Since I was a Jawa-sized Jewess, growing up in New Jersey and attending Jewish schools, I have been drawn to the mythology of Star Wars. I saw all three movies (because then, we knew them as a three-movie deal instead of three parts of a nine-part series, three parts of which would never be developed, and the other three parts of which would be prequels that explained stuff that we already knew about the lore of the Star Wars Universe) in the theater (1977, 1980, 1983). My little brother started collecting all those Kenner action figures, our family got a VCR and taped Star Wars off TV, and our education truly began.
Memorizing the movie was much easier than we’d thought. “Luke, we’re gonna have company…” “TK421, do you copy?” “Into the garbage chute, flyboy…””I’ve got a bad feeling about this…” “You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy…” “I have the death sentence on twelve systems…” Honestly, I wasn’t even sure what that last sentence meant…if he had the death sentence on twelve systems, how was he still in a bar at Mos Eisley? But I dismissed the logic and embraced the magic. How many times did I see “Episode IV”? I stopped counting after 50. (That’s right. 50.)
But more disturbingly, at some point, I became convinced that the Force had given me the power to control people’s minds. Of course, Ben Kenobi, being a Jedi knight, could control Stormtroopers’ minds and get immediate results. Because I am not a Jedi, I lack the necessary midichlorians to master mind control. And because the people I surround myself with are less gullible than faceless, white-armored automatons, I developed “stealth mind control.”
For instance, there was the time when I was 16 and majorly in crush with my best friend. I told him how I felt, and he shot me down. After four short years, he made an announcement: he liked me back! As I got older, I got better, and the lag time decreased…about two years ago, I decided I really wanted to write a singles column for the Jewish Week. I pitched the column, and the editor turned me down. Seven months later, I got a call: they wanted to restart the singles column…would I be interested in submitting? Cut to today, and I’ve been writing the column for over a year. See? Stealth mind control. The Force was with me. It was just slightly delayed.
Read the rest of the article at My Urban Kvetch.