This story wouldn’t be all that noteworthy but for our last report on a contest where a 12 year old arab Rami Watid annihilated the competition in a quiz contest about Israel. Well, watch out Rami because we’re takin’ the power back as 17 Ben (Chaim) Kandel from St Louis came in first place in the Diaspora Bible Quiz, which took place yesterday in Sderot. Apparently he studied for about a year and a half and had the following immortal words for the press:

I was hoping that I would win, but I wasn’t sure until the end.

Indeed! Apparently the victory comes with a prestigious prize: a scholarship to study at the Jerusalem College of Technology. Nicely done, Chaim.

Second place went to a Canadian named Joshua Gutenberg, age 17. Third was some-french-chick-who-no-doubt-suffers-daily-existential-crises that kept her out of first. Just kidding! Tzviya Cohen, 16 captured the less glamorous but still not too shabby third place out of 65 contestants. All three are officially Jewlicious. Now, if any of them can beat smart-ass-know-it-all Rami, we’re back in the saddle.

Years ago, during more jewlicious times, Muffti entered a national bible competition. He was only 13. He came in fourth.

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  • For some reason, I was never in a Bible competition. But I came in second in a sixth-grade Brakha bee (no, there were no questions about CK’s mother) and first in a fifth-grade Greek mythology bee. Says volumes about yeshiva education in America…

  • The only first place I ever won was for the First Annual Hunter Hillel Bake-Off. And I only had one competitor! But still, that’s something!!!

  • Years ago, The Middle also entered the national bible contest and came in eighth. But The Middle had been a bad boy and didn’t quite study until the final week when he finally cracked open the bible and read it…once. The girl who won it was Orthodox and years later, married at a young age and has had quite a few babies. One wonders whether she could have been a fine biblical scholar if she weren’t, uh, you know, a woman.

  • Or did I come in 13th place? I can’t recall anymore. I think it was eighth. Damn, I’m old.

  • Thanks, Jessica. Muffti thinks that it was the roots of his atheism that held him back. Oh well…

  • you’re welcome muffti. if only there was “Rugrat’s Passover” when we were children… then maybe, just maybe you would’ve gotten to third place.

  • Maybe. Actually, Muffti’s mom (whose brain apparently is not idled by years of abuse) informs him that he indeed did come in 3rd at the chidon ha’tanach. First place, however, remained elusive ’til this day.

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