Beckham is a Jew!Score one goal for the pamphlet of Jewish sport heroes, and inscribe a new name on the list of Jewish hotties: soccer icon David Beckham is a member of the tribe.

Turns out, his mom’s Jewish. So when Becks found out, he did what any new Jew does. He went to enroll in a seminary to learn more about his Jewish roots and gave extensively to tzedakah got a new tattoo.

The old tattoo, still present splayed across his chest, is of a cross. Hmm. How to get around that? Everyone knows the cure for a cross on the chest is a verse from Shir Hashirim on your left forearm…

“I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me,” reads the Song of Songs tattoo that Becks sports instead of tefillin. And not to be outdone in poshness:

Beckham’s wife, former Spice Girl Victoria Adams, was so moved by her husband’s gesture that she decided to tattoo the same verse on the back of her neck.

But seriously, why are we surprised that he’s Jewish? I mean, look at the evidence:

1) His name is David. (Proof enough.)
2) He has a son named after “the old country” (Brooklyn).
3) A devoted father, he carries pictures of his wife and sons with him (OK, so they’re tattoos on his back, but still..)
4) His other tattooes include “the number seven in Roman numerals (seven being a mystical number, as we all know), a guardian angel across his back and a Michelangelo angel on his right arm” (at this rate, they guy’s like a walking verse of “Shalom Aleichem”).

OK, so it is possible that he had an affair with his nanny (which would be very Fran Drescher, and therefore Jewish, of her). No one said he’s a nice Jewish boy. But he is nice to look at. And apparently a Jewish athlete to be emulated, at least on the soccer field.

Besides, I heard this rumor this week that Jewish men are hot.

About the author

Esther Kustanowitz

For more posts by Esther, see EstherK.com, MyUrbanKvetch.com and JDatersAnonymous.com.

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