This Onion-worthy news comes to us from D.B. Cooper.
JERUSALEM, don’t expect a country name here (AP) â€“ Following the recent ban on orange bracelets and Hindus, the Israeli government has decided to take it a step further by announcing a ban on the sale of oranges. According to government officials, the move is intended to curb the burgeoning anti-disengagement movement which is represented by the fruit’s eponymous hue…
Effective August 1, the ban will also cover tangerines, clementines and navels. Grocery stores, supermarkets and other retailers violating the ban will face hefty fines and possible misdemeanor charges. The government will now view all those who purchase the delicious citrus as a subversive fifth column who must be dealt with harshly.
Much like the Disengagement plan, the government’s new decision is received with an analogous level of contention. The differences in public opinion reflect the deep divisions endemic in Israeli society today.
â€œAlthough it will hurt my business, I will throw my support behind any decision that will hasten the expulsion of Jews from Gaza,â€ said Ahmed Jalili, an Israeli-Arab who owns a fruit stand in Jaffa. â€œAs the old Arab maxim goes: â€˜When in doubt, kick â€˜em out!’â€
Similar sentiments were shared by Liora Steinberg, a student activist at Haifa University.
â€œI doggedly hold by a belief in free choice and civil liberties, so my gut reaction would be to oppose this government’s latest draconian decree,â€ she stated. â€œHowever, I’m all for any move that will screw over the settlers. Oh, how I loathe those little Eichmanns!â€…
â€œSharon’s latest decree is as untenable as his morally repugnant plot to expel 10,000 Jews from their homes,â€ exclaimed Marzel during a brief respite from his frantic consumption of a 10kg bag of Jaffa oranges at one of several orange solidarity demonstrations being held across the nation.
The government is also mulling a ban on carrots, yams, Dina Pirutinksy’s renowned sweet potato soup, Orange cellular provider, orange cones used by highway maintenance crews, orange post-it notes and perhaps even sunsets.
Read the whole, hilarious thing on Punks of Zion.