BarfWhat the hell? Is it open season on Jewish men again? I mean first we have that Kristina Grish woman causing shiksas far and wide to salivate at the thought of a uh… little Hebrew Hammer in between the sheets and now we have that union being enshrined by the most potent exemplar of our cultural zeitgeist – a full page full color ad for Bongo Jeans to appear in September issues of magazines such as Seventeen, Elle Girl and Rolling Stone.

What am I talking about? I’m talking about Paris Hilton’s gal pal Nicole Richie appearing in an ad for Bongo Jeans with her fiance and celebrity DJ Adam Goldstein. This is Richie’s second season as as Bongo’s junior brand spokesperson and Goldstein was brought in to launch the new collection of Bongo men’s apparel.

I glom onto these sorts of stories because despite the fact that I disapprove of dating outside the tribe, they at least demonstrate that Jewish men are desireable and so Jewish women should, you know, get with them more often. But this story also demonstrates the newest frontier inendorsements: celebrity couples!

OK so maybe adding Kevin Federline to Britney Spears wouldn’t be such a marketing tour-de-force, but imagine the possibility of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (or Brangelina as Esther calls ’em) endorsing, I don’t know, toothpaste or something. It’s both compelling and kinda nauseating at the same time. Whatever. Shalom Jews! Date other Jews.

Oh and mazel tov on esther finally getting a domain name – check it out: http://www.myurbankvetch.com – she is such an Internet genius!

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About the author

ck

Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

90 Comments

  • ck I think you are wrong. Putting these things up makes it seem ok to intermarry.

    Adam Goldstein is nothing to aspire to. He has cut himself off from the Jewish people.

  • ck- celebrity couples endorsements are old news- Bruce & Demi did a stint for Donna Karan back when they were Bruce & Demi, and David Bowie and Iman have been doing ads for something or other- can’t remember what ’cause it must be so memorable.

    Seeing as you can’t enact civil laws against intermarriage in the US (at least you can’t anymore, and that’s a GOOD THING), I propose we leave Adam and Nicole alone for as long as it takes this little idea of theirs to run its course. There are plenty more Jewish guys, and fortunately, not all of them aspire to marry Paris Hilton’s ex-BGF.

  • Judi, could you please point me in the direction of where to find plentiful amounts of Jewish guys and I’m NOT talking mincha services at the stheibels of Plifton. This is the first I’ve heard or seen of Adam Goldstein but he could hammer me anytime!

    In the meanwhile, I’m going to attempt to go one shade blonder. My hairstylist says I’m going to go bald if I put any more chemicals in my hair attempting to have it be straight and blonde, but I’ll risk anything to look like a shiksa at this point.

  • Chutzpah- I didn’t pinpoint a location, but a shtiebel would be a good place to look, come to thinka it. And Chabad guys are kinda cute with their hip little eyeglasses and all. And you might come to enjoy living in Yugoslavia after awhile πŸ˜‰

    But all kidding aside- give your hair a break; the world doesn’t need another blonde. (Red’s okay, though). There are guys out there. You’ll find one (OMFG- I’m starting to sound like JM).

  • Chutzpah, dye away. Then marry someone superfrum, and cover your hair with any kind of sheitel you’d like! A different color every day, if you’d like…

    CK, thanks for the shout-out of congratulations. The Brangelina, it says “shalom.”

  • C’mon Esther, you know I’ve been there, done that already! I was Dolly Parton Wig Co’s best customer. Sorry to miss the sushi soiree tonight but it’s my night with the offspring. If any of the men get up and do “What’s New PussyCat?” or “It’s Not Unusual” do me a favor and give them my URL girlfriend. Now off to think about sitting on Adam Goldstein’s face…thanks Jobber.

  • who said anything about “settling down”…I just said “sitting on”??? Ok, I’ll sign-up, but I am NOT doing my hair to IM anyone and they do NOT get the below the neck view…grrr…

  • ouais je vois pas le probleme, nicole est pas une bombe sexuelle mais c’est surement qu’une histoire de cul
    J’ai bien l’intention d’avoir une femme juive mais je me prive pas pour coucher et sortir avec des shikse
    c’est une question complexe juive ou pas juive ? for shikse jewish men hot but for me one shiksa is hotest than a deborah or a judith, anyway for now

    why the angelina jolie’s father is so close with jews and his daugther so close with the palestinian people ?

  • “they at least demonstrate that Jewish men are desireable and so Jewish women should, you know, get with them more often.”

    The Jewish women aren’t the problem. It’s the Jewish men who don’t want to date them.

  • I think it goes both ways Judith. We should all stop complaining about the perceived shortcomings of the other sex and recognize what others have always known about us – we’re Jews, and we’re hot. Now read what I just wrote. Read it again. Now if you’re Jewish, and single, go take your hotness and seduce a Jew or Jewess. Go on. Do it. It’s time to bump hebraic booty.

  • We should stop complaining. But we won’t.

    Men of any religion will continue to desire the blonde bobble-headed twiglets, and women of any religion will likely not be drawn to Woody Allen style neurosis (no matter how funny a writer he is). Exhibit A: Jobber’s reaction to the clearly not Jewish (and possibly porny) woman in the JDate ad on the other post. Exhibit B: television, where there’s not an actively Jewish couple to be found. Exhibit C: Kristina Grish. Exhibit D: intermarriage statistics. Exhibit E: perpetuation of stereotypes (Jewish men are mama’s boys; Jewish women are controlling). Need I go on?

    Of course these are stereotypes, and of course all it takes is one good one, the right Jewish guy or girl, and you’re done with the endless questioning and the two of you can revel in each other’s hotness until the Messiah comes.

  • I checked out the JQS and it contains exactly the same profiles of the same players from Jdate…the ones that thought they were too hot to date me and the ones that I think I’m too hot to date. Very problematic. In the meanwhile, I was just made aware of a special room & show package to see Tom Jones on February 25 at Turning Stone Resort and Casino which includes TWO tickets so I better be getting some of that “hebric booty” by then! Anyone interested in applying for the second ticket can send their profile to my e-mail address. DISCLAIMER: this is not a marriage proposal!

  • ck’s right. There are good-looking Jewish people. See, e.g. Esther’s Exhibit D.

    Herewith, another example of this queer proclivity of Jewlicious types to take something–here, “stereotypes” regarding la bella figura– and ascribe to it a uniquely, specifically Jewish character when, in fact, they apply to all humanity. Esther, there are, believe it or not, non-blonde, gentile women out there who have to deal with “twiglets”, too. (See: Asia. And Africa. Broad swaths of Europe. And a significant percentage of the US population.)

    And I’ll bet Jews aren’t the only folks taking Ativan. You think there are no neurotic gentiles out there?

    (Actually, the best example of this phenomenon is jsirpicco’s truly comic way of describing the interaction of Jewish spouses/sigos as unique, ineffable, inimitable, profound, imponderable, providential etc., when, of course (you guessed it), we’re ALL like that…

    Well, it’s funny, anyway.

  • 2(?)chutzpah– I gather you’re (a) divorced, (b) wasting too much time on Internet dating (as do I), (c) live in the NYC metroplex, and (d) are actively looking for romance and/or to get laid.

    OK: forget about Tom Jones, sweetheart, unless you wanna attract sketchy older men with hairpieces (or even worse, That 70s Hair, a la TJ himself).

    Like music? Romance? Sex? Unload the TJ tix and go see one of the following at the Blue Note (it’s in Manhattan! You can do this!!): Celso Fonseca, 9/5; Jimmy Scott, 9/20-23; Bebel Gilberto, 9/29-10/1. If Celso and Bebel, especially, don’t inspire passion, then he’s almost certainly gay.

    Prep by buying Celso’s ‘Rive Gauche Rio’ and Bebel’s ‘Tanto Tempo.’

    Do this. (You, too, Esther.) It WILL work.

  • Tom, just start taking some fucking conversion classes already (Conservative, please) and join the tribe. You know you wanna be a photography gallery owner and you know you wanna be a Jewish one. πŸ˜‰

  • Ahh, ‘the theyness of the they…’ Heidegger warned us about that (in his pre-Nazi days).

    Which route maximizes my shot at getting chicks?

  • ….May have to go Reform for that. Aren’t the really good-looking Jewish babes all Reform?

  • Tom,
    Assumptions a-d are all correct. (Chutzpah’s the name, 2chutzpah@optonline.net is the email.)

    So you think if Esther & I go to the Blue Note we will meet educated,intelligent,available straight Jewish men of undefinable yet more-or-less traditional observance level. Do we have to say a prayer at Amuka before we go?

  • No, here’s what you and Esther do. You buy two tix apiece. Plenty of lead time to find a guy for a September concert, right? Kinda puts the pressure on, in a good way, to come up with a date. Vet him through jdate or whathaveyou. Do the coffee thing first. Then, spring the concert idea.

    No one can withstand the music of these artists. And you and Esther will look cool beyond belief for having arranged this plan.

    Buy the ducats now. Could be you’ll get closer to the stage, if there’s reserved seating.

  • As for prayer– I believe in G-d, too, but the song goes, “let’s get physical”, not “metaphysical.”

  • Silly Tom: let’s get “meta” physical doesn’t fit in the tune. Duh. The meta is implied, and therefore understood.

    I’m actually fleeing the state for most of September, but one of those shows might work. I have to say, at this stage, the praying wouldn’t hurt either.

  • Kvetching counts as praying if you move your lips and say it softly to yourself. Tom,you seem to miss the essential point that finding someone who is coffee-worthy is problem #1, nevermind spending an evening out with them!

  • chutzpah– I have the opposite problem. More caffeine than a Jewish-Ugandan coffee grower can imagine, yet– not much luck with second dates. (As in, there almost always aren’t any.)

    Esther, my conscience has been troubled all afternoon about having quoted– UGH!– Olivia Newton-John. The very woman who traumatized my childhood… But go out and get Bebel Gilberto’s ‘Tanto Tempo.’ No hip, urban single chick like you should lack for a copy. (Warning: you may never listen to Kelly Clarkson or Gwen Stefani again.) And guys are nuts for her, trust me.

  • Morrissey, we have a no Heidegger rule on this site which all commentators are obliged to respect. That is, unless you are prepared to post a lucid and informative explanation of what is going on in Being and Time. Otherwise, no being a poser.

  • Olivia Newton-John is partially to blame for why 40 year Jewish guys lust after blonde twiglets.

    Coffee-dates are intrinsically boring no matter who you are with…start with the Blue Note type date and you’ll be off to a better start. Jewish Mother is wrong about saving “tablecloth restaurant” until you are ready to start talking about marriage. I don’t buy this “it’s not where you are, it’s who you are with” stuff that men put in their profiles as a way to get away with a cheap first date. If a guy tries to wine & dine me from Date 1 I am much more impressed. It shows he’s not afraid to risk blowing a few bucks and a few hours of his time even if nothing’s going to come of it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And if he can’t think of anything more interesting that Starbucks for a first date, how can I expect him to think of anything interesting to do in bed?

  • Very good advice there Chutzpah. Well in a way being anything less than first class is a sign that the man has some kind of complex. Often the single person doesn’t realize that they attach much too much importance to money. Once you have kids, it goes anyway.

    I have a friend who is single in his 40’s and way to concerned about watching his money. It gives a bad impression. Of course it depends on the lady, what she likes, some do not like $100 meals. Some would be a little put off I suppose. I think in NY there is nothing in the middle for kosher. There are very expensive ones, that are often a total ripoff. I took a business associate once to Gusto Va Marie, it was Decent food but way too high priced. The one at the Sony Building is enjoyable however, really great creativity and quality so you don’t mind the tab, which fortunately my friend’s company picked up.

  • Not you, middle. You’re married. Your dating woes are over.

    If I’ve learned anything from Chutzpah’s stories, interesting in bed may sometimes be more than most of us want to handle.

    My friend says that caffeine kills romance, and I’m likely to agree. Brings on the jitters, makes people nervous and edgy…there are sexier coffee beverages, but most of them involve a little liquor or a frothy foam. Or so I’m told.

  • Oh thank G-D! I was already starting to feel inadequate, but now that I know all efforts to be interesting at coffee and in bed conclude at the nuptials, I know I’m doing just fine.

    Next on the list: grow a beer belly.

  • “Interesting” and “bizzare” are totally different, but I suppose that is also in the eye of the beholder.

    A first date doesn’t have to be wine & dine, but I think coffee-dates feel like interviews and that the two people are trying so hard to appear “casual” that it puts pressure on the situation.
    Agreed that the lack of decent mid-priced Kosher Restaurants is a problem, but people could go for bike ride or to a museum instead.
    I once saw on “Blind Date” (one of my favorite shows) that the couple went to a place where they let you throw old t.v.’s and lamps off a platform to watch them shatter (this was in L.A.)and even though the people didn’t like each other, they had a blast. (Frightening that I’ve been agreeing with Jobber lately…)

  • Gr8! Wanna meet for Starbucks coffee, I have a gift card, LOL. Or better yet, a fancy French Rest. which I have no clue about but want to check out, LOL.

  • Judi’s channeling me very well.

    Nexxus’s Keraphix is worth the money; it will strengthen the hair and you can take it up a shade lighter. Don’t rinse it out. But peroxide is not necessarily unpatriotic; nobody stops being a Jew.

    Ya hear that, evangelist?

    Love G-d your own way and leave us alone. We have to remain at our post.

    Maybe you can fool these younguns. Not old me.

  • This discussion is clearly meant to make Middle feel better about not having to deal with this . . . stuff.

    chutzpah, doesn’t the coffee ritual benefit the chick? Can you really trust my claim that I’m not a sex offender or an ax murderer? Gotta appear in public, avoid drooling or foaming at the mouth, etc., and tee you up for the acid test– ’cause . . .

    If that goes well– sure, we’ll lay out (no pun intended) three or four Jacksons for a “fine dining experience” someplace. Bite the bullet, pick up the tab– and hope you’ll figure you’re on the hook for splitting it next time.(If there is one.)

    As for Olivia Newton-John: only in America could a sexless, vocally-challenged airhead like her become a megastar. And she didn’t usher in the Era of the Twiglets (gonna steal your coinage, Esther). Too bad the rumors weren’t true that she was a lesbian. Now THAT would’ve been interesting…

    Starbucks patrons are lousy in bed? You prefer Sleeptime chamomile, perhaps? Fine. Next time I’ll bring along a fifth of Captain Jack.

    Look out below, baby.

    Muffti, got a quick-and-dirty, one and half page exegesis of ‘Being and Time’ for you. it’s yours, with my 500+ page Heraclitus bio, for a mere $19.95 plus s&h…

  • Middle, you’re married, pal. Let it go, my friend. Let it go.

    Beer belly? You’re entitled.

    Sex? It doesn’t matter anymore– not for you, or, at least, not with wifey, praise be. Let’s face it– it’s where we all want to be.

    You bring home the kosher-compliant, phony bacon. That’s enough.

    Ye– married, corpulent (or working on it), enjoying the favors of your Latina au pair hottie on the side . . .

    How do I get there? Please, tell me.

    Please.

  • Because when one of the partners frums out, they lose interest in sex. Don’t ask me why, the Mishna Brurah says to do it twice a week. But these folks tell my wife once a month is fine. Fuck that.

  • Muffti is confused. What is all the whining about dating? What exactly are the woes? So far Muffti has had a pretty good time all things considered.

  • That’s because everybody loves Deuce BigalowMuffti. But not all of us have at our disposal the power of philosophy that we can use as a stun-ray to immobilize potential honeys or studmuffins. And just out of curiosity, how many of the “pretty good time” girls have been Bobbleheads from Twiglet Lagoon?

  • Post 45 – I think TM was only kidding about the household help thing. It was mere sarcasm. Not real.

  • Household help? We have only the most attractive women my wife can find. Alas, I ignore their external beauty and focus on their babysitting abilities. And I’m afraid even the beer belly is not really happening, although I am not the well-toned man I used to be. As for what happens between The Middle and The Wife, I believe it must remain between the lovely married couple and the walls.

  • Attractive household help? TM, when Muffti fails to get a job as a professor, can he crash with you for a while? He can teach some Hebrew…

  • Morrissey,

    500+ Heraclitus bio? A man whose big contribution to philosophy seems to be that you can’t stand in the same river twice?

    Muffti will take ’em!

  • Muffti, just get a job. Okay? It’s easier to get attractive women to pay attention instead of hoping for your friend’s babysitter to have pity.

  • Most of the live-in prostitutes -strike that- domestic help in the sthetel of Plifton are from Trindad and other carribean islands, not Latina.

    Personally, I don’t date anyone I can’t google or run through Lexis/Nexis. If they haven’t accomplished enough in life to be found on the internet, either in an Alumini newsletter or involved in a charity event or sommething, then they probably aren’t for me. I also require a last name and phone number with a verifable address, not just a cell number, and a picture. Then I tell them them that their information has been sent to my father before the date and he is waiting to hear from me by midnight. This usually weeds out the ax-murderers but not necessarily the droolers.

    Anyway, you can be murdered at a Starbucks just as easily as you can at a restaurant or muesuem…so no, coffee-dates are still just for boring cheapskates. Anti-up for the price of the pottery throwing, muesuem, or t.v. shattering place or meet for a walk or bike ride and you’ll do much better. I think a Starbucks date even with George Clooney-strike that- Adam Goldstein (for those who don’t who don’t date out of the tribe) could be awkward and strained for most people…unless they are extroverted, vivacious and full of chutzpah.

    How do I do that strike out trick you guys are so fond of on this site?

  • Muffti, I apologize. I never meant to imply that the Bobbleheads are stupid–they’re as stymied by philosophy as most of the rest of us too, but the term is meant to refer to a large head atop a disproportionately small and thin body. (For example, see Nicole Richie, above…)

    Chutzpah, am answering you separately…

  • Ha! I cannot be found on the Internet…as my clients will tell ya. πŸ˜₯

    Oh, and we don’t have live-in help. We have occasional babysitters.

  • yeah middle, but it doesn’t matter ’cause you are married dude. When you dial out from your home phone, if someone were to do a reverse phone search would it list your address? If I knew your last name I could run a property search on you. If you claimed to have graduated from a certain college I could call the registrar. If you claim to work at a certain company I could access the automated voice directory. If you ever lost a loved one, g-d forbid, your name might show up in an obituary. If you claim to be on the Board of your shul, that would show up on their webpage. I once pulled up the obituary of a potential dates grandmother and learned all his brother’s, sister’s and cousin’s names. Maybe your wife married a sex offender or ax-murderer…I don’t know.

  • Um, not to worry, my wife can’t find me on the Internet either. As for the sex offender/murderer stuff, I’m afraid the worst thing I do in my life is call morons on the Internet “moron.” I can’t even grow a beer belly successfully.

  • Moron” is better than irrelevant.
    My preferences are more on the greens anyway. Sometimes when i have some Canadians wow I am awesome. Gentle, attentive, slow, in tune. But never total wild abandon. That’s the frum reality always kicking in. Everything always according to a format. But then, there are some really positive things of the frum life so U can’t have everything I supppose.

  • Hey, Muffti, you’ll love ‘Take Me to the River,’ my chapter about Heraclitus down by the riverside. And, ‘Amen, Higher Power!– A Dry Soul Is Best,’ details H’s struggles with the bottle, ending with his having founded AA…

    Anyway, Muffti, trade ya for some dating advice. You da man.

    chutzpah, I Googled Middle, and found a scandal-sheet reference to a long-suffering wife and mother, a sultry interloper from Sao Paolo, and an alibi along the lines of, ‘Honey, I spend all my time blogging– you know that’.

  • is there a halaka against wild abandon that I’m not aware of, ’cause if there is, then I’m really really REALLLLY glad I’m not frum anymore.

  • You got it Morrissey. Muffti’s dating tips can be all yours as soon as he receives the chapters (hehehe…those were funny by the way). As for TM, if you think working is easier than sitting around lazily trying to seduce your live-in help, think again bro. As for Esther, Muffti’s ladies are all pretty proportionate, head to body and all…

  • But … women who annoyed at male bimbo fantasies have the exact same fantasies and impossible standards for men, themselves … oy

  • Muffti, fair enough, mea culpa, cogito ergo sum and all the rest. Perhaps–just perhaps–my complaint is more with the media than with your harem of women.

    But I’m gonna go ahead and disagree with JM here. I was actually just thinking the opposite on the street, as unattractive as media images make me feel sometimes, I just don’t expect men to adhere to whatever standard society puts forth. Not to say that I don’t think washboard abs and 0% body fat are aesthetically attractive, but they’re nowhere on my “lists” (what’s attainable for myself, or what’s desirable in my potential mates…). I have never wanted a himbo, and neither have most of my friends, so JM: so much for that theory. (At least not in the long term.) πŸ˜‰

  • The media, eh? Don’t get me started about those guys. But Muffti was talking about dating and some how bobbleheads came up. Now he’s confused. So much for philosophy illuminating matters.

  • I don’t think there is a Halacha per se, but I believe in general the tone is that people shouldn’t be that into sex. The Rambam for example states rather openly that this is the reason for the bris, to limit ones enjoyment ofd sex. I don’t know myself I enjoy it just fine but whatever.

    Do it, yes, but only certain positions, not too much playfulness, erotica, sex toys, movies, dirty talk, not too much time, WBTYM is fine.
    Oral is I think a problem for women to do, I believe they are not allowed to, while I know the Rambam allows it done on them. Of course many people are not into everything the Rambam said.
    That is why many of the men seek such experiences outside the marriage. Because they want what they see in porno. They think that everyone is doing what they see in porno, and they want this. Are they merely jealous, not sure. Also pure erotic french kissing goes away. All the little things one used to enjoy when not religious, are puritanically removed, bec. of a fear that they are sinning or something.
    But still, the man is never in the right if he does go to a legal place where prostitution is legal and regulated like in Nevada or Holland.
    Even tho no one will ever arrest him and the chance of disease is minimal especially if he only has oral, and simulates some positions that he can only fantasize about. The chance of disease w/ a condom on for oral is almost 0. Especially in Nevada in a reputable place where the girls are checked frequently, or in Germany where they are mandated to be checked, but some Jewish men could have an issue w/ going there for that, altho, I am told that the vast majority of the women there are from the former USSR, probably some of them partially or even fully Jewish.
    It is I guess the attitude of the Halacha that
    brings this about. The feeling that too much enjoyment of sex will take one away from Torah or something. not sure how that works when you have a Shlomo HaMelech, a Shir HaShirim.
    It’s part of the right wing dominatin of Orthodox thought over the past 25 years, starting w/ those madrasses, I mean the BT places in Jerusalem, like aish. People think that they need meaning and it needs to come from some school of thought that they need to go and study. It works bec. we all want to belong somewhere, to not be lonely, many of us fear loneliness. But you can go to any kind of meeting and meet people.
    The beauty of Judaism is love. Love of and from God is numero uno. This has to exist, then you can love another. Your children to some extent also, most of us love them and show it the right way, altho many parents do not show it, they yell and scream at them for example. But they probably still love them. But to love another is the challenge. My take on Judaism, why it works, is that you take Gods love and you portray it through emotional pseukim like He took us out of Egypt, in Hebrew it sounds more dramatic, KI Ba Succot Hoshavti. That sort of thing. This shows HaShems love for Jews and by extention, you.
    So now you have that, you join it w/ your spouse, and the flame is strong. Even tho u may be angry for a moment, you don’t walk to the Rabbi to ask for divorce papers. U keep your eye on the love. I suppose the marrieds like to see a sign once in a while, or often, but this should come naturally.
    Not to have to be told to express your love.

  • OK, Esther, ok, ok, ok. Yeah. Right. Sure.

    I earnestly hope we can forgive our fellow Jews for looking Jewish. I am not being cute. This is very serious.

    Everything has a right to be what it is, and to look like what it is.

    That sounds a lot like cogito ergo sum but now I am being cute, or trying. Jewish ergo sum!

  • jobber – you’re giving a lot of misinformation. Man and wife supposed to enjoy each other – yes, all you modern, non-married, issue laden singles…man and wife!

    for a really extensive look at “alternatives” in sexual practice in yiddishkeit- go poking through BasTorah’s blog – there’s a guy there that REALLY looked into it…

    bottom line: Good news, guys – Oral is okay for her to you (just, preferably not to “completion,”) ; and there are even some leniencies for you to her – a little more difficult, but still leniencies…

    So – dont’ go spreading weird out of context stuff from the Rambam – because you’ll get people all muxed ip and you’ll send people running from yiddishkeit…

    Bottom Line: Hashem, and yes, yes, yes, people, the “Rabbis” want people to have pleasure in this world, too. They just want it in a dignified, and “holy” way – that’s all.

    The key is: Yes, even when you are having sex, remember you are first a human, not an animal, and second a Jew and not just a goy. (yes, I used the term, just like that, not just a goy.)

    Is that SO hard?

    And yes, ya gotta be married – sorry. If you’re not, so okay – everyone knows the real world. Just dont’ turn a status which is not ideal and make it into some “new religion,” of allowing me to do what I “need” to do, because I can’t take being alone anymore…

    Accept that the ideal situation is good sex, in a good marriage. And go forth and find that good person, duh! And say yes to someone who’s in the ballpark, double duh

    And, when all else fails…you know it, you love it…try that list, which is now over 1250 people at where?

    http://www.jpetition.com ! πŸ™‚ The largest prayer circle of Jewish singles for Jewish singles on the face of the earth!

  • Rambam says you can kiss her any spot on her body, that’s OK by me. Do I have to bring you a marei mikomos? Not misinformation, wrong again JS.
    Of course the point is that what frumkeit sanctions and what goes on outside are, there is a divide. Now ideally, the frum person accepts and is even proud of who he is, as you put it. But people are people, and men have to fight additional tempatations brought on by puritanical impositions, especially when norms are so vastly different. Thanks for posting on this though. Want to see some discussions like that. Enjoy,

  • Man… I read jobber on the need not to be that into sex– and I’m thinking, I may have to give up on my Middle-inspired conversion plan.

    Then, there’s jsirpicco.

    She can do me– but I may be prevented from doing her? And thems the rules?

    Are you kidding me?

    This is a searing, unforgivable example of acting like a goy in bed… I feel terrible about it, G-d knows. But this only a blog, after all…

    I actually enjoy doing it to her.

    I’m really, really sorry, Middle.

  • See – there you go, Tom, thinking like well, like a “GENTILE” again-

    Listen! If you’re REALLY interested in Jew People and how we think, etc. First thing ya gotta know is THERE IS NO BLACK AND WHITE WHEN YOU GET DOWN TO THE INDIVIDUAL PERSON!!

    Or, rather, there are rules, yes. But you always have to check and see if the given rule – Thou Shalt Not – applies in your particular instance….

    So- I did not say you can’t do her. First, as a YOG, you can do whatever you want, dude! Paaaarrrtttyyyy!

    Second – as a YOG – if you’re doing Jew Chicks, well, then, STOP!

    Third – if you bothered to click on that site I so kindly posted for people, you’d see that YOU ON HER, as a Jew, mind you, is not necessarily forbidden….and if you still need to get the whole breakdown – then go here:

    http://chossid.blogspot.com/2005/05/oral-and-anal-sex-al-pi-halacha.html

    p.s. – if it gets too much for you, “Tom” – just take another swig of whiskey and keep readin’ Them Jew People sure cain make a mountain of any ol’ molehile, sheeeyittt!

  • Captain Jack, baby, Captain Jack…

    Hey– where does it say in the Torah that rules are made to be broken? NOW I’m lost.

  • Okay – Tom, one more time – and thanks for the hiding spot – but I still have to “explain it” to you one more time.

    The rules are not made to broken. They’re made to be discovered and applied. I won’t say any more. You have to know meditate on that.

    How a YOG meditates on Important Matters:
    1) Fill a glass, 3/4 “full” with scotch
    2) Down it
    3) Think about “those people,” the “Jew People
    4) carress nearby gun while thinking
    5) Say to self: Now what was that Jew guy saying just now…rules were meant to be discovered and applied? Hmmmmm….
    6) Fill glass again
    7) Repeat carress of Gun
    8) Say to self: Sounds like another dose of COMMIE JEW TALK TO ME!
    9) Clench jaw, tightly. Reach for phone.
    10)Call other YOG Friend.
    11) Say: Chris? Them Jew People is At it Again!
    12) Say: Yes I know what to do.
    13) Grab Gun. Fill Glass One More time. Down it.
    14) Place Red Baseball cap on head.
    15) Head out the door
    16) Let the Hunting Time Begin

  • Muffti, may have bidness down there in the near future– will do. chutzpah, I’ll drop you a line later (got your address above).

    ol’ sirp wants no part of me, I guess…

  • JS, people who take it all totally seriously are not going to do all the things that others do. That is part of ‘ole HaTorah’, the burden of being a Torah G-d fearing Jew.
    That might be the standard. What individuals do to break the rules is another matter. The so called Heimishe Yid, would never buy a porno DVD, watch one, his wife would never do a strip tease for him, never, ever. But what they get in return I beleive is a strong feeling of a kind of frum high I call it. We all feel it sometimes here and there. I felt it on Tisha B’av recently.
    I’m a big fan of breaking the rules myself, because I feel that the bar is too high in Judaism for the pressures of modern life.

  • “Tom,
    Drop me ”

    I think I’m gonna be sick, lol. Single people have all the fun, why do they want to get married? anyone have any clue?

  • That could be the single greatest comment in the history of Jewlicious, Jobber…

    Maybe it’s to be fruitful and multiply (while avoiding oral sex at all costs– right, sirp?).

  • Sometimes there are stealth conversion people.

    By them, it’s such an important mission to get us into the right religion, (theirs), they don’t worry about being candid.

    They figure getting us saved is the important thing, and anything goes.

    We have money and brains. What’s not to like.

    And we have a lot of queeeeestions about our faaaaith. So we are fruit just ripe to be picked.

    Just saying.

  • First step is getting to know the target in a friendly way. Can take a long time, but worth it.

  • Thereès alot of Jewish guys here in Montreal who are singe and looking. Maybe we can make an event for the 2 cities to meet up here during our beautful fall season!

  • you people are preaching seperatist thoughts! I get perklempt thinking all of the meshuganas you toss to the hogs. I think a formal pow wow over some pipin latkas would do youse all a good bit. No belief is better than any one elses. If Goldstein wants that harlot, let him have her, she isnt worth denouncing him over. Besides if love exists, then why the need to have a legal document stating it? Is love not what is taught?

  • Isn’t it silly to call Nicole Richie a “harlot.” She has an interesting and rather exotic ethnic background. Maybe that’s why Adam finds her captivating.
    My husband is Jewish and I’m Irish-American. We have the most handsome and amazing 19-year old son anyone could ever want. You tell ME where we went wrong!

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