry writers, creative types, poets, etc. unless there’s some income there – yes, income equals responsibility, so get job….be responsible, be a mench, duh! (just don’t become a career obsessed monster….)
    2) Don’t be a jerk. Call her back.
    3) Figure out what you stand for in this life. Get confident about what you’re competent at – then you have something to offer someone….no girl is going to kiss you and turn you from a frog into a prince…ya gotta do that yourself.

    And for both: Yes, you know what, Ricker Aish is right on this point: go to Aish events – they are WAY better than the other Jewish singles stuff I’ve been to, which make me sick and throw me into acid flashbacks of Hebrew school and USY…and OMG I want to die walking in…..so if you’re in a city where there are tons of tribal singles crawling around – what, nYC, LA, WAsh? Miami? And there’s an Aish there, try it…at least they kind of get it….okay so they push the Torah just a wee bit more than I’d like them too, but from what I’ve seen, they’ve been there and done that…and if you’re not so full of issues that you can’t walk straight, then it’s no big thang!

  • You had me until the word “formula,” and then you lost me. There is no formula, because it’s not math or even science (despite the chemistry issue). It has to do with two people, their thoughts, ideas, pheromones, goals, moods, baggage etc. Not every woman is the same, and not every man is the same. In dating, there’s an endless number of factors at play.

    You fare slightly better with your advice to guys. But your advice to girls? I’ll give you #3: women can be too adamant about their “requirements.” But so can men.

    Oh, you want an example? Try your #s 1 and 2. Lose weight and toe the subjective line between what you gents call “attractive” and what you call “slutty”? (Is that “showing leg” but no cleavage? Lipstick but no gloss?) Nod your heads in feigned interest? For how long? (Till the end of the date, when my head explodes from the boredom? Or until our tenth wedding anniversary, when I grab a shotgun and end it all for both of us?)

    One out of three ain’t bad. It still ain’t good, though. And I stand by my earlier premise. There are no rules of play. No handbook. No magic words. And no formulas.

  • I have seen many ‘slutty’ looking women who are married. U would be amazed at what you see at say the Homowack. I have seen scholarly looking Rabbi type men w/ waves w/ long blond hair and tight tight short thin material dresses. It was quite a sight.
    Really the problem is the singles are too picky. I set guys up w/ attractive Jewlicous women and they tell not pretty enough.
    If I weren’t married then I would jump all over these women, they are hot believe me. I don’t understand the single man mentallity. They are holding out for someone that they can consider better.

  • At Aish we have now partnered w/ many date sites and Shadchanim. we are able to separate the wheat from the chaff that way. We pair people up based on physical appearance and attributes, as well as intellectual and spiritual compatibilities.

  • Esther Esther Esther….hate to tell you something you don’t want to hear (and from your writing, probably don’t need – you “write thin” 🙂 ) But you CANNOT IMAGINE HOW IMPORTANT IT is for guys that the girl is not heavy…..I wish I could say it weren’t so, but it is. I know, because jsirpicco is on the streets, talking to guys where they are…doesnt’ make them superficial – necessarily, though it could be a sign…. Girls gotta know this. It may hurt to hear it, may be frustrating to hear it but it is the truth. Men? Back me up here, dudes…or are you all afraid???

    Also: Re dressing “attractively, but not slutty” – I think girls know the line…not going to get into particulars…but an example would be – did you ever see “Stranger Among Us?” should be jewlicious film blast from the past…Melanie Griffith is an undercover cop that has to pretend to be a baalas teshuva…she usually dresses slutty, then she has to dress “attractively,” and all the guys in her office take notice guess when…..

    Alternatively, think ivory girl, okay?

    meanwhile…the formula word isn’t about how to like the person across the table from you….the formula is how to get yourself to the point where you can say yes to the right one….

    And re: batting eyes…well…guys just like to know that the girl they’re thinking about marrying actually gives a darn about what they’re talking about….that’s all…more later at jsirpicco.blogspot.com 🙂

  • Oh, please, jsirpicco. Muffti hasn’t had a job in years and his luck with the fairer sex has been fine! It’s only total nutbars (sorry, that was rude, Muffti meant) rambling lunatics (oops that was rude too, Muffti meant) guys who lack game that have to compensate with a job to get their chiquitas.

    Jus’ kidding J. Your blog is kewl, if a little ranty. If I hear the word “shechina” one more time I’ll hurt someone bad! Too funny, dude.

  • Yeah, it’s a good thing we’re not too ranty, or loquacious, for that matter, on Jewlicious.

  • Hey jsirpicco,

    You’re a bit of a jerk. But I’ll school ya, ok?

    “1) lose some weight and look attractive, not slutty”

    Here’s a clue for you: there’s a lid for every teapot son. I have no doubt that there’s someone, somewhere who’ll look at your kisser, read your blog, listen to your wonky dating advice and think: LOSER!

    “2) learn to bat your eyes when a guy tells you some stupid thing about his life – be on his page, girl”

    Ok, this must be a joke, right? If it is, you got me…you got me good.

    “Jsirpicco learned a long time ago…girls don’t marry writers, creative types, poets, etc. ”

    Funny, because all of my artistic friends do quite well with the ladies (Hell, I’m dating a Dr…and I’m a guitar player).

    It just might be you dude…it just might be you.

    “2) Don’t be a jerk. Call her back.”

    Don’t forget these gems:
    a) Don’t forget to breathe on the first date
    b) Fill up your car with gas
    c) And brush your teeth

    Sheesh. No wonder there’s so many single men.

  • “And re: batting eyes…well…guys just like to know that the girl they’re thinking about marrying actually gives a darn about what they’re talking about”


    If your dates are batting their eyes, it’s probably because they’re trying to keep themselves awake from listening to such asinine advice as the one mentioned above.

    Now take note…

    Some guys like a big butt
    Some don’t
    Some girls like a chatty man
    Some don’t
    Some guys like a huge boobs
    Other’s like to have a chest larger than their lady

    For the love of God Almighty, if you have teen girls, please…please have someone else tell them about the bird and the bees. Cuz if you don’t, I have a funny feeling I’ll be charging you appx. $120/hour to undo what you did.

  • “Till the end of the date, when my head explodes from the boredom? Or until our tenth wedding anniversary, when I grab a shotgun and end it all for both of us?”

    Esther…you may be single…but you’re a friggin’ WITTY and FUNNY single.

  • Not feeling the love, guys and gals. Not feeling the love.
    I love when a bunch of people, single, thinking they know what life’s all about, tell MOI, Jsirpicco what they think is up.

    And dude, streimel or TM or whoever it is…if you’re trying to tell me that it ain’t important for a girl NOT TO BE FAT in this day and age -the you are lying to impress the ladies…

    NOTE: I did not say she had to be super thin. I think I said, NOT HEAVY,,,, and even though you can scroll up and say, NO YOU SAID THIN…. well, so be it… since when is good advice to look attractive, be basically warm to the person you’re dating and, for the guys have a job and call her back big time controversy or stupid advice…

    Yes, the three of you can also rant and rave on this blog – guess it passes for a social life, after all (and, what, exactly is jsirpicco doing here?)…but I’m telling you: Talk some girl over 35 – yes despite the lies about being happy and single forever – or some guy hitting 40 and you’ll see –

    to paraphrase: Bitter, dumb and clueless is no way to go through life! (and yes, my blog is supposed to be a “little ranty” because look who I have to deal with out there all the time! Yous guys! 🙂 (see I put the smile in so you know it’s a bit of shtick there, too…lets’ not go nuclear people)

    And Esther, gosh, as above: just not feeling the love. Why the bitter ripostes?

  • “not feeling the love”

    Your post wasn’t just insulting, it was incorrect. So it ain’t that I don’t love ya, I just don’t respect ya. You’ve said nothing that:

    a) Isn’t obvious…I mean, WAY too obvious
    b) Insulting
    c) wrong

    And like Ike’s ex once said:

    “What’s love got to do with it?”

  • gosh shtreim, we’re a bit hostile tonight, aren’t we?
    I don’t think kibbutzing in good fun can be called “insulting” – I never made this personal! Where’s the MODERATOR???? I’m being picked on and my feelings hurt by shtreimel, gosh you
    jbloggers are tough! Mean, too. How is that in the spirit of Pesach unity….I thought we were allowed to voice opinions…not just take pot shots…

    Well, jsirpicco is undercover, after all, so I’ll just have to put on my bullet proof vest and keep at it!

  • Sigh.

    I can’t do a point-by-point response to Jsirpicco, because I’ve been cleaning for Pesach for four days and am still not ready. Eyn li koach. I’m about to cry as it is, and then I tune in here to learn that if I don’t adhere to Jsirp’s guidelines, then I’m doomed (with my zaftig sisters) to a lonely, single life until the end of days because we don’t understand how much men prize external beauty. (Because we’ve never felt the effects of that before…) So thank you for that thought as I go into a three-day yom tov with my parents.

    By your logic, every woman who didn’t fit (intentional word use) your parameters for “not heavy” would never marry, never find a man capable of looking beyond society’s parameters for beauty and seeing a whole beautiful person, of which looks is one important, but ultimately ephemeral part. I have friends who are heavy and married, who are skinny and single, and everywhere in between.

    I think Shtreimel’s spot on about this whole issue being one of respect. If the theoretical I doesn’t feel that you respect the theoretical me, then why should I respect your opinion, especially if it insults me or fills me with a mounting sense of desperation? What service or mitzvah have you performed then? Disrespect gorerret (causes) more disrespect.

    To paraphrase one of your earlier comments: I love it when a married person thinks he knows what it’s like to be me.

    But Pesach is when we celebrate freedom and opportunities. So I just want to wish you all a sweet Passover, and hope that however you spend the holiday is meaningful.

    Personally, I’ll be bingeing and purging so that someday I’ll be “not heavy” enough to be worthy of a man who will graciously agree marry me after I’ve feigned interest at enough of his boring stories. (Where’s a sarcasm emoticon when you really need one?)

    Seriously, let’s try to let the hostility go. I’ll try if you will.

    (Shtreim, thanks for the vote of confidence.)

    Chag sameach, everyone.

  • “that someday I’ll be “not heavy” enough to be worthy of a man who will graciously agree marry me after I’ve feigned interest at enough of his boring stories.”

    Damn it Esther, you weren’t taking notes. BAT THOSE DAMN EYES!!!!

    By the way…who the hell is Shtreim? I’m Shtreimel baby…100% 13 fur pelt cuddly goodness. Ah yeah!

  • so then, why don’t the two of YOU try getting together…Shtreimel and Esther, huh?

    Look, these blogs are where people SAY IT! just like the little sign says…

    I know you’re tired and cleaning and about to go into Pesach, Esther, and Shtreimel, I actually, don’t know what your “thing” is yet, except that you don’t like me very much, but that’s cool, I can handle..

    Back to Esther: look – in person – no one is going to say some of the things I say on the blog, because, well, because you can’t.
    Does it mean that if a person is overweight she can’t get married? Of course not…I’m just talking basic hishtadlus.
    sometimes that’s just the way it is…and that’s what a blog is for, for hearing things that people cant’ really say out loud…and even though you’re not going to believe me when I say it…(well, actually, the first part you WILL belieive) i.e. I was single for a LONG TIME>..and no, not because I’m a jerk. Jsirpicco in person is actually a nice guy…but forgetting that….point being

    i was single for LONG time and I DO GET IT…I’m undercover, guys…know what that means? Means I’m working with people in this situation ALL THE TIME, as in 24-7 (yeah, more than 24-6)

    so even though Shtreimel will bash me to spare your feelings…and who knows, maybe your’e weight is fine, what do I know…after all, the “formula” wasn’t pointing directly at you, Esther…it was a “generalization” sometimes generalizations are good, they help you clarify things…but we “pasken” by the “Rove” and the Rove of this generation (of guys) prefers women to have certain characteristics…just like the other way around for the girls….

    so basic hishtadlus says, okay, gotta get basically in the zone…and it doesn’t mean beating yourself up, blowing self esteem all that stuff…it means a basic, small effort…and hashem will do the rest…and weight is just a symbol of it all. OF COURSE the inside is MUCH more important…what, you think jsirp ( I like that!) don’t know that??????

    But if the guy doesn’t like the color of the car, he won’t take the test drive…

    meanwhile….if you think I’m wrong…check out the FFB NYC shidduchim scene, where girls are forced into being anorexic because the MOTHERS of the guys demand too much “external”…

    Okay okay….I’m talking too much…I should just go blog…
    but gotta help with Pesach stuff
    jsirpicco.blogspot.com over and out!

  • “I don’t think kibbutzing in good fun can be called “insulting””

    Please show me:

    “lose some weight and look attractive”
    “But you CANNOT IMAGINE HOW IMPORTANT IT is for guys that the girl is not heavy”

    …where the punch-line is?

    I work with young adolescent girls who fucking slice up their arms, binge and purge because we keep asking girls to “lose some weight” and you’ll be loved, etc. etc. Hey Jsirpicco, you know I want in a girl…I want her to be healthy. Finished. Not stick skinny, and not overweight can’t-climb-a-flight-of-stairs fat.

    “Jsirpicco learned a long time ago…girls don’t marry writers, creative types, poets, etc. unless there’s some income there”

    Hilarious. So the joke is that Jews that stay true to their creative passion are unlovable. Hmmm, I’ve never felt that vibe in the Jewish community. Holy shit, how many of my friends ended up in Law jobs that they hate due to that belief i.e. No Jewish girl will love me if I follow my passions, interests, hobbies. Sad….sad.

    Jsirpicco, wanna help? Encourage singles to follow their bliss, and the rest will follow. And yes, love too.

  • okay, so I see one of us will have to stop soon, shtreimel, andit’s going to be me, cuz I can’t take how you take things out of context….

    Yes, healthy. Never said not, despite you’re wanting to take me out of context and insist that I’m advocating girls go nuts binging and purging…excuse me, I thought i was addressing basically healthy people on the blog…but I see…hmmmm

    Next: re: who girls marry and all that…look…it’s great to follow your dreams ( I DID! but I’m not going to tell you what) But I’m also here to tell you that responsiblity is what counts…usually that’s a job…didn’t say go be a lawyer to please MOMMY…

    Oh, and by the way. I did encourage singles to follow their bliss, I said. Guys have to Stand or Something…(and if I didn’t say it, well, it’s on my blog and I do say it now…) That’s the same thing as following one’s “bliss…”

    But I see from all this, that you’re gonna think what you want to think, you’re gonna be hostile when you don’t have to be…and you’re gonna take things out of context to prove how morally righteous you are and all that….fine. You win.

  • I can’t believe this but I completely agree with Shtreimel on this one. I guess you’re not the devil afterall…

  • Don’t back down, Tiff. The devil will use many disguises to fool you…

  • Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking…He’s clearly still the devil. It must be anticipation of that no beer for a whole week thingie that’s dumbing me down or something. Took a while but I’m back to myself, you know, all beer all the time comments. So not old yet!

  • Oy, Shtremiel, Muffti would not flirt with CK’s youngest sister. Not unless he owned a gun and was ready to cut down one of his closest friends.