Because I write so much about singles stuff, it seems that everyone–single, married, divorced, old, young, religious, secular, men and women and everyone else who fits other unlisted categories–has an opinion to share. Occasionally, I get a piece of “fan” mail that’s worth sharing (total text reproduced verbatim and unedited for full effect):

I read your column, as in the current Jewish Week for example, and while I find it deals with the topic in an adlescent way, I want to tell you that you have real talent/skill as a writer, a flair for expressing the written word. Topic notwithstanding.
I’m not sure why people already in their 20’s and even 30’s are not just getting married and having families – instead are going through the high school crushes, “non-dating” dating, having “friends”, etc. But that’s beside the point. Your writing is terrific.

To review:
1) My writing deals with the topic (in this case, “non-dating”) in an “adlescent” way, but I have “flair.” No quicker way to win my approval than the one-two compliment-insult combination.
2) Hey look, it’s our favorite topic: why don’t people in their 20s and 30s just get married and procreate already? Because it’s that simple.
3) He likes my writing. (I like that ending.)

Just like us: demented and sad, but socialTo address Point #2: Is it true that all of us are acting like a bunch of adolescents at summer camp or in high school? Or are crushes and infatuation part of the process of discovering yourself and others, no matter what age you are?

And just for fun, ever wonder which Brat Packer/80s movie character you are? I already had a strong suspicion. But if you’d like to “get tested,” feel free.

About the author

Esther Kustanowitz

For more posts by Esther, see EstherK.com, MyUrbanKvetch.com and JDatersAnonymous.com.

12 Comments

  • esther, i agree with you (and your “fan”) that your writing rocks. screw that “adolescent” comment, is what i say, or at least, its delivery. still, tho’ — IMHO, most of the jewish dating stories i’ve heard from my single pals and gals in America these days make it sound like, for so many people (not everyone, but for so many), dating really is an exercise in prolonging the whole crush/infatuation mentality from high school. that is, unless you are dating under the auspices of the whole shomer-negia/shadchan institution, which doesn’t really work unless you are committed to being creative and spontaneous with it, which ain’t easy. FWIW, in my case as a ba’al teshuva who dated (and eventually married) under the guidelines of the aforementioned “shomer-negia/shadchan” path in israel, i must say that not gettin’ wit (or even casually touching) my future wife while we dated was probably so much sexier and enticing of a dating methodology than the alternative (having done the alternative for so many years), and really allowed us to think creatively about how to become closer/intimate with each other, which thank G-d we have been able to take into our marriage. but i think that all of the struggles you represent through your writing, whether they are yours or those of other yidden, are 100% legit, and i applaud and salute your willingness to take on the challenge of writing about things that are closest to your heart, and of giving others a voice/platform for their questions/longings/frustrations, all while remaining totally jewlicious! cheers hon!

  • Doh! I was blatantly the Ferris Beulah character at my school yet I came up ‘a piece of skirt’ (I dig the gender change)

    I hate to point something out but Iรขโ‚ฌโ„ขm English and I know you our cousins across the pond have slight spelling differences – but since when does someone who ‘likes writing’ spell adolescent ‘adlescent’ I know its splitting hairs but if a fan is going to criticise your column at least get your spelling right!

    kvetch kvetch kvetch (Im having a bad day)

  • No doubt I would be John Bender – Judd Nelson. However it would have to be Junior High 10 years back from the mid,late eighties, Breakfast Club era for me. That would put me in the Mid late 70’s. I was in a few of those type of sessions. In High School and College I got to be a much more quiet kid. I didn’t get into trouble with school or authority after that. Even though I was in College at the time Breakfast Club came out, I do remember liking the movie in the theatre and having seen it a few times since. BH’

  • Did the little quiz and I am Allison… being an alcholic finally paid off!!

    As for the dating scene… don’t even get me started. Not only can I not find a nice Jewish boy… I can’t a nice boy at all!!
    Mercifully I am not one of those girls who has been planning her wedding since she was 6, but still… it might be nice to have someone around one day.

  • I dont recall character names in 16 candles. Molly Wingwald was in it; thats all I remember. I saw the movie when it came out, but I don’t remember being touched by it like Breakast Club. It must have been since it was a “Chick flick.”

  • Mollywald as Claire in Breakfast Club and Samantha in Sixteen Candles is very pretty. The red hair is something to behold. Ally Sheedy as Allison is cute and darling. Alison is my favorite character in that Movie, cute shebe cute. Sometimes I like pretty, but I tend to more comfortable cute. In my intense school days I wouldn’t talk to popular girls like Claire. Girls like Alison were my favorites. I suppose if I was stuck in a place like the “Breakfast Club” I may have done as John Bender – Judd Nelson did.

  • p.s. i was so “wyatt” from Weird Science, it’s not even funny… if only i’d had that wicked 1200 baud modem that he had back in the day, i woulda been cracking those skull-and-crossbones-protected secret government files and makin’ myself kelly lebrocks left and right! no doubt!

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