Since time immemorial, we, the Jewish people, have suffered persecution at the hands of anti-Semites. But in today’s day and age, we have become comfortable–complacent, even–in our circumstances. Still, isn’t it about time we managed to finally answer the age-old question: Who would save more Jews? Ben Affleck, or Matt Damon?

It could just be tonight’s viewing of Team America: World Police (“Matt Damon!” plus, that “I Miss You” song…), but I’m fighting a WTF here.

But wait! There’s more. It doesn’t end with Matt and Ben:

Send in your Celebrity Savior pairings and we will test their philo-semitic tendencies before the American Public. If you have a pairing that you have ever wondered “which one would be more likely to “Save Silverman”?” just email it in and our assistant will post it. Email [email protected]

Umm, okay.

About the author

Esther Kustanowitz

For more posts by Esther, see, and


  • the voting is so influenced by the picture they choose. Ben Affleck wrote anti-persecution essays in high school, he’d totally save more jews. totally.

  • I think that both of those pictures look strange. There’s no way that’s Ben’s chest. And Matt’s face looks bizarro. I’m still not sure what the point is.

  • When I was younger, and Ben Affleck was still hot (I think he was dating Gwenyth Paltrow about then), I was convinced he was Jewish. There’s this house out in the middle of these woods next door to my house and only an old lady lives there. So, of course, to me she was Ben Affleck’s grandmother and one day he was going to be visiting and baking cookies with her and then stop by to borrow some sugar. But it never happened.